My situation is...difficult... I come from a terrible home filled with drug addicts and narcissists, and I have two people very close to my heart willing to sponsor me in Australia. the problem is, however, that I'm working to get an ID, birth certificate, passport, GED, and SS card. ( I'm 18, and believed at the age of 16 that this should be done on one's own.. Much to my dismay.) I Understand that I need to first obtain all that i listed above before I even attempt to step foot onto a plane. I'm also aware that a tourist visa would be an option, had I the money... but I don't have the security money they require, as I am, myself '; couch surfing'; ( terrible living situation turned mutinous) what I ask is, for any information that may be able to aid me in my current plight, and get me out of this god forsaken shamble of a country ( USA) and into a healthy, productive life.
I have had two charges on my record. Both minor. One while I was a juvenile, and one at the cusp of eighteen. both have been removed.
Thank you, for all of your helpHow, besides the few listed on immigration sites, do I obtain an Australian living visa?
Apply at any Australian High Commission for your Visa or through a registered Immigration agent.
there are no other avenues.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
I've realized that I've been friends with seriously NPD guy and I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt on all the very insensitive selfish things he's said to me in the past, such as: You are not a priority...I did that for him and not you because he is a friend of mine and he didn't ask- you did....Myriad messed up things....In this case, I have been very good friends with his elderly mother who he lives with, and I have helped them out for years with her aging issues...Now, my father is in the hospital. He fell down the stairs and broke his neck. He's in intensive care now and i've been living at the hospital and very upset.The other night I saw this friend out at our club, when I stopped to have a drink and hopefully find a friendly face to sit with after the hospital, and he didn't even come over to ask how I am..He was picking up a girl and obviously- I didn't matter. In spite of the pain that he could see I am in..He knows he did wrong- he's called me 6 times in the last 24 hours- but he has not apologized-he's just left a message saying a trite, '; sorry I 'didn't have a chance' to come over and talk to you the other night at the club';. HE did- he just didn't. I want this to be over. I am drained from his taking from me and giving nothing back. How do I end this? I have to. But I run into him all the time so I don't want there to be too much ugliness. I am sure he's going to end up being angry at ME for not returning his calls and once again it will be my issue. I am so done. Please help?How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
I lived with a narcissist for most of my 25 year marriage. No, they NEVER CHANGE. My former husband is quite handsome but apparently had some severe self esteem issues, and took delight in rejecting me every step of the way. This made him feel better about himself. These personality types prey on people who are kind, nurturing, and understanding. Like you I continued to reach out to him, hoping that he would change, but he didn't.
If I disagreed with him, he'd shut me out by not speaking. His silence would be endless. I was always the one to break the silence, otherwise, he could go weeks on end without speaking.
He loved taking me out to dinner, or bring home fattening foods. He refused to exercise with me, but exercised alone and stayed fit. I gained weight. This gave him what he needed to criticize and abuse me.
I had surgery and my family and friends had to coerce him into visiting me.
Like you, my dad became gravely ill and I drove hundreds of miles, and faced his long illness and death alone. Yet I was always there in support of his mom and aunt, two wonderful old ladies. He resented their love of me, but never in their presence - only when we were alone. Narcissists always make a point of putting on a good show for onlookers, but never when you're alone.
After years of being ignored, and neglected, and his refusal to get counseling, I finally confronted him while we were alone, and he was furious. In weeks that followed, though not speaking to me, he wanted to teach me how to use a gun. Yes, expect him to become incensed, but take comfort in knowing that you've won the battle.
Once you've decided to dump him, make sure you do it in a public place, or have someone with you. Narcissists only abuse their mates in private, never publicly. They don't want to look bad. Narcissism was one of Jeffrey L. Dahmer's numerous diagnoses. Exercise caution.
I've met a wonderful man who appreciates my patience and love. He on the other hand has gone from woman to woman looking for another victim. Most are young women (our daughter's age). Even they won't put up with his selfishness. I'm adding you to my contacts in case you want to discuss more.
My prayers are with you.How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
just leave it at that dont talk to him anymore you seem to be way more in tune with your emotions then he does and that in itself is an emotional problem he has if he has to be bitter and mean to everyone and never give anything back i am surprised you let him treat you like this this long i would have been tired of that **** a long time ago you don't need to call him leave it at that if he doesn't treat you like a friend to him you are not very important to him and defiantly not his friend in his heart so dont waist your time sweetheart there are better guys out there then him and be surprised when they show that it actually exists men who arnt complete and total *****!
I lived with a narcissist for most of my 25 year marriage. No, they NEVER CHANGE. My former husband is quite handsome but apparently had some severe self esteem issues, and took delight in rejecting me every step of the way. This made him feel better about himself. These personality types prey on people who are kind, nurturing, and understanding. Like you I continued to reach out to him, hoping that he would change, but he didn't.
If I disagreed with him, he'd shut me out by not speaking. His silence would be endless. I was always the one to break the silence, otherwise, he could go weeks on end without speaking.
He loved taking me out to dinner, or bring home fattening foods. He refused to exercise with me, but exercised alone and stayed fit. I gained weight. This gave him what he needed to criticize and abuse me.
I had surgery and my family and friends had to coerce him into visiting me.
Like you, my dad became gravely ill and I drove hundreds of miles, and faced his long illness and death alone. Yet I was always there in support of his mom and aunt, two wonderful old ladies. He resented their love of me, but never in their presence - only when we were alone. Narcissists always make a point of putting on a good show for onlookers, but never when you're alone.
After years of being ignored, and neglected, and his refusal to get counseling, I finally confronted him while we were alone, and he was furious. In weeks that followed, though not speaking to me, he wanted to teach me how to use a gun. Yes, expect him to become incensed, but take comfort in knowing that you've won the battle.
Once you've decided to dump him, make sure you do it in a public place, or have someone with you. Narcissists only abuse their mates in private, never publicly. They don't want to look bad. Narcissism was one of Jeffrey L. Dahmer's numerous diagnoses. Exercise caution.
I've met a wonderful man who appreciates my patience and love. He on the other hand has gone from woman to woman looking for another victim. Most are young women (our daughter's age). Even they won't put up with his selfishness. I'm adding you to my contacts in case you want to discuss more.
My prayers are with you.How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
just leave it at that dont talk to him anymore you seem to be way more in tune with your emotions then he does and that in itself is an emotional problem he has if he has to be bitter and mean to everyone and never give anything back i am surprised you let him treat you like this this long i would have been tired of that **** a long time ago you don't need to call him leave it at that if he doesn't treat you like a friend to him you are not very important to him and defiantly not his friend in his heart so dont waist your time sweetheart there are better guys out there then him and be surprised when they show that it actually exists men who arnt complete and total *****!
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
One who claims to be a messenger of God is expected to live a saintly life. He must not be given to lust, he must not be a sexual pervert, and he must not be a rapist, a highway robber, a war criminal, a mass murderer or an assassin. One who claims to be a messenger of God must have a superior character. He must stand above the vices of the people of his time. Yet Muhammad’s life is that of a gangster godfather. He raided merchant caravans, looted innocent people, massacred entire male populations and enslaved the women and children. He raped the women captured in war after killing their husbands and told his followers that it is okay to have sex with their captives and their “right hand possessions” (Quran 33:50) He assassinated those who criticized him and executed them when he came to power and became de facto despot of Arabia. Muhammad was bereft of human compassion. He was an obsessed man with his dreams of grandiosity and could not forgive those who stood in his way. Muhammad was a narcissist like Hitler, Saddam or Stalin. He was astute and knew how to manipulate people, but his emotional intelligence was less evolved than that of a 6-year-old child. He simply could not feel the pain of others. He brutally massacred thousands of innocent people and pillaged their wealth. His ambitions were big and as a narcissist he honestly believed he is entitled to do as he pleased and commit all sorts of crimes and his evil deeds are justified.
..?Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
Yes, the prophets of God improved their life for knowing God. Muhammad seemed to get worse for knowing Allah. His Meccan revelations were much kinder than the intolerance and violence of the Medina verses. Prophets of God allowed for God's will to be done. Allah went out of his way to reveal verses that benefited Muhammad only, verses about letting him marry his daughter-in-law or getting rid of his disobedient wives for new ones and allowing him to have more than just 4 wives. It was all a bit too convenient in my opinion.Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
I saw something similar to this on Ali Sina's faithfreedom website but he has been refuted already
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
Matthew 7:16 (New International Version)
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
because the last Prophet of God to man-kind was John The Baptist
those requirements only applied to Prophets of God who were to speak to God's people on His behalf.... not to prophets of the forces of evil...
..?Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
Yes, the prophets of God improved their life for knowing God. Muhammad seemed to get worse for knowing Allah. His Meccan revelations were much kinder than the intolerance and violence of the Medina verses. Prophets of God allowed for God's will to be done. Allah went out of his way to reveal verses that benefited Muhammad only, verses about letting him marry his daughter-in-law or getting rid of his disobedient wives for new ones and allowing him to have more than just 4 wives. It was all a bit too convenient in my opinion.Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
I saw something similar to this on Ali Sina's faithfreedom website but he has been refuted already
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
Matthew 7:16 (New International Version)
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
because the last Prophet of God to man-kind was John The Baptist
those requirements only applied to Prophets of God who were to speak to God's people on His behalf.... not to prophets of the forces of evil...
Please Help! How do I get her to stop?
my best friend is a total narcissist! She knows it too! how do i get her to stop, it's really annoying because when I'm talking to her, she stands in front of her mirror checking herself out and it's very annoying! She's always like, ';I'm so hot'; and I'm really sick of it, she's my best friend and I can't live without her, but right now, i can't live with her either...what should i do?Please Help! How do I get her to stop?
tell her shes uglyPlease Help! How do I get her to stop?
I'd suggest that you start making additional friends and spending some of your time with them (not in her company). If she knows she's narcissistic and knows that you dislike this in her, but chooses to continue, she's not much of a friend, is she? Maybe if you make friends with others, you'll see what true friendship can be like and it will be easier for you to distance yourself from this girl.dvr web hosting plans
tell her shes uglyPlease Help! How do I get her to stop?
I'd suggest that you start making additional friends and spending some of your time with them (not in her company). If she knows she's narcissistic and knows that you dislike this in her, but chooses to continue, she's not much of a friend, is she? Maybe if you make friends with others, you'll see what true friendship can be like and it will be easier for you to distance yourself from this girl.
Need serious advice about situation....please?
Hello:
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
Need serious advice about situation....please?
Hello:
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist & my MIL a borderline?
Is there ANY hope for my husband and me? WE have gotten rid of his family, which is hurtful and cost us every penny we ever had,and our house, so we moved in with my emotional manipulator dad and now are living in his house that he refuses to leave and we are supporting him here (including new floors, new roof, etc. since I was hoping he would sell it), and we are renovating a house for ourselves (me , hubby, son) but I dont know how we can ever leave because my bozo dad won't leave his house and can't afford it, of course he took a mortgage out on it that he can't pay and it is in his and my recovering alcoholic mother's name (they divorced last month after 20 yrs of separation, he cries daily) , so she will be financially ruined if he defaults and then I will have two of them to support...... IS THERE ANY HOPE that my hubby and I can become normal and have normal kids? SHould we stop with one since we have so much baggage? WHAT DO WE DO?My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
Normal is relative :-) There's always hope to recover from the damage that our family members did to us. We're responsible for our own recovery and improvement.
On a practical level, it would be wise to disassociate yourselves from dysfunctional family members such as your father, father-in-law and mother-in-law. Your mother sounds okay, since she's a recovering alcoholic, though can also be challenging at times. Your disassociation is not permanent, but only during those times that they cause you problems. You need to set boundaries with dysfunctional people, otherwise they will run all over you and take advantage of you.
But yes, your family definitely has hope. It's up to you to take action to head towards healing and disengage from co-dependent behavior.My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
I will drink to that and if you are anyone you will too
get out and leave your mum and dad to their own little worlds
You cosigned on your fathers loan? THat was your first mistake. You need to get your house finished, get in it, and get your name off his loan. Whatever happens to it after that is not your problem. I know some people will say that he is your dad and he took care of you..blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that he neither raised your husband nor your son and they are suffering because of this too. Get out and cut ties until he stops using you.
Your mom is a RECOVERING alcholic, so that's a non-issue. Every parent can be accused of emotional manipulation, ie guilt trips. A narcissist is just a personality trait, its not detrimental to anyone. And a borderline what? Borderline personality disorder? That is the only concern you should have, they can be unstable.
As for everything else, its your choice whether you support your parents or not, if you can't take it on, don't. This external stuff has nothing to do with your home and the way you raise kids or how your kids will end up. That has to do with you two as parents entirely. If you don't want them around your kids, don't let them. If you think you are going to repeat thier mistakes, figure that out.
Good luck
Wait, you are living in HIS house and you want him to leave? Who cares what his financial state is in this. You are in HIS house. Get out on your own. You seem like the manipulator here. God bless your son. Hopefully common sense kicks in by the third generation or someone upstairs at least feels sorry for the genetic future of this ';family'; of yours.
What do you do?
1. Move out and get YOUR own place.
2. Act like a family that wants to help one another rather than out of selfishness.
Normal is relative :-) There's always hope to recover from the damage that our family members did to us. We're responsible for our own recovery and improvement.
On a practical level, it would be wise to disassociate yourselves from dysfunctional family members such as your father, father-in-law and mother-in-law. Your mother sounds okay, since she's a recovering alcoholic, though can also be challenging at times. Your disassociation is not permanent, but only during those times that they cause you problems. You need to set boundaries with dysfunctional people, otherwise they will run all over you and take advantage of you.
But yes, your family definitely has hope. It's up to you to take action to head towards healing and disengage from co-dependent behavior.My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
I will drink to that and if you are anyone you will too
get out and leave your mum and dad to their own little worlds
You cosigned on your fathers loan? THat was your first mistake. You need to get your house finished, get in it, and get your name off his loan. Whatever happens to it after that is not your problem. I know some people will say that he is your dad and he took care of you..blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that he neither raised your husband nor your son and they are suffering because of this too. Get out and cut ties until he stops using you.
Your mom is a RECOVERING alcholic, so that's a non-issue. Every parent can be accused of emotional manipulation, ie guilt trips. A narcissist is just a personality trait, its not detrimental to anyone. And a borderline what? Borderline personality disorder? That is the only concern you should have, they can be unstable.
As for everything else, its your choice whether you support your parents or not, if you can't take it on, don't. This external stuff has nothing to do with your home and the way you raise kids or how your kids will end up. That has to do with you two as parents entirely. If you don't want them around your kids, don't let them. If you think you are going to repeat thier mistakes, figure that out.
