First, let me paint a portrait of my family:
My nephew鈥?is being neglected, and is developmentally behind schedule.
My sister鈥?is a narcissist who openly brags that she enjoys emotionally tormenting others. However, she can mask this with a friendly face when it benefits her. She is absolutely the filthiest person I have ever known- she will allow things to rot in her home before she will take out the trash. She neglects my nephew and leaves him in his room, she doesn鈥檛 bathe him everyday. She refuses to call my Dad even though she knows he loves her and wants to hear from her, she won鈥檛 even bother to say hello to him when she is in the neighborhood. She insults me, mocks me, and tries to undermine me at every turn.
My brother in law鈥?is arrogant, evasive, and most likely has an eating disorder. He is also filthy and most likely mentally ill. He has hit his own father, curses out his brother and mother, and my father as well.
My father鈥?is always convinced that his way is right. He is just about the hardest working person I know, but also has one of the shortest tempers of anyone. He thinks he knows everything, but he loves our family with a passion that cannot be questioned. It breaks his heart to be unemployed and unable to provide for the family, and most of all, it breaks his heart to see my sister abandoning the ideals he raised her with. Just today, he mentioned that he may stop taking his medicines and commit suicide that way. He says my mother and I are the only bright spot in his life.
My mother鈥?is so stressed out she is almost at the breaking point. She is a classic martyr, taking everything upon herself and returning to school to earn a degree after raising two children. She takes everyone鈥檚 struggles upon herself to the point that she suffers just as they suffer. She is a saintly person, though I do not deny that she has her faults.
Myself鈥?I am a college student, I love to hang with friends and when I am at school, I can forget about all of my home problems. Thankfully I have not fallen into drugs, I want to work in law enforcement, I want to play soccer at the state college I鈥檓 about to transfer to, I have overcome a learning disability to get into college and am graduating this coming June. I have my faults for sure, I will not even try to lie- I am jealous, I am competitive, I can be impatient. But I try to consider others.
I almost feel guilty for being happy while the rest of my family suffers and struggles. How can I help them? How can I make this family work? Or is there nothing for me do, and I should just go on and live my life?
Please help me- I'm not looking for pity, I am looking for advice, and anyone who has come from a similar background, I want to hear your stories.
Thank you so muchHow can I deal with my family and try to help them out?
talk to hereHow can I deal with my family and try to help them out?
We cant always help every one we would like to.There is so much dysfunction in our word today.Do what you can,But remember you probably not qualfied to help,if you get to wrapped up in there dysfunction you will become dysfunctional yourself.
Love the unlovable and forgive even if they haven't asked for forgiveness, this takes great stength, but it will make you strong and keep you sain.
BT
I do not know what can cure your family. I do not question the views you have of them as I do not know you, or them. I does seem possible that you do not know all the inner thoughts and motives of those around you and perhaps your preception of them is different from how they see themselves. That is true of most of us, we only see certain pictures of each other, and can struggle to see the truth. You are awakening to the struggles that all human beings face. It is the human condition to struggle with our many difficulties. Some are defeated, some go on fighting even knowing the end result will be bad. And there are victories here and there. There are heros, and jerks, it's called a family. You can only determine your own destiny, love your family with all the imperfections, as I am sure they love you. That is all you can do, and place them in the hands of God in prayer. Help when you can, and love all past all circumstances and weaknesses.
you sound like such a sweet sweet girl. sadly, i think you cant tell people how to live their own life, so make yours fantastic, and try to help out when you can by giving him money, buying things they need, and visiting and comforting the people that you care about the most it sounds like, your father, mother and nephew. im sorry you are going through this. x
Monday, August 16, 2010
Should I end my emotional support for my 36 year old boyfriend who has been abused by his parents?
My live-in boyfriend of 2 years has had an extremely bad relationship with his father all of his life. His father is a clinically diagnosed narcissist who abuses everyone that comes within reach. I have been a victim of his verbal assaults and his sexual advances. His mother enables his father to the extreme and their family has suffered beyond words for almost 40 years. I got caught up in the mess and now my boyfriend is defending his father. Should I just walk away?
