Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?

I know this is really long but i'd appreciate it if you can bare with me.





Well allow me tell you all a little about myself. I'm 20 years old, I lived in the city of Chicago my whole life, i work a dead end job at a driving range while paying for college on my own and giving my parents $400 rent each month. On a lighter note, i'll have an associates degree in Law Enforcement/ Criminal Justice by May 2010. For the past year or so I've been seriously contemplating joining the Army as an 11B with a shot at Airborne and RIP in my contract. And since my whole neighborhood is nothing but Marines I've been getting ****, seriously, I can't walk down the block without seeing at least 10 or 15 Semper FI bumper stickers. But that isn't my problem.





Like many other kids who are seeking moral support on Yahoo Answers i have been having an absolute horrible time with my parents about this subject. I'm not going to be one of those people who say that they always wanted to be a Ranger, or a Marine, or a Sailor, etc. But i will say that the military always made sense to me and I never scratched it out as a possible future option. My folks on the other hand are of the hippie Baby Boomer generation and despite the causes that their peers had fought for they are not the smartest people to say the least.





i guess you can say that all the drama started 2 years and some change ago, when i was graduating high school, my next door neighbor and life long good friend joined the Marine Corp behind his mother's back. At the same time i was thinking about joining the National Guard to pay for college tuition. My 53 year old mother being the stereotypical Italian that she is went into raging drama mode and threatened my brothers and I that if we ever did anything like that she would ';kill herself.';





About a month ago she wanted to know why i had so many books about the US Army Special Forces lying about my room and i told straight out that i was thinking about joining once i finished my degree. Needless to say she did the same thing, flipped out called my Dad who is your stereotypical stubborn Polish factory worker, yeah i know my family life is like a really bad sitcom thanks to my ethnic background, and he went about rambling his bullshit about he supported my family our whole lives and that i would just be stabbing them in the back if i left. by the end of the night i had to promise my mother that i would not join, with my fingers crossed and not making eye contact of course, just get her to let me go to the bathroom by myself.





thinking back i remember one time when my buddy came home on leave before getting deployed to Afghanistan. I was hanging out with another one of my friends who just signed his contract with the Navy the same day and my neighbor's mom came up to him and had him and her son the Marine take a picture together to show how proud they were of their son's military service. It hurt me a lot to see that, not because i had a feeling of being left out but because i got to see how other kids my age were being treated as adults, like their opinion and their choices in regards to their lives actually counted for something. I realized i could never have that with my narcissist parents and I guess ever since then i've been having trouble relating to anyone. My older brother, who is 23, once told my mom that he was thinking of moving out and that he wouldn't have a problem if i moved in with him and she through another temper tantrum guilt trip saying ';oh i'm such a bad mother'; and all that baby victim crap. I just don't understand how she and my father could say that they love me and will always support me but at the same have no problem with me being miserable working in sewers picking up musk rat carcasses for 9-10 hours a day while fat lawyers burn money on golf balls and suck down Miller High-life on the ground above me and then have no problem trying to punish me like an 8 eight year old even though i give them my hard earned money that i could be putting to good use and while I also pay my own way through college.





I'm sorry to write you my memoirs but i guess I'm just asking if anyone has had a similar experience as bad as mine and if so how did get through it.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
What ever happened to that nike commercial ';Just Do It';. Look they are your parents they are never going to except the fact that you are allowed to make what they perceive as mistakes. Once you go in and you show them your a responsible adult with responsible choices. They will chill out. I seen many times. Good luck to you.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
If you started acting like an adult instead of moaning about how your life sucks because mommy wont let you join the army, you would probably get treated like an adult





But instead you refuse to make your own decissions because it might piss some people off or you might get put on a 'guilt trip';.
If you want to enlist, enlist....... they may or may not take a turn in there attitude and outlook. You may come out of it with more respect for then, and they in turn may find respect for you. Good Luck, from one to another with a mother with a flair for drama.... after all I am only on the other side of the world to spite her. The drama will never end, but you do become... how to say this without sounding cold, immune to it.
First off, if you have a degree in Law Enforcement why don't you join the police force? But this is how you do it with the military.Go ahead and sign for the Marines. Don't tell your parents until about two weeks before you go to Boot Camp. Then tell them. Don't make it a long conversation as they aren't going to hear a thing you say. Make sure you have a place to stay if they kick you out. Now this hard, but don't worry about your parents while you are in boot camp. Change for some people is difficult but in time things will get better. Wait till the first time they see you in your uniform,
Do what you want your a grown man. Your happiness matters now and you need to put that first and besides it sounds like they are keeping you to help pay for some rent lol $400 a month that blows. tell them if they really love you and your such a little kid why are you paying to live in their house
I don't mean to insult your parents, not at all, but they are being kind of codependent. They need to let you go. They are probably not going to, voluntarily. So go enlist, serve for a few years. They'll come around after the fact. You aren't going to convince them beforehand. You're an adult, and you have every right to act like one. So go, be, do! And good luck!
Holy crap I'm not reading all that. Man up and sign the contract. Everytime I go to a bar and someone sees my haircut they give me some story about how ';I almost joined but (insert crap excuse here)';





You can sign up or be that guy, its up to you.
All I can say is you sound like you're smarter than an 11B should be. It may sound strange but combat MOSes like 11B, 13B, etc don't require much thinking but do require action. I may sound harsh but trust me, with a college degree under your belt, 11B is NOT the way to go unless you're going to be an officer. Surely you could get into a MOS dealing with JAG with your background. It'd be a safer job to do and might even be something your parents would find more acceptable as well.





PS Sounds a lot like your mom is afraid of letting you get too far away and finally accept that you've grown up. My mother was a bit emotional over my joining the army but she's grown to accept it. Strange thing is every time I've gone on leave, its always been back to my hometown in TN. That might also help your mom when/if you do join the service. Being seen once every 6 months for a couple weeks can become usual and acceptable. Better than some who maybe visit for a couple days in a year around holidays or only call on birthdays. Let her know she'll be alright, you'll be just fine, and that she did a great job raising you, but its time she let you try living your own life for once. Maybe not so fine of a point but you get the idea. Perhaps even talk to your dad in private to lay the ground work for when she's been told of your decisions for him to be able to comfort her and help her a little more to accept that you're an adult.
I'd like to start by saying I am sorry you had to put up with them your whole life.





That being said, they don't respect you, from what I am reading. They seem to be selfish people.





You are a grown man. You can do whatever you want. Let your mother whine and try to lay guilt trips on you. It's not going to happen. She wants the attention. She won't kill herself.





As for your father...has he gone anywhere in his life? No.





Both your parents are control freak. You can just pack up and leave. Or just leave. The military will be your real parents. You will have the best time of your life. Because you will be happy. Your friends will be your family, the real ones.





Just leave. You will make it. I admire you for having your head on straight. There's a lot of opportunities. You will be able to afford your college education, and also learn a lot in the process.





Good luck, and I wish you the best.