Good luck
Wait, you are living in HIS house and you want him to leave? Who cares what his financial state is in this. You are in HIS house. Get out on your own. You seem like the manipulator here. God bless your son. Hopefully common sense kicks in by the third generation or someone upstairs at least feels sorry for the genetic future of this ';family'; of yours.
What do you do?
1. Move out and get YOUR own place.
2. Act like a family that wants to help one another rather than out of selfishness.
Monday, August 16, 2010
How to end a friendship with a selfish narcissist?
I've realized that I've been friends with seriously NPD guy and I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt on all the very insensitive selfish things he's said to me in the past, such as: You are not a priority...I did that for him and not you because he is a friend of mine and he didn't ask- you did....Myriad messed up things....In this case, I have been very good friends with his elderly mother who he lives with, and I have helped them out for years with her aging issues...Now, my father is in the hospital. He fell down the stairs and broke his neck. He's in intensive care now and i've been living at the hospital and very upset.The other night I saw this friend out at our club, when I stopped to have a drink and hopefully find a friendly face to sit with after the hospital, and he didn't even come over to ask how I am..He was picking up a girl and obviously- I didn't matter. In spite of the pain that he could see I am in..He knows he did wrong- he's called me 6 times in the last 24 hours- but he has not apologized-he's just left a message saying a trite, '; sorry I 'didn't have a chance' to come over and talk to you the other night at the club';. HE did- he just didn't. I want this to be over. I am drained from his taking from me and giving nothing back. How do I end this? I have to. But I run into him all the time so I don't want there to be too much ugliness. I am sure he's going to end up being angry at ME for not returning his calls and once again it will be my issue. I am so done. Please help?How to end a friendship with a selfish narcissist?
Well the problem is he looks at you like a pushover.
Just let him know he has not been the friend you need and tell him point blank that his energy is draining you. You should have all this time right now to take care of your father (prayers to you and him) and not comtemplating over a ';friend'; that is not giving you your full worth.
Have the balls to just tell him how you feel because he really doesnt think you will.
If your so worried about how uncomfortable it will be after, then instead of just telling him and gettin over it. just treat him exactly how he treats you and reduce him to associate. dont call him, dont make plans with him and when you see him tell him your busy with alot of things and brush him off.
he will get the picture.How to end a friendship with a selfish narcissist?
Tell him how you feel, If you think it may to big of an issue to tell him. Then e-mail him , Then distance yourself from him , If you run into him make your conversation a brief as possible. He is a selfish self centered JERK. So don't go lite on him. This kind of person don';t change.
offer sex, then leave as soon as you see his penis.
nothing would be more devastating, and he'll hate you forever
Well the problem is he looks at you like a pushover.
Just let him know he has not been the friend you need and tell him point blank that his energy is draining you. You should have all this time right now to take care of your father (prayers to you and him) and not comtemplating over a ';friend'; that is not giving you your full worth.
Have the balls to just tell him how you feel because he really doesnt think you will.
If your so worried about how uncomfortable it will be after, then instead of just telling him and gettin over it. just treat him exactly how he treats you and reduce him to associate. dont call him, dont make plans with him and when you see him tell him your busy with alot of things and brush him off.
he will get the picture.How to end a friendship with a selfish narcissist?
Tell him how you feel, If you think it may to big of an issue to tell him. Then e-mail him , Then distance yourself from him , If you run into him make your conversation a brief as possible. He is a selfish self centered JERK. So don't go lite on him. This kind of person don';t change.
offer sex, then leave as soon as you see his penis.
nothing would be more devastating, and he'll hate you forever
How do you live with a narcissist? I serioulsy believe that?
my husband is one, and because I am realising this, I have found out wy he is the way he is. He doesnt care about my well being, or if does its because he can get something out of it, like sex.
But in his heart he dont care. We have a child as well.
I want to leave, but he s being a ***** about things.
I am stay home mom as well, and he will not help me out with getting a job and ask ';who will watch the kid'; because he usually works out of town.
H emakes me feel like a **** mom because I want my own money not his.
He wont even get me a car, so I cut him off.
I dont even feel bad, why should I. This man is destroying my sense of self worth and trying his hardest to make me dependant on him forever.
I told him everything I was feeling last night and it was like he could care less and kept saying ';whatever';, trying to make it seem like I was the crazy one.
I dont know what to do, I asked him to get help and he said ';why'; ';your overeacting'; but it has been 3 years.How do you live with a narcissist? I serioulsy believe that?
Bless your heart. He has you in a corner. COME OUT FIGHTING! Hunt around for a womens shelter. It's just like a home except they help you with childcare and they help you get on your feet. Sometimes they will even have programs that pay your rent for a year. Call around to your local churches.How do you live with a narcissist? I serioulsy believe that?
You should stop complaining and do what he says. Take care of the kids and be there for sex when he wants it. Also leave him alone at night when is not wanting sex. He works hard and he deserves that.
He seriously needs to get some help because sooner or later it is going to spin out of control and it might be too late!! Maybe you should split for a bit have some time to yourself to realise if you are better off without him!! Him being like this is destroying your marriage and being able to be happy and enjoy spending time with your kids!! He is a father and a husband and has responsibilities to take care of and if he is like this it is going to make things worse!!
I am so sorry, narcissism is really hard to change, because he thinks he is perfect the way he is,,,,,,, I KNOW THAT YOU MUST PUT UP BOUNDARIES,,,,, that is how to take care of him,,,,,,but I don't see you being in that kind of relationship? Really? It takes someone who has been emotionally abused, for awhile, so much so that she doesn't know any different, and she is good at submissiveness, and since her narcissist farther told her she was good for nothing, she thinks well all I am good for is too put up with a narcissist, I have had a lot of practice after all, so she gets into that kind of relationship,,, Is that why your so angry? It's understandable, this isn't a laughing matter, nor something to take lightly, these people are manipulative, and really good at messing with your mind, and self esteem. They will distort your reality till you think you are the one with the problem, and your the one who needs to change, but your only changing for them to suit there superficial needs,,,,,, it's sick sick sick,,,,,,,,,, run, get out MONEY sucks,,,,,,,,,,, you don't need it, plan a way out,,,,,, stash all the money and belongings you can get, because he will take IT ALL from you, because he has no conscious.
Get to steppin girl
If you can.....move in with your parents or a friend for a while. It is tough for you to do anything when you are totally dependent on him. You need to get some counselling for yourself to help you sort things out.
Your not crazy and reading what you've wrote it seems like you know what you've got to do..put yourself and your kid first. Get out of that situation and find someone who finds it an honour and pleasure to be in your company, someone who respects you and wants only the best for you..there is men like that.
I don\'t
For all the single ones out there looking for romance:
http://www.*******************/
I don't think you have a narcissist, I think you have a man that wants to be in control. I say you take your child and leave him! Ask friends and family for help. Try to go somewhere where their is public transportation so you can get to work until you save for a car. Get public assistance if you have to until you get on your feet. And don't forget about child support too. You have to look out for yourself and your child. Why add more years to a relationship like this? What is it you love about him?
Oh, man, you have GOT to get out of there. For your kid's sake as well as yours. Do you have a relative or friend who can watch your kid so you can get a job? You can't go on being dependent on someone else. And for god's sake if you do put out, use protection so you don't end up with another kid to keep you tied down.
wow..good luck with that one..just do yer best to get away..I'm sure yer a beautiful woman that many men would love to treat you the way you deserve to be treated...
But in his heart he dont care. We have a child as well.
I want to leave, but he s being a ***** about things.
I am stay home mom as well, and he will not help me out with getting a job and ask ';who will watch the kid'; because he usually works out of town.
H emakes me feel like a **** mom because I want my own money not his.
He wont even get me a car, so I cut him off.
I dont even feel bad, why should I. This man is destroying my sense of self worth and trying his hardest to make me dependant on him forever.
I told him everything I was feeling last night and it was like he could care less and kept saying ';whatever';, trying to make it seem like I was the crazy one.
I dont know what to do, I asked him to get help and he said ';why'; ';your overeacting'; but it has been 3 years.How do you live with a narcissist? I serioulsy believe that?
Bless your heart. He has you in a corner. COME OUT FIGHTING! Hunt around for a womens shelter. It's just like a home except they help you with childcare and they help you get on your feet. Sometimes they will even have programs that pay your rent for a year. Call around to your local churches.How do you live with a narcissist? I serioulsy believe that?
You should stop complaining and do what he says. Take care of the kids and be there for sex when he wants it. Also leave him alone at night when is not wanting sex. He works hard and he deserves that.
He seriously needs to get some help because sooner or later it is going to spin out of control and it might be too late!! Maybe you should split for a bit have some time to yourself to realise if you are better off without him!! Him being like this is destroying your marriage and being able to be happy and enjoy spending time with your kids!! He is a father and a husband and has responsibilities to take care of and if he is like this it is going to make things worse!!
I am so sorry, narcissism is really hard to change, because he thinks he is perfect the way he is,,,,,,, I KNOW THAT YOU MUST PUT UP BOUNDARIES,,,,, that is how to take care of him,,,,,,but I don't see you being in that kind of relationship? Really? It takes someone who has been emotionally abused, for awhile, so much so that she doesn't know any different, and she is good at submissiveness, and since her narcissist farther told her she was good for nothing, she thinks well all I am good for is too put up with a narcissist, I have had a lot of practice after all, so she gets into that kind of relationship,,, Is that why your so angry? It's understandable, this isn't a laughing matter, nor something to take lightly, these people are manipulative, and really good at messing with your mind, and self esteem. They will distort your reality till you think you are the one with the problem, and your the one who needs to change, but your only changing for them to suit there superficial needs,,,,,, it's sick sick sick,,,,,,,,,, run, get out MONEY sucks,,,,,,,,,,, you don't need it, plan a way out,,,,,, stash all the money and belongings you can get, because he will take IT ALL from you, because he has no conscious.
Get to steppin girl
If you can.....move in with your parents or a friend for a while. It is tough for you to do anything when you are totally dependent on him. You need to get some counselling for yourself to help you sort things out.
Your not crazy and reading what you've wrote it seems like you know what you've got to do..put yourself and your kid first. Get out of that situation and find someone who finds it an honour and pleasure to be in your company, someone who respects you and wants only the best for you..there is men like that.
I don\'t
For all the single ones out there looking for romance:
http://www.*******************/
I don't think you have a narcissist, I think you have a man that wants to be in control. I say you take your child and leave him! Ask friends and family for help. Try to go somewhere where their is public transportation so you can get to work until you save for a car. Get public assistance if you have to until you get on your feet. And don't forget about child support too. You have to look out for yourself and your child. Why add more years to a relationship like this? What is it you love about him?
Oh, man, you have GOT to get out of there. For your kid's sake as well as yours. Do you have a relative or friend who can watch your kid so you can get a job? You can't go on being dependent on someone else. And for god's sake if you do put out, use protection so you don't end up with another kid to keep you tied down.
wow..good luck with that one..just do yer best to get away..I'm sure yer a beautiful woman that many men would love to treat you the way you deserve to be treated...
Does anyone else have a narcissistic father?
I'm a girl who's lived with a narcissistic father for 17 years. Being as i'm almost 18 and so close to leaving and never looking back again I'm really scared I might have problems for the rest of my life because of my dad.
My parents divorced 2 years ago and still nothing is settled there is still a custody battle and my dad refuses to pay child support. It's a never ending battle. My mom was in the marriage for 18 years and I don't know how the hell she survived! but she finally stood up for herself and decided a divorce was more than necessary. When my mom married my dad she lost everything she was, she wasn't allowed to be herself, he controlled every aspect of her life (music, clothing, money..) But she says when they were dating he was the PERFECT man. Extravagant dates and everything. He seemed like the nicest most amazing man, like her savior because she had a crappy childhood and horrible mother. She found her escape but quickly realized once they got married that he was a total lie, a fake.
They say narcissists usually choose a golden child if there are more than one in the household, and i definitely got the short end of the stick. My sister is 3 years younger than me and is a people pleaser. She'll do whatever she can to make my dad happy. She plays sports and goes along with whatever my dad is interested in, I don't know if she even likes what she does. But i on the other hand am a bit more independent although my dad has messed me up in some areas. My dad gives my sister more attention and affection but for the both of us when it comes to money he is very very selfish. He's made both of us feel unworthy and undeserving of things, even basic needs like razors, shampoo, food, haircuts, clothing, etc. He is NOT poor, he bought a new porsche, motorcycle, and house for himself. He'll even tell me that his house does not belong to me at all. He ';gave'; me his old car but will not let me take it when i go to my moms.
Yes, I still eat and am surviving. But my father either complains a whole lot before i can get him to buy me something or my mom (who has no income or child support because she's in nursing school since she married my dad young and never got to go to college) has to buy it for me, bless her heart. She's so giving and loving so at least i have her as an example and to balance things out. But I still feel like I've missed out on good childhood memories due to my dad's cheapness. I loved to dance and was on a private dance team for 5 years but I felt the pressure from dad about the cost and decided i ';wanted'; to quit. I was also in counseling after my parents divorced and he cut that short after 3 sessions because he decided it was too much money even though it was very much needed.
Ever since I was a little girl I hated my dad. I look back at my diary and all the things I said about how much i hated him because he's selfish. He puts on a show for people and around his family he's generally ';silly'; he has all these nicknames and things for us to make us think he loves us, but if you ever question something he says or does or catch him lying (he lies ALL the time) then you better wish you didn't. and there is NO way of arguing with him, you'll get blue in the face and wish you could just put a bullet in his head because he'll retort with outrageous irrationality it's just impossible to make him see how you feel.
He is so very insensitive. He's recently been dating a new girl who he acts like all the sudden is a part of the family. She's 10 years younger than him and still lives with her parents. She's just a new girl for him to control since he's lost that ability with my mom. So now she goes EVERYWHERE with us. Yesterday she had to come to out fathers day dinner, she sits with us at church, and it's very awkward and weird. They're constantly holding hands and hugging and whispering around me and my sister and we've tried telling him it makes us feel uncomfortable and that we wanted to sometimes just go out with him because we only see him on the weekends. But he still refuses to listen to our feelings. He actually called ME selfish for telling him how i felt about her. That made my blood boil. The crazy thing is, my parents tried to get back together a few weeks ago but he told my mom she was boring and broke it off after a week and the next day was out with his girlfriend.