His father has gone so far as to say that he isn’t his real son. My boyfriend recalls being a young boy and hearing this. A few months ago his father said the same thing again. Recently, I found literature about coping with dysfunctional families and my boyfriend really showed his willingness to finally get some help. He read everything he could get his hands on and I totally supported whatever he wanted to do. I never meddled or forced anything upon him. He was so grateful that I was there for him. I spent hours researching and went so far as to buy him books with my own money. He decided to confront his father in a letter and basically cut off ties with his parents until they get some intensive therapy. They are emotionally draining and they call constantly to harass us. Last night my boyfriend and I were in a little argument and I said “What’s wrong with you?” And he got so upset and he said “Nothing, DAD!” I felt really insulted to be called that so, in response I replied with calling him my ex-husband’s name. Yes, all very immature! Well, what happened next shocked me. My boyfriend told me off and told me how much he cares about his dad and he doesn’t like me badmouthing his father and he doesn’t want me saying anything about him because he cares for him and loves him. I felt like the biggest fool. I felt like I put my neck out there and I did everything to support his quest for a life as an adult and as a survivor is his father’s abuse. Then, he turned on me. I am going to mind my own business. Am I wrong to now walk away and let him fend for himself?Should I end my emotional support for my 36 year old boyfriend who has been abused by his parents?
Get away and never look back. Bad relationship with the family and between you two. If he wants a sick family let him have them.Should I end my emotional support for my 36 year old boyfriend who has been abused by his parents?
It's time for sonny-boy to grow up. He's 40 years old and is still looking for approval from those who simply cannot give it.
Time to move on, girl. You deserve way, way better than this.
The thing is, once you're gone - stay that way. Do not let him or anyone from that nest of cockroaches he calls his family back into your life - not for any reason - ever.
it seems he still lovs his dad despite the problems and hes right in defending his dad the bible says honor thy father thats what hes doin. I have a similar instance where my dad bad mouths my older brother and i stick up for him bc hes my brothr and hes a good guy despite his minor problems. It might b best to continue to help him just simply dont mention his father in a negative way
The choice is yours but be careful to make a rash decision based on what was said in the heat of an argument. It is clear that you are part of the problem now and that this family dysfunction is very ingrained in the family system. I would ask do you really feel you need to put up with this type of abuse. You cannot expect him to change and hoping he will is very futile. You need to seek in your heart for what makes you happy and follow that happiness. Don't worry about him or his family you must take care of you. He might have had what they call a relapse back into his old ways of thinking which is very common. I'm sure there are much more stable men and families that would love to have you around. His family is not his choice but you do have a choice.
Based on what I've learned from unhealthy relationships...I'd bounce and never look back but that's me you might not be ready to take that step.
No your not wrong. He needs to make his own decisions. He needs to see just how damaging the relationship is. He sounds really desperate like he wants it to work with his father, but you know it won't work. If I were you, I'd get a restraining order against his father. If he is really that bad you don't need him coming near you! Protect you first and foremost! Let your boy come to his senses and realize he needs to do the same. Maybe record what his father says and then record his reaction until you've got enough evidence to show your boy how bad his father really is?
No, you're not wrong. It's the best thing you can do for YOU. You've tried to help and you've been there. Your bf isn't ready to get help. They all need it. It's time to cut ties and go your separate way. How much longer are you going to let this consume you? The daily stress of dealing with it must be difficult. Your bf is 36. It's his way of life, and he'll never change it. I don't blame him, but his father has really manipulated the whole family, and they feel guilty abandoning him.
It sounds like things just got out of control. Both of you said things you didn't mean. I am sure he didn't mean everything he said about his father either. However, when we are upset we often say things that we wouldn't have the courage otherwise to say.
When things calm down, the two of you need to have an adult talk this time and get things out in the open.
Change is difficult and a little scary. It could be that he is just afraid. There is also a lot of pressure in a dysfunctional family to play your role in the dysfunction. Everyone has their sick little part to play. If someone quits playing, it screws up the whole game.
Reiterate to him that you aren't trying to interfere or force him to do anything but he knows that the relationship isn't healthy.
