Should I reconcile with my dad?

My dad and I have had trouble getting along from the very beginning. We like to call him a narcissist, because he likes to judge people, point out flaws, and gives orders, but then when you do the same to him he snaps at you.





The summer after my Sophomore year in high school, I tried moving up with him. I wasn't getting along with him or my stepmom, and when I moved back with my mom one week into school, we didn't talk for 6 months. I was the one who gave in and called him, and when I asked him why he didn't call, he said ';because it wasn't my fault, so it was your responsibility';. He never treated my mom very nicely before, but after that day, he didn't want to be in the same house. And when my graduation time came, he refused to come if she was going to be there. So I gave away his tickets, and the DAY OF my graduation, my grandmother called and said ';I think your dad's changed his mind...why don't you call him!'; My aunt gave up her seat for him, but there were no other seats available for my stepmom....he was furious...but he came.





After junior college, I moved in with him again, hoping we'd both be a little more mature and able to live with one another, while I went to college. I was 20 when I moved in with him, and he gave me so little freedom that it was hard to live with. I understood certain rules like curfews, but I was working and going to school at the same time, and he threatened to kick me out of his house if I used my money to join a gym. (Dad-';I think spending money at a gym is a waste of time.'; me-';but I'm using my money';. Dad-';no you're not...you wouldn't be able to afford a gym if I weren't letting you live under my roof for free...thus, I'm paying for it.';). Arguments and quarrels occurred between me and my stepmom as well. It got to the point where I went straight to my room when I got home and straight out the door when I left...I spoke to them as little as possible. One day, I got into a car accident on my way to school, and I didn't want to handle facing them...and the next morning, my stepmom woke me up pounding on my door, ';WTF did you do to the car!? How dare you not tell us!'; I moved out of their house and in with my boyfriend that day.





3 months later, I tried to reconcile with my dad after my boyfriend proposed to me. While planning the wedding, Dad offerred some money, but also started making demands on who to invite, and when we refused to invite my step-sister, he threatened to not come. That very phone call, I reminded him of my high school graduation (which of course...he had forgotten about HIS faults in) and I told him ';This is my wedding for Christ's sake! I'm not going to let you upset me to the very end like you did at my graduation...so I want to know right now...are you coming, or not?'; His response was, ';well, if you're going to put me on the spot like that...I'm going to have to say no';.





We sent him an email telling him he could always change his mind. I gave him a date (1 month before the wedding), and I needed to know if he wanted to walk me down the aisle...if he didn't respond by then, he could still come, but he wouldn't be able to walk me down. I sent him the save-the-date and every other form of invitation that I sent everyone else. He didn't come; my grandpa walked me down the aisle.





That was back in June '09...since then...he's sent me 3 emails. 1 of them was a copy of doctor's bill (I was still under his insurance until the day we got married), and he said ';I'm not taking care of these anymore...please handle it';. The 2nd was a reminder that I wasn't going to be on his insurance after we got married...';just thought you should know';. And a 3rd one came today was just a Forward of an email talking about how his company (Intel) is starting a program for internships and permanent hirings for multiple fields of work (including Marketing...one of my degrees). He didn't say anything in that one...it was just a forward.





Now, I'm not sure if we're reading too much into this, but my husband and I think that this may be his way of reaching out to me. He's definitely not the kind to express his feelings or ask for help, so it would make sense. But the question is whether I really want too. We've moved 2 states away, (he may or may not know that...we're still in contact with my grandparents and aunts...and they may have told him) and the distance would definitely limit our time spent together, thus limit our fights...but regardless...I don't want to be a victim of his ways anymore.





My pride really makes me want to stick to my original plan: he made his bed...now let him lie in it. Not to mention the terrible thought of the future: do we really want to expose our children to his monstrous ways that he may go back to (insulting others to make HIM feel better about himself)?





This email just came a few hours ago, and my husband and I have only had a brief discussion through emails while he's at work...we'll talShould I reconcile with my dad?
Your father may be trying to reach out to you, you're right about that. My father is the same way, as is my aunt (my mother's sister). Many in my family are the same way. You've tried to reach out to him the best way you knew how, and it seems that your father is being influenced too much by your step mother. The fact that your father skipped out on your wedding, the biggest milestone in a girl's life, says much about his character. If you haven't got children yet, swallow your pride and give your father one more chance. See if he's improved his ways. If he hasn't then you can (with reason) tell him next time you hear from him, that you've given him plenty of chances, and he hasn't changed. Tell him what bothers you, and if he reacts badly, then you can cut him off from your children, and your life.Should I reconcile with my dad?
just tell him you want him in your life but you dont want all that fighting
E-mail him back and tell him when he gets some psycho therapy and can start being honest with himself about himself you'll talk to him when he apologizes.Not until.


Take care of the insurance bills the best you can.