In love with a narcissist, I am having a hard time understanding what happened.?

I was with a woman who treated me great, told me she loved me and I was her best friend. We had the best time together. We had a conversation about how she cheated on her exhusband. She said she cheated on her ex for 8 years and she felt it wasnt that ';bad';. I told her I was concerned about it, and then she just dumped on me,projecting crazy behavior and then just ';dismissed'; me and acts like I dont exist. This is after 2 years together. I tried talking to her, but she wont acknowledge my presence. I just dont understand what happened or why she would cheat on somebody for 8 years not care. Its sad to know she could lie to a man for 8 years and not ';care'; I feel like I am living in a crazy world and dont understand why somebody could be so cruel.In love with a narcissist, I am having a hard time understanding what happened.?
Narcissists never recognize they do anything wrong, and if someone accuses them of something, they get very hostile and angry and blame the other person, as you have seen. They play by different rules than other people--in fact, they don't have strong morals as such. Instead, their main behavioral guidelines are to have rules that are convenient to them at any given moment, changing them for their convenience. So if she's cheating, she'll see it as the other person's fault, not her own. By questioning her, you're challenging her house of cards, which makes her go into a narcissistic rage. That's the REAL her. When she was treating you well at the beginning, it wasn't real--it was manipulation to get what she wanted. You can tell that this is manipulation because true manipulators are very clever about their manipulation--they'll act a certain way to get what they want, then once they're sure of having it, the real them comes out. Narcissists are able to suppress their narcissistic rage when it would be disadvantageous, but feel free to act on it when they think they hold all the cards. Then they may apologize by saying they ';lost control,'; but really, they didn't. To your ex, there are only three types of people: people she loves (who she identifies with and are useful to her), people she hates (to whom she ascribes all bad things that she can think of), and people who don't exist. When you met her, you were a person she loved--you were useful, you were her pawn who did what she wanted, and made her feel good about herself. Narcissists are very insecure--it may stem from a time in childhood when they were uncertain of their parents' love (like, their parents withdrew love, or abandoned them, for example), and they became fixated on an ideal where there was no differentiation between themselves and the object of their love, so they could feel secure that they were in control of their access to love. That's what you were to her. then, anything that challenges that, like you having thoughts of your own, becomes a serious threat and triggers panic and fear and rage in them. So when you questioned her morals, you became the enemy, the person who she hates, because you challenged her worldview, and because you demonstrated that you weren't a safe, reliable pawn. You became a threat to her being the center of the universe. Don't be surprised if she suddenly decides to forgive you and think you're wonderful again. But then she'll get angry at you again when you disagree with her, and the cycle will repeat, unless you break it off with her, which it sounds like you've done.





The only thing to do now is 1) be glad you have realized what is wrong with her and 2) be glad that you're getting out before you're married to her and stuck with her craziness. She does need help to overcome this, but narcissists very rarely seek help, because they don't think anything is wrong with them. They think everyone else is crazy. Plus, they're generally happy that way, so there's the ethical issue of is it in their best interest to treat them if they're already happy.In love with a narcissist, I am having a hard time understanding what happened.?
I guess it is safe to say that she isn't coming back.


I do agree with you. 8 years is a long time to fool around. She could have left the guy years ago and quit wasting both of their time. Maybe it wasn't so bad for her, but I don't know how he felt about it. Maybe he was cheating too.





Oh well. At least she won't be cheating on you. Happy hunting!
Pretty obvious to an outsider that she is in deep denial and her guilt erupted when you questioned her ethics and morals. She is looking for a sap who will agree that her cheating was no big deal. If she has that attitude she was also cheating on you, don't kid yourself.
Leopards do not change their spots. You busted her and she knows it was wrong. Just move on and thank goodness, you did not become the next victim. Narcissists only see people as objects to get what they want and once they obtain that objective can turn off just like that. Run Run Run and stay away from her.
For the betterment of your sanity, dignity, and self, time to move away from this person. Obviously, she has not learned people have feelings, and friendships should be nurtured and protected. People are not objects. Move on and keep looking for that special someone.