I would start by asking myself if I loved the guy enough to see him through this.If the answer is yes,then you have options.Start by seeing if your boyfriend will go to couples counseling.Unfortunately,most mental illness is heriditary,and it sounds as if your boyfriend has some tendancies.Then,if you can get him started with counseling,he might see that there are things he needs to deal with from his past,and the therapist will help him with it.If he refuses,you have one of two options.You can either stand by him and hope that things won't get worse (which you know they will) OR you can end things.If your boyfriend starts gettig the help he needs now,he might be able to convince his dad to get help later.As far as dealing with his dad,there is no reason why he can't have a relationship with his father.It does not mean you have to though.Just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with his dad,but he is welcome to spend time with him.Remember,it is hard for your boyfriend to be torn between the woman he loves and the family that raised him.Cutting him off from his family is controlling him,and it also changes who he is.You did not fall for someone different,so dont make him change.Just find compromises to fit both of your comfort levels.dvr hair spray
His father has gone so far as to say that he isn’t his real son. My boyfriend recalls being a young boy and hearing this. A few months ago his father said the same thing again. Recently, I found literature about coping with dysfunctional families and my boyfriend really showed his willingness to finally get some help. He read everything he could get his hands on and I totally supported whatever he wanted to do. I never meddled or forced anything upon him. He was so grateful that I was there for him. I spent hours researching and went so far as to buy him books with my own money. He decided to confront his father in a letter and basically cut off ties with his parents until they get some intensive therapy. They are emotionally draining and they call constantly to harass us. Last night my boyfriend and I were in a little argument and I said “What’s wrong with you?” And he got so upset and he said “Nothing, DAD!” I felt really insulted to be called that so, in response I replied with calling him my ex-husband’s name. Yes, all very immature! Well, what happened next shocked me. My boyfriend told me off and told me how much he cares about his dad and he doesn’t like me badmouthing his father and he doesn’t want me saying anything about him because he cares for him and loves him. I felt like the biggest fool. I felt like I put my neck out there and I did everything to support his quest for a life as an adult and as a survivor is his father’s abuse. Then, he turned on me. I am going to mind my own business. Am I wrong to now walk away and let him fend for himself?Should I end my emotional support for my 36 year old boyfriend who has been abused by his parents?
Get away and never look back. Bad relationship with the family and between you two. If he wants a sick family let him have them.Should I end my emotional support for my 36 year old boyfriend who has been abused by his parents?
It's time for sonny-boy to grow up. He's 40 years old and is still looking for approval from those who simply cannot give it.
Time to move on, girl. You deserve way, way better than this.
The thing is, once you're gone - stay that way. Do not let him or anyone from that nest of cockroaches he calls his family back into your life - not for any reason - ever.
it seems he still lovs his dad despite the problems and hes right in defending his dad the bible says honor thy father thats what hes doin. I have a similar instance where my dad bad mouths my older brother and i stick up for him bc hes my brothr and hes a good guy despite his minor problems. It might b best to continue to help him just simply dont mention his father in a negative way
The choice is yours but be careful to make a rash decision based on what was said in the heat of an argument. It is clear that you are part of the problem now and that this family dysfunction is very ingrained in the family system. I would ask do you really feel you need to put up with this type of abuse. You cannot expect him to change and hoping he will is very futile. You need to seek in your heart for what makes you happy and follow that happiness. Don't worry about him or his family you must take care of you. He might have had what they call a relapse back into his old ways of thinking which is very common. I'm sure there are much more stable men and families that would love to have you around. His family is not his choice but you do have a choice.
Based on what I've learned from unhealthy relationships...I'd bounce and never look back but that's me you might not be ready to take that step.
No your not wrong. He needs to make his own decisions. He needs to see just how damaging the relationship is. He sounds really desperate like he wants it to work with his father, but you know it won't work. If I were you, I'd get a restraining order against his father. If he is really that bad you don't need him coming near you! Protect you first and foremost! Let your boy come to his senses and realize he needs to do the same. Maybe record what his father says and then record his reaction until you've got enough evidence to show your boy how bad his father really is?
No, you're not wrong. It's the best thing you can do for YOU. You've tried to help and you've been there. Your bf isn't ready to get help. They all need it. It's time to cut ties and go your separate way. How much longer are you going to let this consume you? The daily stress of dealing with it must be difficult. Your bf is 36. It's his way of life, and he'll never change it. I don't blame him, but his father has really manipulated the whole family, and they feel guilty abandoning him.
It sounds like things just got out of control. Both of you said things you didn't mean. I am sure he didn't mean everything he said about his father either. However, when we are upset we often say things that we wouldn't have the courage otherwise to say.
When things calm down, the two of you need to have an adult talk this time and get things out in the open.
Change is difficult and a little scary. It could be that he is just afraid. There is also a lot of pressure in a dysfunctional family to play your role in the dysfunction. Everyone has their sick little part to play. If someone quits playing, it screws up the whole game.