This girl just shows how hypocritical my dad is. My dad has always said how disgusting tattoos and piercings are and guess what, she has 3 tattoos and a nose piercing. He's always told me how chiropractors are BS, and she is one. It's just funny to me. He never allowed any of us to get our nails done or go to the salon or buy fancy clothes, but this girl is obviously high maintenance with highlights and painted nails and nice clothes. I feel bad for her because he doesn't know that once they get married she's not gonna be allowed to go out with her friends, or go to the britney spears concert, or wherDoes anyone else have a narcissistic father?
that's totally wack. try to be friends with his gf, then bring her the dark truth about your dadDoes anyone else have a narcissistic father?
hehehe...your explanation is too long!dvr web hosting plans
My parents divorced 2 years ago and still nothing is settled there is still a custody battle and my dad refuses to pay child support. It's a never ending battle. My mom was in the marriage for 18 years and I don't know how the hell she survived! but she finally stood up for herself and decided a divorce was more than necessary. When my mom married my dad she lost everything she was, she wasn't allowed to be herself, he controlled every aspect of her life (music, clothing, money..) But she says when they were dating he was the PERFECT man. Extravagant dates and everything. He seemed like the nicest most amazing man, like her savior because she had a crappy childhood and horrible mother. She found her escape but quickly realized once they got married that he was a total lie, a fake.
They say narcissists usually choose a golden child if there are more than one in the household, and i definitely got the short end of the stick. My sister is 3 years younger than me and is a people pleaser. She'll do whatever she can to make my dad happy. She plays sports and goes along with whatever my dad is interested in, I don't know if she even likes what she does. But i on the other hand am a bit more independent although my dad has messed me up in some areas. My dad gives my sister more attention and affection but for the both of us when it comes to money he is very very selfish. He's made both of us feel unworthy and undeserving of things, even basic needs like razors, shampoo, food, haircuts, clothing, etc. He is NOT poor, he bought a new porsche, motorcycle, and house for himself. He'll even tell me that his house does not belong to me at all. He ';gave'; me his old car but will not let me take it when i go to my moms.
Yes, I still eat and am surviving. But my father either complains a whole lot before i can get him to buy me something or my mom (who has no income or child support because she's in nursing school since she married my dad young and never got to go to college) has to buy it for me, bless her heart. She's so giving and loving so at least i have her as an example and to balance things out. But I still feel like I've missed out on good childhood memories due to my dad's cheapness. I loved to dance and was on a private dance team for 5 years but I felt the pressure from dad about the cost and decided i ';wanted'; to quit. I was also in counseling after my parents divorced and he cut that short after 3 sessions because he decided it was too much money even though it was very much needed.
Ever since I was a little girl I hated my dad. I look back at my diary and all the things I said about how much i hated him because he's selfish. He puts on a show for people and around his family he's generally ';silly'; he has all these nicknames and things for us to make us think he loves us, but if you ever question something he says or does or catch him lying (he lies ALL the time) then you better wish you didn't. and there is NO way of arguing with him, you'll get blue in the face and wish you could just put a bullet in his head because he'll retort with outrageous irrationality it's just impossible to make him see how you feel.
He is so very insensitive. He's recently been dating a new girl who he acts like all the sudden is a part of the family. She's 10 years younger than him and still lives with her parents. She's just a new girl for him to control since he's lost that ability with my mom. So now she goes EVERYWHERE with us. Yesterday she had to come to out fathers day dinner, she sits with us at church, and it's very awkward and weird. They're constantly holding hands and hugging and whispering around me and my sister and we've tried telling him it makes us feel uncomfortable and that we wanted to sometimes just go out with him because we only see him on the weekends. But he still refuses to listen to our feelings. He actually called ME selfish for telling him how i felt about her. That made my blood boil. The crazy thing is, my parents tried to get back together a few weeks ago but he told my mom she was boring and broke it off after a week and the next day was out with his girlfriend.
This girl just shows how hypocritical my dad is. My dad has always said how disgusting tattoos and piercings are and guess what, she has 3 tattoos and a nose piercing. He's always told me how chiropractors are BS, and she is one. It's just funny to me. He never allowed any of us to get our nails done or go to the salon or buy fancy clothes, but this girl is obviously high maintenance with highlights and painted nails and nice clothes. I feel bad for her because he doesn't know that once they get married she's not gonna be allowed to go out with her friends, or go to the britney spears concert, or wherDoes anyone else have a narcissistic father?
that's totally wack. try to be friends with his gf, then bring her the dark truth about your dadDoes anyone else have a narcissistic father?
hehehe...your explanation is too long!
Nightmares about ex fiance' is very painful, how do you get them to stop?
I had lived with my ex finace' and it was a very difficult time for me. He is a major multi -millionare and and is very use to getting his way. He supported me while we moved somewhere warm for the winter so I wouldnt have to work and it was his idea, I am a business woman and had a good job I didnt like at the time so I decided what the heck. When he got to our destination he expressed he expected me to be a housewife and he has never done a load of laundry in his life; had I known that we would have talked ahead of time and probably wouldnt have agreed. I did not realize this was going to be my role, not that there is anything wrong with being a housewife I just never have had experience and I was thrown into the fire; until I got to our destination and he was complaining that I was not cooking and cleaning enough for him. I really tried.
I had Hep ';c'; and he demanded I get it treated because it was making me lethargic and I couldn't do enough; he basically was abusive about it. The good thing is I got it treated, but he left me in the beginning of the treatments because he thought that I did not do enough for the relationship and didn't tell him how great he is all the time. He was abusive and never apologized for anything; gave me 30 rules to follow and told me unless I shaped up he was leaving. We were engaged and he would say, once this would happen or that; I would be a keeper. I guess I didn't shape up and it was very stressful for me. I started to really dislike him and gave him back his very expensive ring.
The minute it ended he met someone else and basically couldn't have cared less about me; this is after him telling me how much he loved me, went to counseling, blah, blah, blah the week earlier. He literally told me he was over it within no time and didn't love me anymore and hadn't for months; it was very cold. He has been insanely cold, however, I don't think he is doing to hurt me which is worse because I really think he just doesn't think about our ending an engagment, me and he is on to the next. This, however, was very embarrassing and hurtful for me to end an announced engagement and realize he couldn't care less really; it feels like a met the master manipulator with no real soul. I am not a doctor, but I suspect he is a full blown narcissist.
I have these reoccuring nightmares where I interact with him and he just couldn't care less; I wake up anxious, upset and really nervous. I do not know how to stop them and why I keep having them; we have been broken up for 6 months. We have had some interactions over money that have been very abusive and are ending really soon, for the last 5 months I report to him like he is the unemployment office while looking for a job. He just humilates me and I keep having dreams about it??? It is driving me crazy and want them to stop, it is like reliving it every time! How can you get dreams to stop; it is very painful and scarey every time!Nightmares about ex fiance' is very painful, how do you get them to stop?
You need psychiatric intervention and maybe some medication.Nightmares about ex fiance' is very painful, how do you get them to stop?
Benzodiazepines like Xanax and Klonopin help prevent nightmares and relieve anxiety. Ask your doctor to put you on one.
Hire a hypnotist, I will do it.
Hi Katherine. I am going to give you one of those answers everyone seems to hate but here goes. I used to be an atheist and now am more agnostic. I would like to consider myself a religion some day maybe Christian but right now I can just say for sure I believe in a higher power up above.
What I do is for a full 10 minutes before falling asleep I pray out loud. I pray thanking for all the good things in my life. Then I pray to forgive people if I need to. Periodically during the day when I read a news story about a child being hurt, or someone being wronged, I close my eyes for a few seconds and say a quick prayer for them and their family.
I know this sounds wierd to some people and I am not going to tell you its God doing it, it could be psychological, but I sleep much much better.
You may also need to find a way to make yourself feel good or safe. Its not really the same thing, its apples and oranges, but I purchase my first shotgun a while back and I keep it under my bed. I make sure the gun is loaded and ready to go, just in case my prayers aren't answered then the gun is there if anyone breaks in or my whole family gets murdered in the night or anything crazy.
You are doing the right thing trying to get help with this. This morning when I woke up I thought about something that bothers me for a split second. This thing bothered me so much that I thought about it every day and even in my dreams. Whenever the thing pops into my head, I first picture a red stop sign that says ';NO';, then I whisper ';shut up'; to myself, then I picture a hand waving its finger back and forth like na uh uh type thing. It sounds silly but I would rather think of this a couple of times a day (it seems to get less and less as time goes on) than think about the thing that bothered me. You will get better just keep trying.
well i get rid of nightmares by dosing up on Ambien. double doses put me under in a dreamless sleep. Serequel also works extremely well.
talk to your doc about them
easy- you quit having interactions with him. because you continue to have interactions with him you are continuing to keep him in your subconscious.
you guys weren't married so there's no reason for you to be going to him for money anyway. you were independent before you met him, time to be that way again.
You have control over your own dreams, just like you have control over your own life. If you don't have either, then it is way past time to get both. So do so. Who cares if he is rich? Find your own damn money, and never see him again is the first step. Even if you have no money, I'd rather be homeless than mooching off of someone who I used to love, that manipulated the crap out of me like that. Not that I would ever stand for being manipulated like that. No amount of riches is worth having to put up with an ego that out of control and manipulative. Power corrupts, and he is obviously a lost cause. You need to do something called the recapitulation. It's an ancient Toltec secret. Look it up online. Then do it. That will stop the dreams.
Abuse is very traumatic. Many victims of abuse experience Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and nightmares can be part of that. I don't know if this is what you are experiencing, but it's a possibility.
You mention that you have the dreams after you interact with him; a rational question would be why do you continue to interact with him? My first suggestion would be to STOP SEEING HIM.
The behavior you mention follows the pattern of an abuser. He got you isolated, then he tried to destroy you. Consider yourself so lucky that he dumped you. It sounds like you were willing to take it.
For free counseling, call 800.799.SAFE.
Put aside your unbelief and Say this prayer so God can come into your life, He is right there waiting, hoping You will make this choice %26amp; say it.
He has a plan for your life He can and will help you with everything. He wants you to be the best you can be. He loves you and gave You free will to choose having His unfailing love in your life or not He loved you first and left the door open for you. Its up to you to walk through into His loving arms.
God can help you, If only you ask Him.
If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:
';Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always.'; Amen
He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.
Then pass on this prayer to others so they can get to know Gods unfailing love too!
If you have experienced trauma then, unless your brain is totally blocking the ordeal, you will work through solutions to the problems you experienced in dreams. It is your mind's way to try to make sense of the experience and of your emotions.
If you want to settle your mind before sleep try saying the following before going to bed: I will not dream of puppies, I will not dream of puppies, I will not dream of puppies.
Then, when you have had a good night's sleep deal with you emotions by talking to someone who is supportive.
I contacted someone when I was having a similar problem to yours. My abusive boyfriend just kept visiting me in my sleep. When I asked someone about it they said, ';Dreams are the mind's way of getting rid of trash';. ; ) I liked that answer. It helped me.
Pleasant dreams.
well they say nightmares are the stuff you fear the most.
It seems to me that only when ALL interactions with him stop then you can think of getting over these dreams.
I know what it's like to be in such a manipulative relationship..and the only thing that helped me stop feeling humiliated and allow me to not care if he cares or not, was distancing myself and getting occupied in other things.
Maybe make some new frinds, date, put it out of your mind.
Also try to get you hands on this e-book ';Who's Pulling Your Strings?- How to break the cycle of Manipulation and Regain control of your life.'; By Harriet B. Braiker.
It will help you to get over him and show you how to make better decisions to have more control of your life.
When you begin to feel once more, that you have control of your life, I think these dreams will go away.
This is probably where you need to see a sleep doctor. When ever you have dreams like this it normally means that your having some sort of issues that when you conscious you don't realize you have them. I'm not a dream expert so I have NO idea how to handle situations like this but I have heard that sleep doctors can help you out.
I had Hep ';c'; and he demanded I get it treated because it was making me lethargic and I couldn't do enough; he basically was abusive about it. The good thing is I got it treated, but he left me in the beginning of the treatments because he thought that I did not do enough for the relationship and didn't tell him how great he is all the time. He was abusive and never apologized for anything; gave me 30 rules to follow and told me unless I shaped up he was leaving. We were engaged and he would say, once this would happen or that; I would be a keeper. I guess I didn't shape up and it was very stressful for me. I started to really dislike him and gave him back his very expensive ring.
The minute it ended he met someone else and basically couldn't have cared less about me; this is after him telling me how much he loved me, went to counseling, blah, blah, blah the week earlier. He literally told me he was over it within no time and didn't love me anymore and hadn't for months; it was very cold. He has been insanely cold, however, I don't think he is doing to hurt me which is worse because I really think he just doesn't think about our ending an engagment, me and he is on to the next. This, however, was very embarrassing and hurtful for me to end an announced engagement and realize he couldn't care less really; it feels like a met the master manipulator with no real soul. I am not a doctor, but I suspect he is a full blown narcissist.
I have these reoccuring nightmares where I interact with him and he just couldn't care less; I wake up anxious, upset and really nervous. I do not know how to stop them and why I keep having them; we have been broken up for 6 months. We have had some interactions over money that have been very abusive and are ending really soon, for the last 5 months I report to him like he is the unemployment office while looking for a job. He just humilates me and I keep having dreams about it??? It is driving me crazy and want them to stop, it is like reliving it every time! How can you get dreams to stop; it is very painful and scarey every time!Nightmares about ex fiance' is very painful, how do you get them to stop?
You need psychiatric intervention and maybe some medication.Nightmares about ex fiance' is very painful, how do you get them to stop?
Benzodiazepines like Xanax and Klonopin help prevent nightmares and relieve anxiety. Ask your doctor to put you on one.
Hire a hypnotist, I will do it.
Hi Katherine. I am going to give you one of those answers everyone seems to hate but here goes. I used to be an atheist and now am more agnostic. I would like to consider myself a religion some day maybe Christian but right now I can just say for sure I believe in a higher power up above.
What I do is for a full 10 minutes before falling asleep I pray out loud. I pray thanking for all the good things in my life. Then I pray to forgive people if I need to. Periodically during the day when I read a news story about a child being hurt, or someone being wronged, I close my eyes for a few seconds and say a quick prayer for them and their family.
I know this sounds wierd to some people and I am not going to tell you its God doing it, it could be psychological, but I sleep much much better.
You may also need to find a way to make yourself feel good or safe. Its not really the same thing, its apples and oranges, but I purchase my first shotgun a while back and I keep it under my bed. I make sure the gun is loaded and ready to go, just in case my prayers aren't answered then the gun is there if anyone breaks in or my whole family gets murdered in the night or anything crazy.
You are doing the right thing trying to get help with this. This morning when I woke up I thought about something that bothers me for a split second. This thing bothered me so much that I thought about it every day and even in my dreams. Whenever the thing pops into my head, I first picture a red stop sign that says ';NO';, then I whisper ';shut up'; to myself, then I picture a hand waving its finger back and forth like na uh uh type thing. It sounds silly but I would rather think of this a couple of times a day (it seems to get less and less as time goes on) than think about the thing that bothered me. You will get better just keep trying.
well i get rid of nightmares by dosing up on Ambien. double doses put me under in a dreamless sleep. Serequel also works extremely well.
talk to your doc about them
easy- you quit having interactions with him. because you continue to have interactions with him you are continuing to keep him in your subconscious.
you guys weren't married so there's no reason for you to be going to him for money anyway. you were independent before you met him, time to be that way again.
