My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist & my MIL a borderline?

Is there ANY hope for my husband and me? WE have gotten rid of his family, which is hurtful and cost us every penny we ever had,and our house, so we moved in with my emotional manipulator dad and now are living in his house that he refuses to leave and we are supporting him here (including new floors, new roof, etc. since I was hoping he would sell it), and we are renovating a house for ourselves (me , hubby, son) but I dont know how we can ever leave because my bozo dad won't leave his house and can't afford it, of course he took a mortgage out on it that he can't pay and it is in his and my recovering alcoholic mother's name (they divorced last month after 20 yrs of separation, he cries daily) , so she will be financially ruined if he defaults and then I will have two of them to support...... IS THERE ANY HOPE that my hubby and I can become normal and have normal kids? SHould we stop with one since we have so much baggage? WHAT DO WE DO?My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
As I read this I couldn't help but think: What a screwed up mess. But thinking about it it might not be so bad. All you have to do is put these people in the background and focus on your immediate family. Families don't stay close like they did ';back in the day';. Nowadays families split up, move away, only see one another on holidays sometimes. Don't keep telling yourself, or your son how messed up they all are. It's very sad when other people cost you so much financially and emotionally...but everything in life is a learning experience. Just don't let them keep affecting you. If that happens then you are a doormat for them. Your father sounds like an emotional basket case. He needs to get into some kind of counseling. Get him to a church where maybe they will help him. Maybe, with all the renovating you are doing, you can add a small room where he can ';live'; seperate from you. If you are going to continue living there you need to convince him to sign the mortgage over to you in your name so that he will be out from under the burden of it and you will have something to work toward and also to have control over. (you said you are renovating a house, is it yours? do you have a mortgage on it?) If so, then stop putting money into your Dad's place and get out on your own and let your Dad figure out his own mess. You'll be OK if you will just stop taking care of everyone else and keep your husband, son (and future children) close to you. Good luck!!My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
I know you love your family... but you can't live their life for them. Your father needs to make his own mistakes. If he wasn't financially able to support him self after the divorce he should have filed for alimony (or vice versa). I am newly married and I know the issues in-laws can bring... mine are 9 hours away and still try to put their two sense into my marriage (my hubby is 24!!!).





Sometimes you're gonna hurt feelings but if you really want to keep your family safe you've gotta get away for a little while. Sounds like your dad needs to get a reality check. If he's manipulative you can't live there... you're just feeding his problem. If he looses his house, that's his problem, he's a grown up!





You two should look for a job a couple of stats/cities away. Try to find one that will cover relocation costs!
It's really hard to read the future, especially since we don't really know you. Ideally, if I were you, I'd tell my dad I was moving out the first of the year and then pay the rent on December, but no more. He's an adult and needs to take care of his own housing needs. You can't save your parents. I would think if your mom hired an attorney -- which isn't your responsibility either -- they could take care of this for themselves.





I know it sounds hard to do, but your parents are adults and can live without you. I don't say you should never see your parents, but your parents need to be adults. If you and your husband start minding your own side of the street and expect others to do the same, it could help a good deal. I suggest you go to Al-Anon. They can help you get a handle on the dynamics that have developed in your family. Even though your mom's quit drinking, these patterns don't just go away on their own.
I think one of the only things to do, and probably the most painful thing to do, is to seperate really and I don't mean you and your husband. I know this is your family but you need to let your parents go on their own for a while. The thing is that you have a son, and your own relationship to think about and those should come first in this case since a child is involved.





I'm sure it'd feel like abandoning your family but if you try helping then it'll feel less like that. I think the best thing you can do at the moment is send your father to see a therapist or something. Someone he can talk to. He's going through a rough time and he probably needs talking to more than you think; a therapist can help him see reason.





As for you and your husband; keep the relationship fresh, choose at least two hours a day where it's just you and him and think back to before getting married. Don't talk about kids, don't talk about work, don't talk about family; talk about what got you into the relationship in the first place. It'll remain healthy then and you can get through anything.