Reiterate to him that you aren't trying to interfere or force him to do anything but he knows that the relationship isn't healthy.
I would start by asking myself if I loved the guy enough to see him through this.If the answer is yes,then you have options.Start by seeing if your boyfriend will go to couples counseling.Unfortunately,most mental illness is heriditary,and it sounds as if your boyfriend has some tendancies.Then,if you can get him started with counseling,he might see that there are things he needs to deal with from his past,and the therapist will help him with it.If he refuses,you have one of two options.You can either stand by him and hope that things won't get worse (which you know they will) OR you can end things.If your boyfriend starts gettig the help he needs now,he might be able to convince his dad to get help later.As far as dealing with his dad,there is no reason why he can't have a relationship with his father.It does not mean you have to though.Just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with his dad,but he is welcome to spend time with him.Remember,it is hard for your boyfriend to be torn between the woman he loves and the family that raised him.Cutting him off from his family is controlling him,and it also changes who he is.You did not fall for someone different,so dont make him change.Just find compromises to fit both of your comfort levels.
Why do I feel miserable if I was happy to get out?
My husband was a porn addict, pathological liar, controlling, narcissist, joined at the hip with his parents. I am glad I got out of that relationship that made me miserable, depressed, scared and frustrated. I think it was a good decision, and everyone I have spoken to about this has validated this as a good decision.
Why, then, do I still feel miserable? I moved out 2 months back, I was only married for a year and half and knew him for a year and a half before getting married. I still cannot function well at work, I keep falling behind, which further decreases my already low self-esteem. I sleep a lot and eat whatever I want, I don't exercise, I am essentially not taking care of myself. I go to the occasional outing with girls but most of the time I am by myself. I live in the midwest where the weather has been gloomy for weeks and I have seasonal affective disorder, so that isn't helping either.
How do I get out of this rut? Am I going to be this miserable forever? I don't have enough enthusiasm yet to move to a new place, make new friends, set up a new life. What are small things I can do to make myself feel better on a daily basis?Why do I feel miserable if I was happy to get out?
Exercise! It's a must and you KNOW it!!
Get yourself eating better starting tonight!
No more of the POOR ME talk... tell your friends you need their help; don't let them let you indulge you in it.
Pick the one of your friends with the most solid common sense and when you need a Kick-in-the-Pants talk, have it with them -- or get into therapy for a few sessions. It'll do you a world of good.
Pick up a new hobby if you can. Something you can focus on through the winter: with a group that will hold you accountable would be GREAT. The winter ';blues'; and your SAD are real. Be proactive against sliding into a deeper 'Blah' than you already are.
You WILL NOT feel like this forever, Honey.
It's good that you recognize that you need to take care of yourself... go out and do it. :)
Best to you!!!
xoxoxoxoWhy do I feel miserable if I was happy to get out?
Because the peace of mind that you have now is unsettling. You were almost used to the dysfunction and you have to recover. You will be fine. Just join a gym and start working out if you don't already. This does wonders for depression and low self-esteem, not to mention, you can meet new people. Try hard to keep focused at work because that's your livelihood. You won't be miserable forever, you just have to get your groove back!
You're still upset and it's understandable because you were married and I'm sure you loved him. You are probably thinking about all the good times you had with him and how you miss him. You need to get out and meet people. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off of the past. Join a gym, volunteer or take classes at a community college. Stay strong and you'll get through this.
You need to go on an antidepressant temporarily. You need to talk to a doctor about the way you feel, he will proscribe you one. You most likely are depressed because you feel you won't find someone. Not taking care of yourself just adds to that feeling. You must force yourself out of this rut. Make yourself do things. You will be ok. I promise. Everyone has low times.
It's natural. It's the 3rd step out of 6.
Let it pass. It will pass. I had an ex who tried to get me beat up twice and I still think on some days I love her.
you feel miserable because you got him started on all the bad habits and you still have the bad habits and now getting out of that rut will be tough, your friends will have to be strong or you will ruin them just like you ruined your husband
Because it's still fresh and new. Give it some time for you to find your new life and you'll see the split was well worth it.
You need to figure out why you did not see this before you married him.
You should do this so you don't make the same mistake again.
You making me depressed...
It takes time to heal all wounds, you might want to contact a counselor!