You have control over your own dreams, just like you have control over your own life. If you don't have either, then it is way past time to get both. So do so. Who cares if he is rich? Find your own damn money, and never see him again is the first step. Even if you have no money, I'd rather be homeless than mooching off of someone who I used to love, that manipulated the crap out of me like that. Not that I would ever stand for being manipulated like that. No amount of riches is worth having to put up with an ego that out of control and manipulative. Power corrupts, and he is obviously a lost cause. You need to do something called the recapitulation. It's an ancient Toltec secret. Look it up online. Then do it. That will stop the dreams.
Abuse is very traumatic. Many victims of abuse experience Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and nightmares can be part of that. I don't know if this is what you are experiencing, but it's a possibility.
You mention that you have the dreams after you interact with him; a rational question would be why do you continue to interact with him? My first suggestion would be to STOP SEEING HIM.
The behavior you mention follows the pattern of an abuser. He got you isolated, then he tried to destroy you. Consider yourself so lucky that he dumped you. It sounds like you were willing to take it.
For free counseling, call 800.799.SAFE.
Put aside your unbelief and Say this prayer so God can come into your life, He is right there waiting, hoping You will make this choice %26amp; say it.
He has a plan for your life He can and will help you with everything. He wants you to be the best you can be. He loves you and gave You free will to choose having His unfailing love in your life or not He loved you first and left the door open for you. Its up to you to walk through into His loving arms.
God can help you, If only you ask Him.
If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:
';Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always.'; Amen
He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.
Then pass on this prayer to others so they can get to know Gods unfailing love too!
If you have experienced trauma then, unless your brain is totally blocking the ordeal, you will work through solutions to the problems you experienced in dreams. It is your mind's way to try to make sense of the experience and of your emotions.
If you want to settle your mind before sleep try saying the following before going to bed: I will not dream of puppies, I will not dream of puppies, I will not dream of puppies.
Then, when you have had a good night's sleep deal with you emotions by talking to someone who is supportive.
I contacted someone when I was having a similar problem to yours. My abusive boyfriend just kept visiting me in my sleep. When I asked someone about it they said, ';Dreams are the mind's way of getting rid of trash';. ; ) I liked that answer. It helped me.
Pleasant dreams.
well they say nightmares are the stuff you fear the most.
It seems to me that only when ALL interactions with him stop then you can think of getting over these dreams.
I know what it's like to be in such a manipulative relationship..and the only thing that helped me stop feeling humiliated and allow me to not care if he cares or not, was distancing myself and getting occupied in other things.
Maybe make some new frinds, date, put it out of your mind.
Also try to get you hands on this e-book ';Who's Pulling Your Strings?- How to break the cycle of Manipulation and Regain control of your life.'; By Harriet B. Braiker.
It will help you to get over him and show you how to make better decisions to have more control of your life.
When you begin to feel once more, that you have control of your life, I think these dreams will go away.
This is probably where you need to see a sleep doctor. When ever you have dreams like this it normally means that your having some sort of issues that when you conscious you don't realize you have them. I'm not a dream expert so I have NO idea how to handle situations like this but I have heard that sleep doctors can help you out.
How can he treat me this way?
My ex and I had been together about 2-3 years on and off. Half year into the relationship I found out he went on trip with friends including his ex but he came back and told me the truth so I forgave him. 1.5 years later I found out he was seeing his ex at the same time (this was from the ex contacting me). I still stood by him believing that he cared for me. All this while our relationship was semi-long distance. We are roughly 2 hrs away from each other and managed to see each other every weekend. I thought he changed because things were pretty normal although boring. Half a year ago he broke up with me because he found out he had to leave for training in Alabama (I'm in NY) for four months and it is no way to have a relationship especially since things weren't working out between us. He said he lost feelings cause things got boring when I thought that is how a healthy relationship usually is - being content with each other. I was depressed for 2 months (we still talked on the phone) and decided to cut off all contacts because I had enough. I was living my life for the next 3 months and I missed him. I'm not the type to burn bridges and hate things ending that way although I understand change is inevitable. I decided to email him to see how he's going - just like I would with any friend. After that he wanted to hang out and we end up seeing each other again. At the time he said he wasn't sure if hes leaving for the training anymore because of the budget. We end up seeing each other for another 3 months until two weeks ago he found out he is definitely leaving and had only 2 weeks to move out/drive 1,400 miles to Alabama, errands and work. I called him one morning and he got very nasty with me and said I'm ';up his ***'; all the time and he wouldn't see me before he leaves like he said he would a week before that. After that he refused to pick up my calls or respond to any of my emails, texts etc. I'm over being depressed about him 1/2 year ago because I know he is a jerk and it is obvious that he uses me for his convenience. What I can't get over is - how can someone treat me like this? Even after spending 3 years with the person who cared, how can anyone be this cruel? I hate to psychoanalyze him but I believe he is a complete narcissist. Can someone please help me understand. I know I'm very stubborn but it really bothers me. I'm on the verge of calling him again cause I want answers. Please help.How can he treat me this way?
I have a similar situation to you with my ex.
I don't think it is that you want answers. I think you know the answers, like I do, but you don't want to accept them, like I don't, and you think he is so unfair, like I think she is.
You tell yourself you want answers but really you hope if you maintain a thread of contact you can make it all right and be together again.
I don't think that will happen though, for you or for me.How can he treat me this way?
All I read was that last line, why didn't you do that instead of posting this stupid question? He apparently is treating you ';some way';, and you ask strangers why.
I didnt even read past line 2 to know that you need to leave him-
he is selfish, immature, doesnt respect you. raise your standards. get better-
if yu think over him, you wouldnt post this question. you wouldnt even care, if hes moved away, and on his own.
In my opinion. Its not him at all. It is you. You date someone who lives two hours away and twice find out hes seeing or is with his ex again, then his ex has to call you up to let you know, he ex man is around or whatever she said. Here you are just being ok with all of this, you call it standing by him, I call it, either lack of self respect, if that doesn't fit, a floozy, if that doesn't fit, someone who is not making wise decisions for some reason. Loneliness can drive you do accept this kind of relationship. I think you know, there was no relationship, maybe he was like showing up every few weeks, so he could play with someone other than his own spouse? Sound about right?
You really can find your own man, someone to call your own, this was not a relationship you were in, it was you simply servicing him. Howd I do, I think I am spot on. I wish you the best I really do, take care of you, noone else will.
Why are you still worrying over someone who obviously does not know how to treat you right? My advice: analyzing him and thinking and wishing he would change, is a one way path to nowhere. Tell yourself that you loved him but that it is time to move on. You deserve better.
I have a similar situation to you with my ex.
I don't think it is that you want answers. I think you know the answers, like I do, but you don't want to accept them, like I don't, and you think he is so unfair, like I think she is.
You tell yourself you want answers but really you hope if you maintain a thread of contact you can make it all right and be together again.
I don't think that will happen though, for you or for me.How can he treat me this way?
All I read was that last line, why didn't you do that instead of posting this stupid question? He apparently is treating you ';some way';, and you ask strangers why.
I didnt even read past line 2 to know that you need to leave him-
he is selfish, immature, doesnt respect you. raise your standards. get better-
if yu think over him, you wouldnt post this question. you wouldnt even care, if hes moved away, and on his own.
In my opinion. Its not him at all. It is you. You date someone who lives two hours away and twice find out hes seeing or is with his ex again, then his ex has to call you up to let you know, he ex man is around or whatever she said. Here you are just being ok with all of this, you call it standing by him, I call it, either lack of self respect, if that doesn't fit, a floozy, if that doesn't fit, someone who is not making wise decisions for some reason. Loneliness can drive you do accept this kind of relationship. I think you know, there was no relationship, maybe he was like showing up every few weeks, so he could play with someone other than his own spouse? Sound about right?
You really can find your own man, someone to call your own, this was not a relationship you were in, it was you simply servicing him. Howd I do, I think I am spot on. I wish you the best I really do, take care of you, noone else will.
Why are you still worrying over someone who obviously does not know how to treat you right? My advice: analyzing him and thinking and wishing he would change, is a one way path to nowhere. Tell yourself that you loved him but that it is time to move on. You deserve better.
Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
I know this is really long but i'd appreciate it if you can bare with me.
Well allow me tell you all a little about myself. I'm 20 years old, I lived in the city of Chicago my whole life, i work a dead end job at a driving range while paying for college on my own and giving my parents $400 rent each month. On a lighter note, i'll have an associates degree in Law Enforcement/ Criminal Justice by May 2010. For the past year or so I've been seriously contemplating joining the Army as an 11B with a shot at Airborne and RIP in my contract. And since my whole neighborhood is nothing but Marines I've been getting ****, seriously, I can't walk down the block without seeing at least 10 or 15 Semper FI bumper stickers. But that isn't my problem.
Like many other kids who are seeking moral support on Yahoo Answers i have been having an absolute horrible time with my parents about this subject. I'm not going to be one of those people who say that they always wanted to be a Ranger, or a Marine, or a Sailor, etc. But i will say that the military always made sense to me and I never scratched it out as a possible future option. My folks on the other hand are of the hippie Baby Boomer generation and despite the causes that their peers had fought for they are not the smartest people to say the least.
i guess you can say that all the drama started 2 years and some change ago, when i was graduating high school, my next door neighbor and life long good friend joined the Marine Corp behind his mother's back. At the same time i was thinking about joining the National Guard to pay for college tuition. My 53 year old mother being the stereotypical Italian that she is went into raging drama mode and threatened my brothers and I that if we ever did anything like that she would ';kill herself.';
About a month ago she wanted to know why i had so many books about the US Army Special Forces lying about my room and i told straight out that i was thinking about joining once i finished my degree. Needless to say she did the same thing, flipped out called my Dad who is your stereotypical stubborn Polish factory worker, yeah i know my family life is like a really bad sitcom thanks to my ethnic background, and he went about rambling his bullshit about he supported my family our whole lives and that i would just be stabbing them in the back if i left. by the end of the night i had to promise my mother that i would not join, with my fingers crossed and not making eye contact of course, just get her to let me go to the bathroom by myself.
thinking back i remember one time when my buddy came home on leave before getting deployed to Afghanistan. I was hanging out with another one of my friends who just signed his contract with the Navy the same day and my neighbor's mom came up to him and had him and her son the Marine take a picture together to show how proud they were of their son's military service. It hurt me a lot to see that, not because i had a feeling of being left out but because i got to see how other kids my age were being treated as adults, like their opinion and their choices in regards to their lives actually counted for something. I realized i could never have that with my narcissist parents and I guess ever since then i've been having trouble relating to anyone. My older brother, who is 23, once told my mom that he was thinking of moving out and that he wouldn't have a problem if i moved in with him and she through another temper tantrum guilt trip saying ';oh i'm such a bad mother'; and all that baby victim crap. I just don't understand how she and my father could say that they love me and will always support me but at the same have no problem with me being miserable working in sewers picking up musk rat carcasses for 9-10 hours a day while fat lawyers burn money on golf balls and suck down Miller High-life on the ground above me and then have no problem trying to punish me like an 8 eight year old even though i give them my hard earned money that i could be putting to good use and while I also pay my own way through college.
I'm sorry to write you my memoirs but i guess I'm just asking if anyone has had a similar experience as bad as mine and if so how did get through it.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
What ever happened to that nike commercial ';Just Do It';. Look they are your parents they are never going to except the fact that you are allowed to make what they perceive as mistakes. Once you go in and you show them your a responsible adult with responsible choices. They will chill out. I seen many times. Good luck to you.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
If you started acting like an adult instead of moaning about how your life sucks because mommy wont let you join the army, you would probably get treated like an adult
But instead you refuse to make your own decissions because it might piss some people off or you might get put on a 'guilt trip';.
If you want to enlist, enlist....... they may or may not take a turn in there attitude and outlook. You may come out of it with more respect for then, and they in turn may find respect for you. Good Luck, from one to another with a mother with a flair for drama.... after all I am only on the other side of the world to spite her. The drama will never end, but you do become... how to say this without sounding cold, immune to it.
First off, if you have a degree in Law Enforcement why don't you join the police force? But this is how you do it with the military.Go ahead and sign for the Marines. Don't tell your parents until about two weeks before you go to Boot Camp. Then tell them. Don't make it a long conversation as they aren't going to hear a thing you say. Make sure you have a place to stay if they kick you out. Now this hard, but don't worry about your parents while you are in boot camp. Change for some people is difficult but in time things will get better. Wait till the first time they see you in your uniform,
Do what you want your a grown man. Your happiness matters now and you need to put that first and besides it sounds like they are keeping you to help pay for some rent lol $400 a month that blows. tell them if they really love you and your such a little kid why are you paying to live in their house
I don't mean to insult your parents, not at all, but they are being kind of codependent. They need to let you go. They are probably not going to, voluntarily. So go enlist, serve for a few years. They'll come around after the fact. You aren't going to convince them beforehand. You're an adult, and you have every right to act like one. So go, be, do! And good luck!
Holy crap I'm not reading all that. Man up and sign the contract. Everytime I go to a bar and someone sees my haircut they give me some story about how ';I almost joined but (insert crap excuse here)';
You can sign up or be that guy, its up to you.
All I can say is you sound like you're smarter than an 11B should be. It may sound strange but combat MOSes like 11B, 13B, etc don't require much thinking but do require action. I may sound harsh but trust me, with a college degree under your belt, 11B is NOT the way to go unless you're going to be an officer. Surely you could get into a MOS dealing with JAG with your background. It'd be a safer job to do and might even be something your parents would find more acceptable as well.
PS Sounds a lot like your mom is afraid of letting you get too far away and finally accept that you've grown up. My mother was a bit emotional over my joining the army but she's grown to accept it. Strange thing is every time I've gone on leave, its always been back to my hometown in TN. That might also help your mom when/if you do join the service. Being seen once every 6 months for a couple weeks can become usual and acceptable. Better than some who maybe visit for a couple days in a year around holidays or only call on birthdays. Let her know she'll be alright, you'll be just fine, and that she did a great job raising you, but its time she let you try living your own life for once. Maybe not so fine of a point but you get the idea. Perhaps even talk to your dad in private to lay the ground work for when she's been told of your decisions for him to be able to comfort her and help her a little more to accept that you're an adult.
I'd like to start by saying I am sorry you had to put up with them your whole life.
