How do interact as an adult with a verbally abusive parent?

I apologize ahead of time for the novel, but there is no easy way to describe my situation.





I've recently begun delving through my past and present relationship with my father. A few things that I've discovered are that he is narcissistic, extremely short tempered, verbally abusive and throws 5-year-old temper tantrums. I've had shouting matches, tried to give reasonable answers to his fumings, and simply left the room. I always feel emotionally defeated no matter what the outcome. He does not take criticism. I think he truly believes that he has never been ';wrong';.





I usually do everything I can to avoid being the target of his tirade, but it still hurts emotionally to watch him rant at other members of my family and minutes later he'll try to have a conversation like nothing happened. I've never even once seen him apologize.





It seems that there is no hope that my parents would ever separate, so if I want to see my mom, I have to see him. I live in PA and the rest of my family (mom dad and two siblings) lives in MN).





I've decided to begin seeing a counselor on this issue, but I wonder how other people in a similar situation handle this. I've seen a lot of advise saying to cut narcissist out of your life and believe me, if that was an option, I would do it. I love my mother and would not stop seeing her just to avoid my father. What I want is relief from the emotional stress that I feel every time I see them.





One last comment - My mother tells me that my fathers temper is worse around me. I know he has not directed it at me in the past few years, but I wonder if my impatience with him shows through and makes it worse for everyone. I don't believe that his reactions are my responsibility, but if my presence ultimately causes grief to the rest of my family, I'm in a bit of a catch 22. Should I change my attitude towards him to make life more bearable, or allow him to hurt my family?





If you've dealt with type of person, describe how you've learned to interact with them as you've gotten older, even if that means cutting them off and no longer speaking with them?How do interact as an adult with a verbally abusive parent?
I believe my father is your father's twin. When you go visit your mother, try not to get into any complex conversation with your father. Keep it simple as possible, ';Yes';, ';No';, ';O really';. Try to enjoy quality time with your mother. Try to go out with your mom/siblings and hope that your father wants to stay home and watch sports on TV. Each Sunday I can enjoy a few brief hours with my mom. I hope you will come up with a plan that works for you. Good Luck.