Even though you were wise enough to get out of this terrible marriage, there's still a period of sadness that you have to deal with. You married this man with good intentions. You wanted the marriage to work and I'm sure you tried in every way to save it; but it just didn't work. This is what you're feeling sad about. You have to understand that you married the wrong man. It's unfortunate, but it's just that simple. A lot of women marry the wrong man and they get out of the marriages, just as you did. Don't punish yourself for making an honest mistake. Be thankful that there are no children involved and it's a clean break.
Get plenty of rest while you're going through this period of sadness, but also start taking better care of yourself. You've done nothing wrong and there is no reason why your self esteem should suffer. You did the right thing, the wise thing to get out of a bad situation. You can feel good about yourself for having the courage to do so. You're a beautiful flower. Know that about yourself. Also know that Mr. Right is waiting to love you with all of his heart. Concentrate on getting yourself back together for him. You can feel just as sad while you're doing your exercises. In fact, a few good sit ups might even drive the sadness away. Best wishes to you.
Volunteer, it is the best way I know to get out of a pitty party and back into life. A retirement home is a great place because most of that generation has already been through what you are going through. You can go to a food pantry or soup kitchen. It helps others and you are also helping yourself. Tons of places need volunteers. You can go as often as you like. If you don't like one place volunteer at another. The posssibilities are endless. You are needed there and it will make you feel great. Good luck.
You're not going to feel this way forever, I promise. It was six months after I left my first husband before I stopped crying myself to sleep. The only reason why I didn't crawl into bed and stay there for days was because I had a young child to take care, so I forced myself to get up and go to work and go through the motions.
Start remembering the things that made you happy before you met your ex and try to get back into them. If you can, get a puppy or a kitten. Do nice things for YOU. Little by little, the gloom will lift, I promise!
Why, then, do I still feel miserable? I moved out 2 months back, I was only married for a year and half and knew him for a year and a half before getting married. I still cannot function well at work, I keep falling behind, which further decreases my already low self-esteem. I sleep a lot and eat whatever I want, I don't exercise, I am essentially not taking care of myself. I go to the occasional outing with girls but most of the time I am by myself. I live in the midwest where the weather has been gloomy for weeks and I have seasonal affective disorder, so that isn't helping either.
How do I get out of this rut? Am I going to be this miserable forever? I don't have enough enthusiasm yet to move to a new place, make new friends, set up a new life. What are small things I can do to make myself feel better on a daily basis?Why do I feel miserable if I was happy to get out?
Exercise! It's a must and you KNOW it!!
Get yourself eating better starting tonight!
No more of the POOR ME talk... tell your friends you need their help; don't let them let you indulge you in it.
Pick the one of your friends with the most solid common sense and when you need a Kick-in-the-Pants talk, have it with them -- or get into therapy for a few sessions. It'll do you a world of good.
Pick up a new hobby if you can. Something you can focus on through the winter: with a group that will hold you accountable would be GREAT. The winter ';blues'; and your SAD are real. Be proactive against sliding into a deeper 'Blah' than you already are.
You WILL NOT feel like this forever, Honey.
It's good that you recognize that you need to take care of yourself... go out and do it. :)
Best to you!!!
xoxoxoxoWhy do I feel miserable if I was happy to get out?
Because the peace of mind that you have now is unsettling. You were almost used to the dysfunction and you have to recover. You will be fine. Just join a gym and start working out if you don't already. This does wonders for depression and low self-esteem, not to mention, you can meet new people. Try hard to keep focused at work because that's your livelihood. You won't be miserable forever, you just have to get your groove back!
You're still upset and it's understandable because you were married and I'm sure you loved him. You are probably thinking about all the good times you had with him and how you miss him. You need to get out and meet people. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off of the past. Join a gym, volunteer or take classes at a community college. Stay strong and you'll get through this.
You need to go on an antidepressant temporarily. You need to talk to a doctor about the way you feel, he will proscribe you one. You most likely are depressed because you feel you won't find someone. Not taking care of yourself just adds to that feeling. You must force yourself out of this rut. Make yourself do things. You will be ok. I promise. Everyone has low times.
It's natural. It's the 3rd step out of 6.
Let it pass. It will pass. I had an ex who tried to get me beat up twice and I still think on some days I love her.
you feel miserable because you got him started on all the bad habits and you still have the bad habits and now getting out of that rut will be tough, your friends will have to be strong or you will ruin them just like you ruined your husband
Because it's still fresh and new. Give it some time for you to find your new life and you'll see the split was well worth it.