That being said, they don't respect you, from what I am reading. They seem to be selfish people.
You are a grown man. You can do whatever you want. Let your mother whine and try to lay guilt trips on you. It's not going to happen. She wants the attention. She won't kill herself.
As for your father...has he gone anywhere in his life? No.
Both your parents are control freak. You can just pack up and leave. Or just leave. The military will be your real parents. You will have the best time of your life. Because you will be happy. Your friends will be your family, the real ones.
Just leave. You will make it. I admire you for having your head on straight. There's a lot of opportunities. You will be able to afford your college education, and also learn a lot in the process.
Good luck, and I wish you the best.
Well allow me tell you all a little about myself. I'm 20 years old, I lived in the city of Chicago my whole life, i work a dead end job at a driving range while paying for college on my own and giving my parents $400 rent each month. On a lighter note, i'll have an associates degree in Law Enforcement/ Criminal Justice by May 2010. For the past year or so I've been seriously contemplating joining the Army as an 11B with a shot at Airborne and RIP in my contract. And since my whole neighborhood is nothing but Marines I've been getting ****, seriously, I can't walk down the block without seeing at least 10 or 15 Semper FI bumper stickers. But that isn't my problem.
Like many other kids who are seeking moral support on Yahoo Answers i have been having an absolute horrible time with my parents about this subject. I'm not going to be one of those people who say that they always wanted to be a Ranger, or a Marine, or a Sailor, etc. But i will say that the military always made sense to me and I never scratched it out as a possible future option. My folks on the other hand are of the hippie Baby Boomer generation and despite the causes that their peers had fought for they are not the smartest people to say the least.
i guess you can say that all the drama started 2 years and some change ago, when i was graduating high school, my next door neighbor and life long good friend joined the Marine Corp behind his mother's back. At the same time i was thinking about joining the National Guard to pay for college tuition. My 53 year old mother being the stereotypical Italian that she is went into raging drama mode and threatened my brothers and I that if we ever did anything like that she would ';kill herself.';
About a month ago she wanted to know why i had so many books about the US Army Special Forces lying about my room and i told straight out that i was thinking about joining once i finished my degree. Needless to say she did the same thing, flipped out called my Dad who is your stereotypical stubborn Polish factory worker, yeah i know my family life is like a really bad sitcom thanks to my ethnic background, and he went about rambling his bullshit about he supported my family our whole lives and that i would just be stabbing them in the back if i left. by the end of the night i had to promise my mother that i would not join, with my fingers crossed and not making eye contact of course, just get her to let me go to the bathroom by myself.
thinking back i remember one time when my buddy came home on leave before getting deployed to Afghanistan. I was hanging out with another one of my friends who just signed his contract with the Navy the same day and my neighbor's mom came up to him and had him and her son the Marine take a picture together to show how proud they were of their son's military service. It hurt me a lot to see that, not because i had a feeling of being left out but because i got to see how other kids my age were being treated as adults, like their opinion and their choices in regards to their lives actually counted for something. I realized i could never have that with my narcissist parents and I guess ever since then i've been having trouble relating to anyone. My older brother, who is 23, once told my mom that he was thinking of moving out and that he wouldn't have a problem if i moved in with him and she through another temper tantrum guilt trip saying ';oh i'm such a bad mother'; and all that baby victim crap. I just don't understand how she and my father could say that they love me and will always support me but at the same have no problem with me being miserable working in sewers picking up musk rat carcasses for 9-10 hours a day while fat lawyers burn money on golf balls and suck down Miller High-life on the ground above me and then have no problem trying to punish me like an 8 eight year old even though i give them my hard earned money that i could be putting to good use and while I also pay my own way through college.
I'm sorry to write you my memoirs but i guess I'm just asking if anyone has had a similar experience as bad as mine and if so how did get through it.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
What ever happened to that nike commercial ';Just Do It';. Look they are your parents they are never going to except the fact that you are allowed to make what they perceive as mistakes. Once you go in and you show them your a responsible adult with responsible choices. They will chill out. I seen many times. Good luck to you.Any advice for parents who refuse to recognize their kids as adults?
If you started acting like an adult instead of moaning about how your life sucks because mommy wont let you join the army, you would probably get treated like an adult
But instead you refuse to make your own decissions because it might piss some people off or you might get put on a 'guilt trip';.
If you want to enlist, enlist....... they may or may not take a turn in there attitude and outlook. You may come out of it with more respect for then, and they in turn may find respect for you. Good Luck, from one to another with a mother with a flair for drama.... after all I am only on the other side of the world to spite her. The drama will never end, but you do become... how to say this without sounding cold, immune to it.
First off, if you have a degree in Law Enforcement why don't you join the police force? But this is how you do it with the military.Go ahead and sign for the Marines. Don't tell your parents until about two weeks before you go to Boot Camp. Then tell them. Don't make it a long conversation as they aren't going to hear a thing you say. Make sure you have a place to stay if they kick you out. Now this hard, but don't worry about your parents while you are in boot camp. Change for some people is difficult but in time things will get better. Wait till the first time they see you in your uniform,
Do what you want your a grown man. Your happiness matters now and you need to put that first and besides it sounds like they are keeping you to help pay for some rent lol $400 a month that blows. tell them if they really love you and your such a little kid why are you paying to live in their house
I don't mean to insult your parents, not at all, but they are being kind of codependent. They need to let you go. They are probably not going to, voluntarily. So go enlist, serve for a few years. They'll come around after the fact. You aren't going to convince them beforehand. You're an adult, and you have every right to act like one. So go, be, do! And good luck!
Holy crap I'm not reading all that. Man up and sign the contract. Everytime I go to a bar and someone sees my haircut they give me some story about how ';I almost joined but (insert crap excuse here)';
You can sign up or be that guy, its up to you.
All I can say is you sound like you're smarter than an 11B should be. It may sound strange but combat MOSes like 11B, 13B, etc don't require much thinking but do require action. I may sound harsh but trust me, with a college degree under your belt, 11B is NOT the way to go unless you're going to be an officer. Surely you could get into a MOS dealing with JAG with your background. It'd be a safer job to do and might even be something your parents would find more acceptable as well.
PS Sounds a lot like your mom is afraid of letting you get too far away and finally accept that you've grown up. My mother was a bit emotional over my joining the army but she's grown to accept it. Strange thing is every time I've gone on leave, its always been back to my hometown in TN. That might also help your mom when/if you do join the service. Being seen once every 6 months for a couple weeks can become usual and acceptable. Better than some who maybe visit for a couple days in a year around holidays or only call on birthdays. Let her know she'll be alright, you'll be just fine, and that she did a great job raising you, but its time she let you try living your own life for once. Maybe not so fine of a point but you get the idea. Perhaps even talk to your dad in private to lay the ground work for when she's been told of your decisions for him to be able to comfort her and help her a little more to accept that you're an adult.
I'd like to start by saying I am sorry you had to put up with them your whole life.
That being said, they don't respect you, from what I am reading. They seem to be selfish people.
You are a grown man. You can do whatever you want. Let your mother whine and try to lay guilt trips on you. It's not going to happen. She wants the attention. She won't kill herself.
As for your father...has he gone anywhere in his life? No.
Both your parents are control freak. You can just pack up and leave. Or just leave. The military will be your real parents. You will have the best time of your life. Because you will be happy. Your friends will be your family, the real ones.
Just leave. You will make it. I admire you for having your head on straight. There's a lot of opportunities. You will be able to afford your college education, and also learn a lot in the process.
Good luck, and I wish you the best.
How can my depressed mom help herself?
My mom is really depressed, today she said her life was meaningless and that she wanted to just die.
The thing is, she is a housewife and has never experienced the outside world. My dad almost constantly makes her stay inside. If she goes outside at night because there is no milk left for us, he will complain (when he was supposed to bring home the milk from his deli). If she goes shopping for his clothes, he will complain (because she didn't ';cook his food.';) He is very condescending and often calls her stupid, ugly (whatever else that can be said). His prioriities are:
making money, impressing other people, and my mom comes last. He unleashes all his anger and stress onto my mom, and whenever my mom tries to fight back he basically commands her to shut up. And then after they fight (him throwing objects), he will tell her to massage his legs, where he will yell at her some more. When my mom got a 3 hour work day job once for 3x a week, he told her to quit and take care of the house. The thing is: my grandmother is at home, and me and my sister can take care of ourselves. It's only my dad that demands so much from my mom. Let's say he works from 5am-3PM. All he does when he comes home is tv, and plays a korean board game. He says that my mom's job is easy and that he spoils her. it's a shame my mom got stuck with a narcissist like him, but now im asking for your help so that she can help herself.
My mom lacks knowledge of the outside world and also doesn't catch onto things very quickly. Once I leave for college, i wonder what my mom will do to occupy herself. Because I know that if my mom is living only with my grandmother and my father, she will be even more depressed (and I'm worried she will have suicidal thoughts will magnify). She also lacks friends because she can never go outside . Please tell me what my mom can do in terms of finding a job or anything that will be of help, given her conditions (she can't go out to those once-a-month depression clinics or anything of that sort)
She is a strong Christian believer, and that will help her through her struggles. Please help herHow can my depressed mom help herself?
My heart goes out to you.
Your mother needs help now. She is deeply unhappy - and no wonder - married to your father who is just a selfish bully.
No matter what I suggest your mother can do to help herself, your father will probably put a stop to it, because he can't tolerate any thought of her independence and self-fulfillment.
But she needs to talk to her doctor without delay about the depression. She can at least take medication without losing any time pandering to your father's whims. At worst, her mood might keep sinking until she does end her life - she won't be able to prevent irrational thoughts. At best, she might just continue being miserable. She deserves to be happy.
I have experienced a clinical depression so I know what she's feeling. There are ways of recovery without medication, but she will need some autonomy and confidence, and I doubt she has any at the moment.
Honestly, she should walk away but that is not practical, as she has no network of friends and she is unwell.
Maybe there is someone at her church that can talk with her? A minister? I urge you to make sure she seeks outside help.How can my depressed mom help herself?
I have learned that if we change the way we think about things our feelings change.Take her to visit A United Pentecostal church.GOD DOES love her and has a plan for her life.She will make friends there who will love and care for her.Have her read Matthew 11:28-30 1 Peter 5:7 John 3:15-17 Romans 5:12 John 3:1-5 and Acts 2:38.GOD bless.
The thing is, she is a housewife and has never experienced the outside world. My dad almost constantly makes her stay inside. If she goes outside at night because there is no milk left for us, he will complain (when he was supposed to bring home the milk from his deli). If she goes shopping for his clothes, he will complain (because she didn't ';cook his food.';) He is very condescending and often calls her stupid, ugly (whatever else that can be said). His prioriities are:
making money, impressing other people, and my mom comes last. He unleashes all his anger and stress onto my mom, and whenever my mom tries to fight back he basically commands her to shut up. And then after they fight (him throwing objects), he will tell her to massage his legs, where he will yell at her some more. When my mom got a 3 hour work day job once for 3x a week, he told her to quit and take care of the house. The thing is: my grandmother is at home, and me and my sister can take care of ourselves. It's only my dad that demands so much from my mom. Let's say he works from 5am-3PM. All he does when he comes home is tv, and plays a korean board game. He says that my mom's job is easy and that he spoils her. it's a shame my mom got stuck with a narcissist like him, but now im asking for your help so that she can help herself.
My mom lacks knowledge of the outside world and also doesn't catch onto things very quickly. Once I leave for college, i wonder what my mom will do to occupy herself. Because I know that if my mom is living only with my grandmother and my father, she will be even more depressed (and I'm worried she will have suicidal thoughts will magnify). She also lacks friends because she can never go outside . Please tell me what my mom can do in terms of finding a job or anything that will be of help, given her conditions (she can't go out to those once-a-month depression clinics or anything of that sort)
She is a strong Christian believer, and that will help her through her struggles. Please help herHow can my depressed mom help herself?
My heart goes out to you.
Your mother needs help now. She is deeply unhappy - and no wonder - married to your father who is just a selfish bully.
No matter what I suggest your mother can do to help herself, your father will probably put a stop to it, because he can't tolerate any thought of her independence and self-fulfillment.
But she needs to talk to her doctor without delay about the depression. She can at least take medication without losing any time pandering to your father's whims. At worst, her mood might keep sinking until she does end her life - she won't be able to prevent irrational thoughts. At best, she might just continue being miserable. She deserves to be happy.
I have experienced a clinical depression so I know what she's feeling. There are ways of recovery without medication, but she will need some autonomy and confidence, and I doubt she has any at the moment.
Honestly, she should walk away but that is not practical, as she has no network of friends and she is unwell.
Maybe there is someone at her church that can talk with her? A minister? I urge you to make sure she seeks outside help.How can my depressed mom help herself?
I have learned that if we change the way we think about things our feelings change.Take her to visit A United Pentecostal church.GOD DOES love her and has a plan for her life.She will make friends there who will love and care for her.Have her read Matthew 11:28-30 1 Peter 5:7 John 3:15-17 Romans 5:12 John 3:1-5 and Acts 2:38.GOD bless.
If you have divorced or are going through one after an affair...?
I was just wondering if your spouse had an affair... could you say that this article on narcissistic spouses sounds like or describes your marriage with your cheating spouse? It does mine, and so I'm just wondering how common it is, or not. A social worker I've been seeing said that when I described my marriage from beginning to end that I(and my children) were living with an emotional and financial abuser. But, this article truly sums it up for me minus our unique details. Thanks for taking the time to
check it out. It's very interesting, but not too long a read.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/narcissis鈥?/a>If you have divorced or are going through one after an affair...?
Thanks for the read. Actually, I came here asking a question but I learned more about my situation from reading yours.If you have divorced or are going through one after an affair...?
Interesting.
check it out. It's very interesting, but not too long a read.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/narcissis鈥?/a>If you have divorced or are going through one after an affair...?
Thanks for the read. Actually, I came here asking a question but I learned more about my situation from reading yours.If you have divorced or are going through one after an affair...?
Interesting.
How can I let my emotional wall down?
I've had some really bad relationships, picked some real winners. I was engaged at 21 and fell in love, I thought, with this guy. He tried to commit suicide a number of times and also cheated on me, but I still took him back. We had lived together in college for 2 years, but my last year, I moved out and we broke up for the summer. When he came back to school in August I thought he was better, seeing counselor and taking meds (albeit drinking counteracted that).......we were talking on the phone one night and he actually Shot himself while talking to me, committed suicide .
After that I went into a depression myself drank and partied a lot. Then my apartment building burnt down. Then I met this next guy within 8 months in a haze, he introduced many heavy drugs to me. Somewhere in the haze of drugs I end up marrying him and got pregnant. For some reason I cleaned up cold turkey and he didnt want to..... I got a divorce after 2 years and 2 kids later, opened my eyes, and have been sober for 11 years now.
