How do you handle a mother(in-law) that obviously has memory issues and is a total narcissist?

My MIL has made enemies of her neighbors (small country town) and of her whole family...with the exception of my husband and I who live a few doors down from her. She often will not speak to us either. She is 78 years old and gets around physically, but should not be driving for hers and others safety and she forgets her purse at places, doctors appts., etc.





Do we try to intervene or wait until she hurts herself or someone else? How do you intervene?How do you handle a mother(in-law) that obviously has memory issues and is a total narcissist?
What type of intervention are you talking about here? Talking to her? Getting her to talk to a doctor? Getting her to move into a retirement home?





Whatever course of action you think is best, keep in mind your husband should do a lot of the talking since she is probably more inclined to listen to him, while you offer him support and back him up. Keep in mind that she is still human no matter how irritating she may get, and will have her own opinion. It is common for people's memory to start to go as they get older, but if it is interfering with her life then it may be becoming an issue.





If you two are thinking of trying to get her into a retirement home, the one thing I can tell you is to be sure to call it a retirement home, not a nursing home! Most seniors I have encountered fear nursing homes that are filled with ill seniors dozing in wheelchairs. In a retirement home, they often have apartments or suite style rooms and the senior has the choice to cook for themselves or to eat meals in the common room with the other retirees. She will get to be around people her own age that are still capable, but they do have assistance available in the building in case anything should happen or if she needs something and you two are not around. Be sure she knows she can still live fairly independently in a nursing home.





You may want to get her to talk to her doctor; many seniors will follow their doctor's advice over their own family's advice. Talk to the doctor beforehand and let him know that you and your husband would like her to think about moving into a retirement home. Maybe the doctor can assess her memory loss and help convince her that moving into a retirement home is not a bad thing and it would be good for her.





You can also take her on a tour of a retirement home, most have daily tours, and then she can see it's not just a bunch of decrepit old people living off of oxygen tubes.





As for when you intervene, clearly you do not want anyone to get hurt before you have to intervene. If you have not talked to your husband about this, do so and see where he stands on the issue. Do not talk to your MIL without his support. It would be best to bring up the idea to her as soon as possible because she will probably reject it right away and may need some time getting used to the idea. Bring it up gently, make sure she knows she will still be a part of your lives, and bring her to the doctor and retirement home so she can see for herself what is going on.





Good luck.How do you handle a mother(in-law) that obviously has memory issues and is a total narcissist?
I think it is really up to you and your husband, and I do not think hospitalization is the answer. I am going through similar with my mother in law. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and does not know what she has said and done from five minutes ago. First thing we have done is power of attorney. She does not drive thank god, so maybe get in touch with her doctor re driving etc, she needs stopping. If the disease progresses quickly then she will need to be in a care home for her own safety. good luck
Ah, we'll all be there someday, and I would want to be treated with respect and compassion. As far as her driving maybe the family can get together and drive her places. We did this for my father in law, then my husband said he needed the car for back and forth to work, which he complied to help. You never want to make the older feel useless, that will just make things worst. See if that works, it's nice that she is physically abe to get about. God Bless you all. Keep up the good work.
You have the power to have her hospitalized (as a family member) if she is a danger to herself or others. If you can not talk her into behaving with more sense, you should hospitalize her.
I think it's really up to your husband to decide on this one, isn't it? Afterall, it's his mother %26amp; all....





You should just do your best to support what he thinks is right, and feel free to offer your opinion as his wife.