You need to figure out why you did not see this before you married him.
You should do this so you don't make the same mistake again.
You making me depressed...
It takes time to heal all wounds, you might want to contact a counselor!
Even though you were wise enough to get out of this terrible marriage, there's still a period of sadness that you have to deal with. You married this man with good intentions. You wanted the marriage to work and I'm sure you tried in every way to save it; but it just didn't work. This is what you're feeling sad about. You have to understand that you married the wrong man. It's unfortunate, but it's just that simple. A lot of women marry the wrong man and they get out of the marriages, just as you did. Don't punish yourself for making an honest mistake. Be thankful that there are no children involved and it's a clean break.
Get plenty of rest while you're going through this period of sadness, but also start taking better care of yourself. You've done nothing wrong and there is no reason why your self esteem should suffer. You did the right thing, the wise thing to get out of a bad situation. You can feel good about yourself for having the courage to do so. You're a beautiful flower. Know that about yourself. Also know that Mr. Right is waiting to love you with all of his heart. Concentrate on getting yourself back together for him. You can feel just as sad while you're doing your exercises. In fact, a few good sit ups might even drive the sadness away. Best wishes to you.
Volunteer, it is the best way I know to get out of a pitty party and back into life. A retirement home is a great place because most of that generation has already been through what you are going through. You can go to a food pantry or soup kitchen. It helps others and you are also helping yourself. Tons of places need volunteers. You can go as often as you like. If you don't like one place volunteer at another. The posssibilities are endless. You are needed there and it will make you feel great. Good luck.
You're not going to feel this way forever, I promise. It was six months after I left my first husband before I stopped crying myself to sleep. The only reason why I didn't crawl into bed and stay there for days was because I had a young child to take care, so I forced myself to get up and go to work and go through the motions.
Start remembering the things that made you happy before you met your ex and try to get back into them. If you can, get a puppy or a kitten. Do nice things for YOU. Little by little, the gloom will lift, I promise!
My Husband Stuffs Himself?
My husband stuffs himself with 30 cigs a day, drinks whiskey every night, eats cakes/biscuits/trifles all the food you shouldn't eat but yet he is as fit as a fiddle, the only thing wrong with him is that he has a corn. He glows with health and has a lovely pinky/red skin. His energy is something else. He's 83 and totally an egotist/narcissist...and how, he just adores himself and no one else.
Trust me, I'd love to be a widow
How can someone go against all the 'rules' and live to this ripe old bliddy age?My Husband Stuffs Himself?
Make sure you have good life insurance.My Husband Stuffs Himself?
He sounds like a very lucky guy to still be around. I'd probably love myself too if I had beat all of the odds and stared death in the face with a bottle of whiskey and a cigarette in one hand, and a powdered sugar donut in the other.
When you said your husband stuffs himself, I thought you meant his pants.
Love him. He chose YOU to be with for the rest of his life, and if hes going through a rough patch, don't just let him go. Do you really want that kind of an end? Trust me, if you let him die, you'll surely regret it.
He may look fine on the outside but his body will be on the verge of collapse on the inside. A close medical inspection would soon show the severity of the effects his lifestyle is having on his vital organs.
telll him to stop or ur leaving take everything.. he deserves it if he can't care about you enough to stop
answer mine please =]
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Stay with him, I know its wrong, but you committed yourself and God woulnd't like it. I think you should have a pastor go over your place and talk to him.
When you get to this age, you just gotta make yourself happy; quit worring over his attitude and make you happy!!
Find something you enjoy and live it up baby!
let him die
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Well only thing I can say, is there is something in his life that need to be done still. What is it I can not say only the lord knows.
Wow.
I hope im like that when i reach his age. But tell him to go easy on the smoking, drinking and eating.
Have some fun with him.
try doing the same back to him(but stay healthy). then if he questions your new life talk to him and tell him that he seems to be a little cocky.
Lucky bastard
He's going to live forever!
Ever heard the saying ';only the good die young';?
if i were you i would put him on a diet and cut down on his smoking.
talk to him about his eating habits b4 he becomes one of those people who cant even get out of the bed
Genetics I guess!! Some folks are just lucky.
';my husband stuffs himself'; - wow - the perverted things that went through my head....some people have good genes.