I dated another guy for about 6 or 7 of those years, he was a narcissist, controlling, mental abuser, mentally towards my kids too and drank beer all the time. He even threw me through the kitchen into a glass table one time, but couldn't remember he did it. (his dad is an ex crack addict and mom is almost just like him mentally whacked) I kept going back to him and still think about him all the time (maybe it was the sex or maybe something in my mind misses the drama??)
Its been a year since I left him, and I've been dating this new guy for about 6 months. He's so great, nice, normal, helps me with my kids, good job, we have a lot of fun together, he's not into any drugs, he's helping me with my house I just bought fixing things up, etc. He never complains, doesn't cheat, never mean and is never jealous. We have fun in bed, but at the same time I don't think he's ';HOT';, more average looking. I also think that he's more into me than I am him, I know I like him, but can't say I love him....... and I am having a hard time letting my wall down and letting anyone get close to me. Now I feel like I'm already pushing him away. Or is it because there's no real ';spark'; or no ';wow I miss this guy and want to be with him';. I've been so hurt in the past, am I being blind, not letting him in , is it because I'm used to abuse from my last bf and not used to someone actually not putting me down? How do I get passed it, knock down the wall and let someone in that wants to love me the right way? instead of just running the other way........How can I let my emotional wall down?
I know your life walking in my own shoes.. Normal is ok, he doesn't have to be a model, and you said the intimacy is good. Your fears are correct, it is- you aren't used to being treated like a lady. you aren't used to being adored, which is why he is into you , more then you into him.You can't force walls down in another or in yourself, Time knocks the walls down! You need to heal yourself before you can share any kind of love with another, so it's ok if you can't say I love you to him. But if you care for him and you already know he cares for you, then let him into your past and the pains of sorrow, tell him how you feel and why you behave at times as you do. He will understand if you talk to him and let him into that place that has scars on you. You are running away, because of the fear of your past. If you don't learn to trust again and come to the realization that not all men are the same, then this caring man stands no chance with you. Don't let him slip away from you because your scared, let him work through it with you. you don't want to look back two years from now and say, I lost a good man! and hold regret because you pushed him away. When you are mentally and physically abused, you lose your own self respect, dignity, esteem.. but if you learn from your past, you will know now, that no one can take that from you if you don't give them the power to! Your confused now because you're not used to being treated with respect and touched with a gentle hand that does think of your feelings, it's frightening after being abused for so long, but at the same time, your learning that there is a man who adores you and thinks so highly of you, and you found him, you have him :) don't run away, you'll be running alone for life if you don't face where you were and where you are now. I lived it, I know, trust me.. you need to love yourself first, then be able to love another and if he wants to hold your hand while your learning, then don't let go. Danadvr hair spray
After that I went into a depression myself drank and partied a lot. Then my apartment building burnt down. Then I met this next guy within 8 months in a haze, he introduced many heavy drugs to me. Somewhere in the haze of drugs I end up marrying him and got pregnant. For some reason I cleaned up cold turkey and he didnt want to..... I got a divorce after 2 years and 2 kids later, opened my eyes, and have been sober for 11 years now.
I dated another guy for about 6 or 7 of those years, he was a narcissist, controlling, mental abuser, mentally towards my kids too and drank beer all the time. He even threw me through the kitchen into a glass table one time, but couldn't remember he did it. (his dad is an ex crack addict and mom is almost just like him mentally whacked) I kept going back to him and still think about him all the time (maybe it was the sex or maybe something in my mind misses the drama??)
Its been a year since I left him, and I've been dating this new guy for about 6 months. He's so great, nice, normal, helps me with my kids, good job, we have a lot of fun together, he's not into any drugs, he's helping me with my house I just bought fixing things up, etc. He never complains, doesn't cheat, never mean and is never jealous. We have fun in bed, but at the same time I don't think he's ';HOT';, more average looking. I also think that he's more into me than I am him, I know I like him, but can't say I love him....... and I am having a hard time letting my wall down and letting anyone get close to me. Now I feel like I'm already pushing him away. Or is it because there's no real ';spark'; or no ';wow I miss this guy and want to be with him';. I've been so hurt in the past, am I being blind, not letting him in , is it because I'm used to abuse from my last bf and not used to someone actually not putting me down? How do I get passed it, knock down the wall and let someone in that wants to love me the right way? instead of just running the other way........How can I let my emotional wall down?
I know your life walking in my own shoes.. Normal is ok, he doesn't have to be a model, and you said the intimacy is good. Your fears are correct, it is- you aren't used to being treated like a lady. you aren't used to being adored, which is why he is into you , more then you into him.You can't force walls down in another or in yourself, Time knocks the walls down! You need to heal yourself before you can share any kind of love with another, so it's ok if you can't say I love you to him. But if you care for him and you already know he cares for you, then let him into your past and the pains of sorrow, tell him how you feel and why you behave at times as you do. He will understand if you talk to him and let him into that place that has scars on you. You are running away, because of the fear of your past. If you don't learn to trust again and come to the realization that not all men are the same, then this caring man stands no chance with you. Don't let him slip away from you because your scared, let him work through it with you. you don't want to look back two years from now and say, I lost a good man! and hold regret because you pushed him away. When you are mentally and physically abused, you lose your own self respect, dignity, esteem.. but if you learn from your past, you will know now, that no one can take that from you if you don't give them the power to! Your confused now because you're not used to being treated with respect and touched with a gentle hand that does think of your feelings, it's frightening after being abused for so long, but at the same time, your learning that there is a man who adores you and thinks so highly of you, and you found him, you have him :) don't run away, you'll be running alone for life if you don't face where you were and where you are now. I lived it, I know, trust me.. you need to love yourself first, then be able to love another and if he wants to hold your hand while your learning, then don't let go. Dana
How to deal with a mind playing mother?
How do you deal with someone who constantly seeks attention, and plays mind games with everybody she is around? Ever since I can remember my mom has been very in need of attention. She always wants people to feel sorry for her, she likes to play the victim. My whole life she has told me that I am ';crazy';, and that I am the one who needs help.She likes to go around telling people how hard of life she has and how ';difficult'; her children are, when in fact she has a very good life. She is VERY good at getting people to believe her, and to pity her. When I turned 15, I started to believe that just maybe I really was crazy, and went into therapy. Well..after years of therapy, all of my therapists have told me I am indeed pretty much ';sane';, and my mother in a narcissist. (Their words not mine). But she continues to harass me, and try to bring me down. When I finally do get to a breaking point, I snap back at her, and this only causes her to think she ';proved her point'; on me being the ';crazy'; one. When In fact any human would break after living with her. I am working on moving out as soon as possible, but in the mean time how can I deal with her. It makes me sad, that I can never have a healthy relationship with this women, she makes my life a living nightmare.How to deal with a mind playing mother?
Don't deal with her.
Get another part time job and stay away from home as much as possible. One way to do this is to sign up with a temp agency. Tell them you are only available for part-time assignments in evenings after six or something like that. See what comes your way. a
Make some friends, and visit them at their homes in the evenings, or even sleep on their couch. When you are at home, stay in your room, and avoid visiting with your mother as much as possible. When you speak to your mother, keep your conversations STRICTLY on non-personal subjects, like the weather. If she starts talking about something that you know from experience will lead to drama, then stop it right there. You have some options:
- ignore the conversational gambit and turn the conversation back to the weather.
- look her in the eye and say firmly, ';I am not going to discuss that subject with you';
- make and excuse and leave, such as ';I'm really tired. I'm going to bed.'; or ';Excuse me. I need to go to the restroom';.
- actually leave the house for a while. Say, ';Oh gosh. I forgot I have to run out to the drug store.'; Then get in your car, and go find a quiet place, like a park or a pub, where there is no one to start drama with you.
The trick here is to accept what you cannot change (your mother's addiction to drama), and change the thing that you can change (your availability to participate in drama) -- this is part of the SERENITY prayer. Does't that sound nice? -- and recognize the moments where a small action on your part can alter events in the way that you prefer.
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
Be very, very consistent with this strategy. NEVER let your conversations wander off into the drama zone. When they start doing that, that is your cue to excuse yourself.How to deal with a mind playing mother?
just dont talk to her she will realize how much she loves you and how much she needs you im not sure but if you spend a lot of time with her maybe she just needs some space
i feel your pain. i too, have a mother who constantlly seeks a pity party and tries her hardest to make us kids feel guilty. she's never accepted me for the person i am and emailed me last august saying that she disowns me until i start loving god again. she just doesnt understand my position on things like religion, politics, etc. and oh my god when i didnt call her on her birthday all hell broke loose. i finally called her a week afterwards to find out when my lil sis baby shower is and all she had to say was, why didnt you call me on my birthday, all the other girls did, you make me feel like im unwanted and not loved. now, this pity party may work on my sisters, but not me cuz im not a kissass. and when i told her that i just merely wasnt thinking about it, she says, no, you werent thinking of me. thats when i said dont sweat the small stuff and birthdays are for kids anyways and if you make a big deal out of it when youre an adult your just self righteous, so when you figure out when the baby shower is give me a call. she said whatever and hung up on me like a teenage girl. you know how i deal with it? limit my presence from being around her. i think ive seen her a total of five times this past year and we live fifteen minutes apart. its just unhealthy for you to be around that stress.
i have a friend like your mother, exept he has no kids, he is rlly obnoxios and only talks bout his problems so that evryone can feel sorrry for him, but me and my other friends dont, we kno he just wants attention but we just ignore him and tell him to talk about somethiung else becouse no1 likes talking about unpleasent things or to feel sorrry for you, and he dosent have a bad life at all! but just tell your mother how you feel, i always tell her how i feel, your not the crazy one, she is, dont beleve a word she says, obiosly she is the one tht is ';crazy';
ignore her dear girl.
i have a mother like yours she has been the attention seeker and is always jibing at me even in front of all others to prove my worthlessness and she is a firm believer that i shouldn't have been born.
still i would say stay clear from any conversation with her and spend minimum time in her presence as minimum as possible.
please don't be depressed or upset by her behavior towards you as she doesn't deserve your tears,for those who deserve your tears will never hurt you in anyway so as to make you cry.
just find your own happiness and be happy leave her to her own means and get out of that place asap.
Don't deal with her.
Get another part time job and stay away from home as much as possible. One way to do this is to sign up with a temp agency. Tell them you are only available for part-time assignments in evenings after six or something like that. See what comes your way. a
Make some friends, and visit them at their homes in the evenings, or even sleep on their couch. When you are at home, stay in your room, and avoid visiting with your mother as much as possible. When you speak to your mother, keep your conversations STRICTLY on non-personal subjects, like the weather. If she starts talking about something that you know from experience will lead to drama, then stop it right there. You have some options:
- ignore the conversational gambit and turn the conversation back to the weather.
- look her in the eye and say firmly, ';I am not going to discuss that subject with you';
- make and excuse and leave, such as ';I'm really tired. I'm going to bed.'; or ';Excuse me. I need to go to the restroom';.
- actually leave the house for a while. Say, ';Oh gosh. I forgot I have to run out to the drug store.'; Then get in your car, and go find a quiet place, like a park or a pub, where there is no one to start drama with you.
The trick here is to accept what you cannot change (your mother's addiction to drama), and change the thing that you can change (your availability to participate in drama) -- this is part of the SERENITY prayer. Does't that sound nice? -- and recognize the moments where a small action on your part can alter events in the way that you prefer.
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
Be very, very consistent with this strategy. NEVER let your conversations wander off into the drama zone. When they start doing that, that is your cue to excuse yourself.How to deal with a mind playing mother?
just dont talk to her she will realize how much she loves you and how much she needs you im not sure but if you spend a lot of time with her maybe she just needs some space
i feel your pain. i too, have a mother who constantlly seeks a pity party and tries her hardest to make us kids feel guilty. she's never accepted me for the person i am and emailed me last august saying that she disowns me until i start loving god again. she just doesnt understand my position on things like religion, politics, etc. and oh my god when i didnt call her on her birthday all hell broke loose. i finally called her a week afterwards to find out when my lil sis baby shower is and all she had to say was, why didnt you call me on my birthday, all the other girls did, you make me feel like im unwanted and not loved. now, this pity party may work on my sisters, but not me cuz im not a kissass. and when i told her that i just merely wasnt thinking about it, she says, no, you werent thinking of me. thats when i said dont sweat the small stuff and birthdays are for kids anyways and if you make a big deal out of it when youre an adult your just self righteous, so when you figure out when the baby shower is give me a call. she said whatever and hung up on me like a teenage girl. you know how i deal with it? limit my presence from being around her. i think ive seen her a total of five times this past year and we live fifteen minutes apart. its just unhealthy for you to be around that stress.
i have a friend like your mother, exept he has no kids, he is rlly obnoxios and only talks bout his problems so that evryone can feel sorrry for him, but me and my other friends dont, we kno he just wants attention but we just ignore him and tell him to talk about somethiung else becouse no1 likes talking about unpleasent things or to feel sorrry for you, and he dosent have a bad life at all! but just tell your mother how you feel, i always tell her how i feel, your not the crazy one, she is, dont beleve a word she says, obiosly she is the one tht is ';crazy';
ignore her dear girl.
i have a mother like yours she has been the attention seeker and is always jibing at me even in front of all others to prove my worthlessness and she is a firm believer that i shouldn't have been born.
still i would say stay clear from any conversation with her and spend minimum time in her presence as minimum as possible.
please don't be depressed or upset by her behavior towards you as she doesn't deserve your tears,for those who deserve your tears will never hurt you in anyway so as to make you cry.
just find your own happiness and be happy leave her to her own means and get out of that place asap.
';Choosing to stay'; in abusive situations to move on to a better one?
Here's what I mean. I stayed with my narcissistic mom and step-dad (who had a history of being sexually abusive, but stopped) to save up money, focus on my education, and work on my mental health issues. When you grow up in an abusive home, you may have severe anxiety and depression that may make it hard to function on your own, especially when your parents trained you to be their puppet. Narcissistic parents don't want you to leave them. Going out there in the world when you're not mentally ready just didn't feel like the right thing for me to do.
Some people would tell me, ';How could you stay? Why can't you just leave ASAP? '; I was told that I was going to be just like my narcissistic mom, that it's my fault for being controlled, etc. My gut was telling me to slowly work my way out and take things day by day. While I wasn't living in the best environment, I tried to find the best ways of coping and reminding myself that I will be in a better place someday.