I was on the floor rolling with laughter. I love it. How long have you two been married?
hey hes 80 right let him be himself.
wait till he dies and then take all of his money.
he has to be close to death
get a divorce
oh you are bitter
Trust me, I'd love to be a widow
How can someone go against all the 'rules' and live to this ripe old bliddy age?My Husband Stuffs Himself?
Make sure you have good life insurance.My Husband Stuffs Himself?
He sounds like a very lucky guy to still be around. I'd probably love myself too if I had beat all of the odds and stared death in the face with a bottle of whiskey and a cigarette in one hand, and a powdered sugar donut in the other.
When you said your husband stuffs himself, I thought you meant his pants.
Love him. He chose YOU to be with for the rest of his life, and if hes going through a rough patch, don't just let him go. Do you really want that kind of an end? Trust me, if you let him die, you'll surely regret it.
He may look fine on the outside but his body will be on the verge of collapse on the inside. A close medical inspection would soon show the severity of the effects his lifestyle is having on his vital organs.
telll him to stop or ur leaving take everything.. he deserves it if he can't care about you enough to stop
answer mine please =]
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Stay with him, I know its wrong, but you committed yourself and God woulnd't like it. I think you should have a pastor go over your place and talk to him.
When you get to this age, you just gotta make yourself happy; quit worring over his attitude and make you happy!!
Find something you enjoy and live it up baby!
let him die
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Well only thing I can say, is there is something in his life that need to be done still. What is it I can not say only the lord knows.
Wow.
I hope im like that when i reach his age. But tell him to go easy on the smoking, drinking and eating.
Have some fun with him.
try doing the same back to him(but stay healthy). then if he questions your new life talk to him and tell him that he seems to be a little cocky.
Lucky bastard
He's going to live forever!
Ever heard the saying ';only the good die young';?
if i were you i would put him on a diet and cut down on his smoking.
talk to him about his eating habits b4 he becomes one of those people who cant even get out of the bed
Genetics I guess!! Some folks are just lucky.
';my husband stuffs himself'; - wow - the perverted things that went through my head....some people have good genes.
I was on the floor rolling with laughter. I love it. How long have you two been married?
hey hes 80 right let him be himself.
wait till he dies and then take all of his money.
he has to be close to death
get a divorce
oh you are bitter
Is this such a good idea?
~ I'm in love with a narcissist. And yet, I keep thinking I can handle the distantly cold emotions; being made insignificant; etc.
My healthy mind tells me that I am better than that and I don't deserve it. I'm attractive and have a lot to offer a potential partner.
My codependant mind tells me that I need this person and I can 'handle' the phrases, comments and the distance.
A vicious circle~
I would like to hear suggestions on how to cope with this...
We have been broken up now for 7 weeks. I moved to another state- I don't want to live here but had to deal with unfinished business with house- if I have to start my life over, I at least want it to be in a cool place....
I want to move back- and my ex said I could move in and be 'roomates'.. Is this a good idea?Is this such a good idea?
YESIs this such a good idea?
Your ex isn't offering you to much far as romance goes. He needs you only to help pay the bills etc. I think you would regret this moving in with him. Move back to this town you like, but live by yourself. The farther away from your ex would be best for you. Find another man that deserves you for what you stand for. Set goals for yourself and make yourself the happiest person doing what you choose. Life is short, so find that perfect person. You left your ex for a reason so leave well enough alone when it comes to him. Cocoa
you = far too into yourself to care about some other self-centered boob.
you know every term about you, you've read all the books about you, you've talked to all the counselors about you, you watch all the oprahs about you.
references to the realtionship? 2.
references to your glittery wonderful self? 21.
no. move on with your future now or you will whinge about it for the next 29 years and only have yourself to blame. try doing the things you like and getting out and meeting people who like the same things your true love will come along but it is not your ex.take care
Noooooo its not a good idea. Unless you want to uproot and move out again in a few weeks or months. Continue to know you deserve better and make it so. Your never going to move on with your life if you stay in a cirlce.
NO! Never a good idea to do anything a narcissist says! Being roomates will just be a new way for this person to manipulate and control you!
horrible idea - just horrible - get it out of your mind - it's not possible to be happy
find a CODA meeting! (call intergroup; they're in the phone book) or here's a site: http://www.coda.org/index.php
Your summary sounds awfully narcissistic itself.
Just my opinion
I gotta go , can't take the redneck , stuff outside , keep that between ya al !
If you really want to, go for it. The ex thing sounds a bit tricky, though.
no, your whole life is going to be around him, it is NEVER going to be about you! Find yourself someone normal!