The truth was if I left ASAP, things would haven't been better. I probably would have ended up in another abusive environment, with more loan debt, I would have to drop out of college, or my mom and ex would do something to ruin escape plan and lure me back to move in with them again(Trust me, narcissists are GOOD at getting what they want). As someone who has worked in women's and homeless shelters, those places can be just as abusive. No thanks. There truly was no way out of my situation at the time.
I do live on my own now and am away from my abusers. I used my education to get a job out of state, and used my money that I saved to help me settle out here. Looking back, I think I did my best working with what I had. My life is great now, and I see ';staying with my parents'; as a bumpy road to get where I am today. All of the things that other people said to me in the past were wrong.
I don't believe people should be blamed, if they stay in an abusive environment. I feel like pressuring them to leave when they're not ready can make things worse.
Anyone been through the same situation?
.';Choosing to stay'; in abusive situations to move on to a better one?
first of all let me say well done to you i hope the future remains good to you, there is probably a certain amount of truth in your thinking, for certain problems are not solved by running away from them, as a young child i had a fairly rough time and chose to make my own way in the world just before my sixteenth birthday no money no where to go just the clothes i stood in and i was gone, it took me many years and a lot of mistakes before i began to settle, one thing i learnt early on there are no rewards or punishments in life just consequences.
Some people would tell me, ';How could you stay? Why can't you just leave ASAP? '; I was told that I was going to be just like my narcissistic mom, that it's my fault for being controlled, etc. My gut was telling me to slowly work my way out and take things day by day. While I wasn't living in the best environment, I tried to find the best ways of coping and reminding myself that I will be in a better place someday.
The truth was if I left ASAP, things would haven't been better. I probably would have ended up in another abusive environment, with more loan debt, I would have to drop out of college, or my mom and ex would do something to ruin escape plan and lure me back to move in with them again(Trust me, narcissists are GOOD at getting what they want). As someone who has worked in women's and homeless shelters, those places can be just as abusive. No thanks. There truly was no way out of my situation at the time.
I do live on my own now and am away from my abusers. I used my education to get a job out of state, and used my money that I saved to help me settle out here. Looking back, I think I did my best working with what I had. My life is great now, and I see ';staying with my parents'; as a bumpy road to get where I am today. All of the things that other people said to me in the past were wrong.
I don't believe people should be blamed, if they stay in an abusive environment. I feel like pressuring them to leave when they're not ready can make things worse.
Anyone been through the same situation?
.';Choosing to stay'; in abusive situations to move on to a better one?
first of all let me say well done to you i hope the future remains good to you, there is probably a certain amount of truth in your thinking, for certain problems are not solved by running away from them, as a young child i had a fairly rough time and chose to make my own way in the world just before my sixteenth birthday no money no where to go just the clothes i stood in and i was gone, it took me many years and a lot of mistakes before i began to settle, one thing i learnt early on there are no rewards or punishments in life just consequences.
Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar & Aspergers, how to get him help?
He is definetely bipolar... He has an identical twin with very similiar issues, but they dont talk because my father is ANGRY all of the time Argumentative and irritable
My Grandmother was Manic Depressive and abusive... He was with me as well (i'm 25 now)
His sister was suspected to have suffered from Aspergers... and he has clear signs of that as well
He is almost 60 and flies into a rage over paranoid ideas small problems... He is extremely paranoid!
I am afraid he is going to kill himself driving 60 miles on rural roads that are very windie its just too dangerous..
Because of his bipolar he makes completely innappropriate decisions is still verbally abusive to my other family members (sister, mother, grandchildren) no moments are ever enjoyed! there is no happiness...
His aspergers causes him to have one sided conversations which has isolated him from friends/family/relatives %26amp; his last remaining friend as well recently
He has no one to talk to, he lives alone in the middle of nowhere he gets sad and depressed, more often he is manic though...
How do i convince him to get help?? i live in a different state... Thankyou for your help!
ALSO! my mom, sister are no help, they are narcissists they arent willing to help him get the help he needs.. Even though he is causing the whole family pain suffering and unrestFather is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how to get him help?
You can do nothing for your dad unless he wants to see a psychologist or counselor. It doesn't seem fair but that is a fact. The only exception to this is if your father tries to physically harm someone or himself, then he may be comited for obsevation. Good luck.
My Grandmother was Manic Depressive and abusive... He was with me as well (i'm 25 now)
His sister was suspected to have suffered from Aspergers... and he has clear signs of that as well
He is almost 60 and flies into a rage over paranoid ideas small problems... He is extremely paranoid!
I am afraid he is going to kill himself driving 60 miles on rural roads that are very windie its just too dangerous..
Because of his bipolar he makes completely innappropriate decisions is still verbally abusive to my other family members (sister, mother, grandchildren) no moments are ever enjoyed! there is no happiness...
His aspergers causes him to have one sided conversations which has isolated him from friends/family/relatives %26amp; his last remaining friend as well recently
He has no one to talk to, he lives alone in the middle of nowhere he gets sad and depressed, more often he is manic though...
How do i convince him to get help?? i live in a different state... Thankyou for your help!
ALSO! my mom, sister are no help, they are narcissists they arent willing to help him get the help he needs.. Even though he is causing the whole family pain suffering and unrestFather is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how to get him help?
You can do nothing for your dad unless he wants to see a psychologist or counselor. It doesn't seem fair but that is a fact. The only exception to this is if your father tries to physically harm someone or himself, then he may be comited for obsevation. Good luck.
How can we get away from him?
My estranged husband is a narcissist. A real full-blown narcissist (of course undiagnosed, as N's are rarely diagnosed). He was horribly mentally/emotionally abusive to myself and our toddler daughter before he left us for the affair he'd been having with a girl 10 years younger than himself. He has since cut down the voluntary support he was paying without notice by hundreds per month, refuses to sign anything enabling me to get assistance, and is forbidding me from moving out of state (I have family in different states, and a fiancee in the military whom I would like to marry and move to). He doesn't want to spend time with our daughter beyond 7 non-consecutive hours per week. He won't take her for weekends although that was our original custody order which is still in place until the new one goes through (we separated 2 years ago briefly and reconciled...never called off the order). He is living with his girlfriend with whom he competes in cosplay events dressed up like Anime cartoon characters (he is in his mid-30's). He already had a psych-eval and despite elevated levels, pathology was not diagnosed as it was done by a social worker and not a psychiatrist. I had a PFA order against him also 2 years ago.
His father has threatened and attempted suicide multiple times. Himself, his girlfriend, and his parents make multiple trips past my house to check out what I'm doing, who is here, what I'm doing, etc...
I need to get myself and my daughter somewhere safe. I'm actually still afraid of this man, but everything I have, I think, is hear-say. I have no money for a lawyer and legal aid won't help with divorce. Is there any way that all of this would add up to me being able to marry and move (after divorce is final, of course) or at least get to my family for support? I have no one at all here, not even friends...only his family. Most of them have been very supportive as he has been really horrible to our daughter and me, but I need my support system, and so does my child.
Thank you for any advice you can offer.How can we get away from him?
Why do you think you need his permission to move? Unless you have a court order that says you can't, then move.
Call the American Bar Association in your area to find a lawyer that is willing to work your case for a reduced cost. A good lawyer can also get an order to have your ex pay if he makes much more than you.How can we get away from him?
Have you ever heard the expression ';You can run but you can't hide!';?
Yeaaaa.....
Find a GOOD attorney.
How is he preventing you from leaving the state?
Do a barrel roll
i would try and move or get a restraining order
Even if this is all a bunch of baloney, you ';have a case'; and can get a divorce. A good divorce attorney can get her fee paid by your husband--you will need no money, or little money, up front.
As for your personal safety and that of your children, call the YWCA. They will either offer you support directly or tell you where to get it.
It sounds like you are in serious danger. I advise you to contact authorities and evacuate your home. You should move in with your family. Until you can support yourself and a bit more without him, you should live with caring relatives. Change your cell phone number if have one and cut off any other way for him to contact you. After you are stable, take legal action against him. I pray for you and your daughter.
His father has threatened and attempted suicide multiple times. Himself, his girlfriend, and his parents make multiple trips past my house to check out what I'm doing, who is here, what I'm doing, etc...
I need to get myself and my daughter somewhere safe. I'm actually still afraid of this man, but everything I have, I think, is hear-say. I have no money for a lawyer and legal aid won't help with divorce. Is there any way that all of this would add up to me being able to marry and move (after divorce is final, of course) or at least get to my family for support? I have no one at all here, not even friends...only his family. Most of them have been very supportive as he has been really horrible to our daughter and me, but I need my support system, and so does my child.
Thank you for any advice you can offer.How can we get away from him?
Why do you think you need his permission to move? Unless you have a court order that says you can't, then move.
Call the American Bar Association in your area to find a lawyer that is willing to work your case for a reduced cost. A good lawyer can also get an order to have your ex pay if he makes much more than you.How can we get away from him?
Have you ever heard the expression ';You can run but you can't hide!';?
Yeaaaa.....
Find a GOOD attorney.
How is he preventing you from leaving the state?
Do a barrel roll
i would try and move or get a restraining order
Even if this is all a bunch of baloney, you ';have a case'; and can get a divorce. A good divorce attorney can get her fee paid by your husband--you will need no money, or little money, up front.
As for your personal safety and that of your children, call the YWCA. They will either offer you support directly or tell you where to get it.
It sounds like you are in serious danger. I advise you to contact authorities and evacuate your home. You should move in with your family. Until you can support yourself and a bit more without him, you should live with caring relatives. Change your cell phone number if have one and cut off any other way for him to contact you. After you are stable, take legal action against him. I pray for you and your daughter.
Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar & Aspergers, how do i get him help?
He doesnt like the idea of medications..
He is definetely bipolar... He has an identical twin with very similiar issues, but they dont talk because my father is ANGRY all of the time Argumentative and irritable
My Grandmother was Manic Depressive and abusive... He was with me as well (i'm 25 now)
His sister was suspected to have suffered from Aspergers... and he has clear signs of that as well
He is almost 60 and flies into a rage over paranoid ideas small problems... He is extremely paranoid!
I am afraid he is going to kill himself driving 60 miles on rural roads that are very windie its just too dangerous..
Because of his bipolar he makes completely innappropriate decisions is still verbally abusive to my other family members (sister, mother, grandchildren) no moments are ever enjoyed! there is no happiness...
His aspergers causes him to have one sided conversations which has isolated him from friends/family/relatives %26amp; his last remaining friend as well recently
He has no one to talk to, he lives alone in the middle of nowhere he gets sad and depressed, more often he is manic though...
How do i convince him to get help?? i live in a different state... Thankyou for your help!
ALSO! my mom, sister are no help, they are narcissists they arent willing to help him get the help he needs.. Even though he is causing the whole family pain suffering and unrest
16 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer.Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how do i get him help?
You will not get him to change now. Be grateful you live far away from the excitement.Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how do i get him help?
Hi there, I live in Canada so I think my answers apply here.
I am sure there is a society with your dad's problem(s) and the immediate family. If you share your concers as you have here they will know how to insert themselves into this situation and they will have nurses and doctors on their team to help everyone including you. You need to attend information sessions so that you can be adequately informed on what everyoner is facing.
He is definetely bipolar... He has an identical twin with very similiar issues, but they dont talk because my father is ANGRY all of the time Argumentative and irritable
My Grandmother was Manic Depressive and abusive... He was with me as well (i'm 25 now)
His sister was suspected to have suffered from Aspergers... and he has clear signs of that as well
He is almost 60 and flies into a rage over paranoid ideas small problems... He is extremely paranoid!
I am afraid he is going to kill himself driving 60 miles on rural roads that are very windie its just too dangerous..
Because of his bipolar he makes completely innappropriate decisions is still verbally abusive to my other family members (sister, mother, grandchildren) no moments are ever enjoyed! there is no happiness...
His aspergers causes him to have one sided conversations which has isolated him from friends/family/relatives %26amp; his last remaining friend as well recently
He has no one to talk to, he lives alone in the middle of nowhere he gets sad and depressed, more often he is manic though...
How do i convince him to get help?? i live in a different state... Thankyou for your help!
ALSO! my mom, sister are no help, they are narcissists they arent willing to help him get the help he needs.. Even though he is causing the whole family pain suffering and unrest
16 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer.Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how do i get him help?
You will not get him to change now. Be grateful you live far away from the excitement.Father is 58 years old, manic all my life with undiagnosed Bipolar %26amp; Aspergers, how do i get him help?
Hi there, I live in Canada so I think my answers apply here.
I am sure there is a society with your dad's problem(s) and the immediate family. If you share your concers as you have here they will know how to insert themselves into this situation and they will have nurses and doctors on their team to help everyone including you. You need to attend information sessions so that you can be adequately informed on what everyoner is facing.
Do you want to learn more about Ismail Axe?
by Jerry Bowyer
First it was Johnny Muhammad, now it was Cho Sueng Hui aka Ismail Ax. Precisely how many mass shooters have to turn out to have adopted Muslim names before we get it? Islam has become the tribe of choice of those who hate American society. I'm not talking about people who grew up as Muslims, confident and secure in their faith, good fathers, sons and neighbors. I'm talking about the angry, malignant, narcissist loners who want to reject their community utterly, to throw off their 'slave name' and represent the downtrodden of the earth by shooting their friends and neighbors.
This morning I read that the Virginia Tech shooter died with the name Ismail Ax written in red ink on his arm. The mainstream press doesn't seem to have a clue as to what this might mean. To quote Indiana Jones, ';Didn't any of you guys go to Sunday School?';
The story starts with a man named Abraham. He is the father of the Jews, the Muslims and the Christians. He was born in Iraq, the son of a wealthy idol manufacturer. He came to believe that there was only one true God and, according to tradition, took up his ax and destroyed his father's idols.
Eventually he left Iraq and moved to what is now known as Israel. He had a son with his concubine whom she named Ishmael. The Muslim world prefers the Arabic spelling of the name: Ismail. Eventually Abraham had a son by his rightful wife and named the son Isaac. Ishmael and his mother were disinherited and sent out into what is now Saudi Arabia. Isaac became the heir.
Eventually, God decided to test Abraham by telling him to kill his son, Isaac. Abraham took up the knife, but God stopped him at the last moment. Isaac lived and eventually became a man of great wealth. Ishmael became a desert warrior chieftain.
The Jews are the descendants of Isaac, the Arabs are the descendants of Ishmael.
In the 7th Century, Muhammad, the founder of Islam, re-wrote the story, claiming that Ismail was the true faithful descendant of Abraham and that it was he, not Isaac, who God told Abraham to sacrifice. Ismail was the one saved. For Muslims, Ismail (not Isaac) was the true 'Son of Sacrifice.' In the original version of the story, Abraham used a knife, in some of the later Muslim versions, he used an Ax.
Flash forward 1,400 years: a sullen, angry young man who rages against rich people and apparently against Christians, writes a play in which a mother and son try to kill his step-father, but in the end the boy (age about 13, the age many think Ismail was when he was exiled) is murdered by the step-father with 'a deadly blow'. Father issues? Yeah, I think so.
Cho Sueng-hui *** Ismail Ax hated the American society to which he had been brought 15 years earlier. His play McBeef (a poor pun from an English Lit major on Macbeth) is one endless screed against the corruption of American culture. A cheesy re-telling of Shakespeare's Hamlet, it involves a young man abused by his step-father, a former NFL football player. The son, throws epithets at his father calling him a 'Catholic priest'. And makes derisive comments about McDonalds. It seems that none of the foundational structures of Western Civilization, Christianity, capitalism, family, are spared his rage. In other words, he really meant what he said in his last words: ';you (that is us, America) made me do this.';Do you want to learn more about Ismail Axe?
I think it is very wise for us to know this story.Do you want to learn more about Ismail Axe?
Thank you! : )
ALL humans are fearful, misunderstanding, misunderstood, hating killers... there are a few that go beyond this ';human condition'; to become something better. keep trying... you can get there...
If he was Muslim and doing it for Islam one would think this delusional person might have said something about it.
And even if he does, this does not make my beautiful religion, any less meaningful.
Good day
The gunman's family confirmed that he wouldn't even talk before he left South Korea. He had deep-seat mental issues that were made worse by Korean-bashing students.
Why does his terribly unstable mind have to be considered this way? His rantings specifically show he was not coherent and it is an insult to any ones religion that you would even question it like this.
Oh I'm sure you don't think it's cool when people bring up similar atrocities commited by Christians.
America is so evil, don't cha know?
C'mon.
We gave the world blue jeans and Michael Jackson.
Thriller, people.
The man made Thriller.
So, if I am getting this correct, the rantings of a delusional homicidal maniac of Korean descent and his actions means that all Muslims are bad. Do I get a cookie now? If that really is what you are trying to get at, your logic is just as twisted as his. BTW: TOO LONG!!!
The truth is he was extremely unstable!!!!!!!!!
At this point, the short answer is no. There is no single cure akin to penicillin for bacterial pneumonia. PTSD affects our system of remembering, causing ';hot'; memories that come out of thedvr hair spray
First it was Johnny Muhammad, now it was Cho Sueng Hui aka Ismail Ax. Precisely how many mass shooters have to turn out to have adopted Muslim names before we get it? Islam has become the tribe of choice of those who hate American society. I'm not talking about people who grew up as Muslims, confident and secure in their faith, good fathers, sons and neighbors. I'm talking about the angry, malignant, narcissist loners who want to reject their community utterly, to throw off their 'slave name' and represent the downtrodden of the earth by shooting their friends and neighbors.
This morning I read that the Virginia Tech shooter died with the name Ismail Ax written in red ink on his arm. The mainstream press doesn't seem to have a clue as to what this might mean. To quote Indiana Jones, ';Didn't any of you guys go to Sunday School?';
The story starts with a man named Abraham. He is the father of the Jews, the Muslims and the Christians. He was born in Iraq, the son of a wealthy idol manufacturer. He came to believe that there was only one true God and, according to tradition, took up his ax and destroyed his father's idols.
Eventually he left Iraq and moved to what is now known as Israel. He had a son with his concubine whom she named Ishmael. The Muslim world prefers the Arabic spelling of the name: Ismail. Eventually Abraham had a son by his rightful wife and named the son Isaac. Ishmael and his mother were disinherited and sent out into what is now Saudi Arabia. Isaac became the heir.
Eventually, God decided to test Abraham by telling him to kill his son, Isaac. Abraham took up the knife, but God stopped him at the last moment. Isaac lived and eventually became a man of great wealth. Ishmael became a desert warrior chieftain.
The Jews are the descendants of Isaac, the Arabs are the descendants of Ishmael.
In the 7th Century, Muhammad, the founder of Islam, re-wrote the story, claiming that Ismail was the true faithful descendant of Abraham and that it was he, not Isaac, who God told Abraham to sacrifice. Ismail was the one saved. For Muslims, Ismail (not Isaac) was the true 'Son of Sacrifice.' In the original version of the story, Abraham used a knife, in some of the later Muslim versions, he used an Ax.
Flash forward 1,400 years: a sullen, angry young man who rages against rich people and apparently against Christians, writes a play in which a mother and son try to kill his step-father, but in the end the boy (age about 13, the age many think Ismail was when he was exiled) is murdered by the step-father with 'a deadly blow'. Father issues? Yeah, I think so.
Cho Sueng-hui *** Ismail Ax hated the American society to which he had been brought 15 years earlier. His play McBeef (a poor pun from an English Lit major on Macbeth) is one endless screed against the corruption of American culture. A cheesy re-telling of Shakespeare's Hamlet, it involves a young man abused by his step-father, a former NFL football player. The son, throws epithets at his father calling him a 'Catholic priest'. And makes derisive comments about McDonalds. It seems that none of the foundational structures of Western Civilization, Christianity, capitalism, family, are spared his rage. In other words, he really meant what he said in his last words: ';you (that is us, America) made me do this.';Do you want to learn more about Ismail Axe?
I think it is very wise for us to know this story.Do you want to learn more about Ismail Axe?
Thank you! : )
Report Abuse
ALL humans are fearful, misunderstanding, misunderstood, hating killers... there are a few that go beyond this ';human condition'; to become something better. keep trying... you can get there...
If he was Muslim and doing it for Islam one would think this delusional person might have said something about it.
And even if he does, this does not make my beautiful religion, any less meaningful.
Good day
The gunman's family confirmed that he wouldn't even talk before he left South Korea. He had deep-seat mental issues that were made worse by Korean-bashing students.
Why does his terribly unstable mind have to be considered this way? His rantings specifically show he was not coherent and it is an insult to any ones religion that you would even question it like this.
Oh I'm sure you don't think it's cool when people bring up similar atrocities commited by Christians.
America is so evil, don't cha know?
C'mon.
We gave the world blue jeans and Michael Jackson.
Thriller, people.
The man made Thriller.
So, if I am getting this correct, the rantings of a delusional homicidal maniac of Korean descent and his actions means that all Muslims are bad. Do I get a cookie now? If that really is what you are trying to get at, your logic is just as twisted as his. BTW: TOO LONG!!!
The truth is he was extremely unstable!!!!!!!!!
At this point, the short answer is no. There is no single cure akin to penicillin for bacterial pneumonia. PTSD affects our system of remembering, causing ';hot'; memories that come out of the
Narcissistic personality. Ever lived with one?
Have you ever lived or been in a relationship with a person, who has Narcissistic Personality problems?
I just discovered my ex, whome I still have problems with, is a Narcissist, and I feel completely blind for missing it over the years. He abused me something royal (mentally) and I was too young to think it was him, and not me with the problem.
He is the father to my child. Any advice on how I can handle him for the best?Narcissistic personality. Ever lived with one?
YES my dad is a narcissist.
Don't feel blind - my mum and me (and brother) missed it for 25 years. We always knew there was something not quite normal about him, but never put it down to a personality disorder.
All I can say is don't try to reason with him anymore - he will never turn around and say sorry, so it's really not worth bashing your head against a brick wall about it. Only when I understood this was I able to let go and finally find some peace (internally), and some answers.
Remember that everything negative he has ever said to you is completely INVALID.
Also narcissists tend to get worse as they get older, and they generally are the hardest disorder to treat, because (as I'm sure you're well aware) they won't admit there's a problem within their own self inflated airs of grandeur.
My mum divorced him 5 years ago. She held out leaving him until me and my brother had left home. If anything it would have been better for her to have left him sooner rather than later.
You don't mention how old your child is - I know my dad's narcissm was incredibly damaging for both me and my brother. Don't let him have too much contact with your child if possible. Narcissists cannot empathise, which is very bad in respect of bringing up children.
Please feel free to email me if you want to chat more. x x
Narcissistic personality. Ever lived with one?
The truth is, if he is truely narcissistic, he will not change. Do not feel bad for missing it all those years because that is the art of the narcissist- they cannot get what they want from you if they make their life sucking ways noticable, so most around them do not realize it because most healthy persons cannot even begin to BELIEVE that a person can act this way. Its unnatural for most of us, so we come up with many other reasons for why they act this way. Narcissits can also objectify their children who in turn can become narcissits themselves, so I would be sure to be aware of the interactions he has with your child's personality development.
I could've written the identical thing (minus the child which I don't have). My ex -to- be was recently diagnosed with narcissism, and things are now coming together and I am realizing I am not to blame for a lot of our issues. They tend to think they are always right and important about everything. I don't know how you can handle him - my solution has been to leave him finally.
well i had a friend who was a big Narcissist and stopped talking to me when i gained weight cause i wasn't as perfect as he anymore so he was kinda embarassed.
he always acted superior for being handsome and such, but the way i delt with his was to just mock him in a 'cute' way.
didn't really solve anything, but it really was fun for me.
those people love themselves more than anything else, there is nothing much to do, just don't rely on them.
Just now looked for the exact meaning of narcissm
A personality disorder in which a person is so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter.
Hmm yes ... My ex was one too , I guess.. My feelings never ever mattered to him ..
He was so self-absorbed about what he thought, and ';his'; needs topped the list .....
sadly :( .....
People wont change for the better, unless they are ';truly'; in love, gal!
He never loved you truly , since he has left you ...!!
keep him as far away as possible it's not healthy for anyone.
A doctor said Mental illness is like a disease if someone has it it can make them closest ill too.
It is hard enough bringing up children without this in your life so get on with bringing up your child and be happy.
Pin point the fuel for his narcissism (collecting women, his looks, his perceived intelligence) and compliment him. He is easily manipulated by his ego.
actually i asked this question about my mum its here..,
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>
its actually quite a common trait i think-particularly in men! if he is abusive why would you want them in your child's life? they won't thank you for it.
my sister is
I just discovered my ex, whome I still have problems with, is a Narcissist, and I feel completely blind for missing it over the years. He abused me something royal (mentally) and I was too young to think it was him, and not me with the problem.
He is the father to my child. Any advice on how I can handle him for the best?Narcissistic personality. Ever lived with one?
YES my dad is a narcissist.
Don't feel blind - my mum and me (and brother) missed it for 25 years. We always knew there was something not quite normal about him, but never put it down to a personality disorder.
All I can say is don't try to reason with him anymore - he will never turn around and say sorry, so it's really not worth bashing your head against a brick wall about it. Only when I understood this was I able to let go and finally find some peace (internally), and some answers.
Remember that everything negative he has ever said to you is completely INVALID.
Also narcissists tend to get worse as they get older, and they generally are the hardest disorder to treat, because (as I'm sure you're well aware) they won't admit there's a problem within their own self inflated airs of grandeur.
My mum divorced him 5 years ago. She held out leaving him until me and my brother had left home. If anything it would have been better for her to have left him sooner rather than later.
You don't mention how old your child is - I know my dad's narcissm was incredibly damaging for both me and my brother. Don't let him have too much contact with your child if possible. Narcissists cannot empathise, which is very bad in respect of bringing up children.
Please feel free to email me if you want to chat more. x x
Narcissistic personality. Ever lived with one?
The truth is, if he is truely narcissistic, he will not change. Do not feel bad for missing it all those years because that is the art of the narcissist- they cannot get what they want from you if they make their life sucking ways noticable, so most around them do not realize it because most healthy persons cannot even begin to BELIEVE that a person can act this way. Its unnatural for most of us, so we come up with many other reasons for why they act this way. Narcissits can also objectify their children who in turn can become narcissits themselves, so I would be sure to be aware of the interactions he has with your child's personality development.
I could've written the identical thing (minus the child which I don't have). My ex -to- be was recently diagnosed with narcissism, and things are now coming together and I am realizing I am not to blame for a lot of our issues. They tend to think they are always right and important about everything. I don't know how you can handle him - my solution has been to leave him finally.
well i had a friend who was a big Narcissist and stopped talking to me when i gained weight cause i wasn't as perfect as he anymore so he was kinda embarassed.
he always acted superior for being handsome and such, but the way i delt with his was to just mock him in a 'cute' way.
didn't really solve anything, but it really was fun for me.
those people love themselves more than anything else, there is nothing much to do, just don't rely on them.
Just now looked for the exact meaning of narcissm
A personality disorder in which a person is so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter.
Hmm yes ... My ex was one too , I guess.. My feelings never ever mattered to him ..
He was so self-absorbed about what he thought, and ';his'; needs topped the list .....
sadly :( .....
People wont change for the better, unless they are ';truly'; in love, gal!
He never loved you truly , since he has left you ...!!
keep him as far away as possible it's not healthy for anyone.
A doctor said Mental illness is like a disease if someone has it it can make them closest ill too.
It is hard enough bringing up children without this in your life so get on with bringing up your child and be happy.
Pin point the fuel for his narcissism (collecting women, his looks, his perceived intelligence) and compliment him. He is easily manipulated by his ego.
actually i asked this question about my mum its here..,
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>
its actually quite a common trait i think-particularly in men! if he is abusive why would you want them in your child's life? they won't thank you for it.
my sister is
How do I handle Christmas with estranged parents?
The backstory on this is that my mother has been diagnosed as a narcissist by a professional; no matter what people do, she cannot be pleased. She has the habit of accusing my wife and I of not showing the proper reverence to her on holidays...months before the holiday even happens. We have never not included my parents and have always lavished them with gifts and attention. Her behavior had become increasingly more accusatory until August, when my phone call and card on her birthday was not up to muster. Since then, she and my father have cut us out of their lives. The question is, how do we handle the upcoming holidays? Do we send gifts and cards even though they will be thrown in the trash (this has happened before when they were displeased)? Do we invite them to our house even though they won't come (they live an hour away and haven't visited in 2 1/2 years)? Do we drop in on them? Do we do nothing? Thoughts?
I know people will read into the situation and accuse me of being a bad person. I appreciate all opinions, but am most interested in opinions on how to handle the holidays.How do I handle Christmas with estranged parents?
i would send cards, and an invitation.
if you know they won't come anyway,
don't really plan on them being there,
just send the greeting out of politeness.
if you don't want to waste the time and money,
just do nothing,
since it won't really matter anyways.
merry christmas and good luck.
I know people will read into the situation and accuse me of being a bad person. I appreciate all opinions, but am most interested in opinions on how to handle the holidays.How do I handle Christmas with estranged parents?
i would send cards, and an invitation.
if you know they won't come anyway,
don't really plan on them being there,
just send the greeting out of politeness.
if you don't want to waste the time and money,
just do nothing,
since it won't really matter anyways.
merry christmas and good luck.
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