No way! move on, get with someone who cares for you.
My healthy mind tells me that I am better than that and I don't deserve it. I'm attractive and have a lot to offer a potential partner.
My codependant mind tells me that I need this person and I can 'handle' the phrases, comments and the distance.
A vicious circle~
I would like to hear suggestions on how to cope with this...
We have been broken up now for 7 weeks. I moved to another state- I don't want to live here but had to deal with unfinished business with house- if I have to start my life over, I at least want it to be in a cool place....
I want to move back- and my ex said I could move in and be 'roomates'.. Is this a good idea?Is this such a good idea?
YESIs this such a good idea?
Your ex isn't offering you to much far as romance goes. He needs you only to help pay the bills etc. I think you would regret this moving in with him. Move back to this town you like, but live by yourself. The farther away from your ex would be best for you. Find another man that deserves you for what you stand for. Set goals for yourself and make yourself the happiest person doing what you choose. Life is short, so find that perfect person. You left your ex for a reason so leave well enough alone when it comes to him. Cocoa
you = far too into yourself to care about some other self-centered boob.
you know every term about you, you've read all the books about you, you've talked to all the counselors about you, you watch all the oprahs about you.
references to the realtionship? 2.
references to your glittery wonderful self? 21.
no. move on with your future now or you will whinge about it for the next 29 years and only have yourself to blame. try doing the things you like and getting out and meeting people who like the same things your true love will come along but it is not your ex.take care
Noooooo its not a good idea. Unless you want to uproot and move out again in a few weeks or months. Continue to know you deserve better and make it so. Your never going to move on with your life if you stay in a cirlce.
NO! Never a good idea to do anything a narcissist says! Being roomates will just be a new way for this person to manipulate and control you!
horrible idea - just horrible - get it out of your mind - it's not possible to be happy
find a CODA meeting! (call intergroup; they're in the phone book) or here's a site: http://www.coda.org/index.php
Your summary sounds awfully narcissistic itself.
Just my opinion
I gotta go , can't take the redneck , stuff outside , keep that between ya al !
If you really want to, go for it. The ex thing sounds a bit tricky, though.
no, your whole life is going to be around him, it is NEVER going to be about you! Find yourself someone normal!
No way! move on, get with someone who cares for you.
How do you interact, as an adult, with a verbally abusive parent?
I apologize ahead of time for the novel, but there is no easy way to describe my situation.
I've recently begun delving through my past and present relationship with my father. A few things that I've discovered are that he is narcissistic, extremely short tempered, verbally abusive and throws 5-year-old temper tantrums. I've had shouting matches, tried to give reasonable answers to his fumings, and simply left the room. I always feel emotionally defeated no matter what the outcome. He does not take criticism. I think he truly believes that he has never been ';wrong';.
I usually do everything I can to avoid being the target of his tirade, but it still hurts emotionally to watch him rant at other members of my family and minutes later he'll try to have a conversation like nothing happened. I've never even once seen him apologize.
It seems that there is no hope that my parents would ever separate, so if I want to see my mom, I have to see him. I live in PA and the rest of my family (mom dad and two siblings) lives in MN).
I've decided to begin seeing a counselor on this issue, but I wonder how other people in a similar situation handle this. I've seen a lot of advise saying to cut narcissist out of your life and believe me, if that was an option, I would do it. I love my mother and would not stop seeing her just to avoid my father. What I want is relief from the emotional stress that I feel every time I see them.
One last comment - My mother tells me that my fathers temper is worse around me. I know he has not directed it at me in the past few years, but I wonder if my impatience with him shows through and makes it worse for everyone. I don't believe that his reactions are my responsibility, but if my presence ultimately causes grief to the rest of my family, I'm in a bit of a catch 22. Should I change my attitude towards him to make life more bearable, or allow him to hurt my family?
If you've dealt with type of person, describe how you've learned to interact with them as you've gotten older, even if that means cutting them off and no longer speaking with them?How do you interact, as an adult, with a verbally abusive parent?
Sorry that you are in this situation.
It seems you are taking the right step for yourself by seeing a counselor. If you get a good one, I am sure they will help you to shed some light on what is the best route to take in this situation.
It must be difficult like you said if it were anyone else you would have taken a hike a long time a go, but when we deal with family there is so much more to consider.
You said that you avoid being the target of your father's tirade as much as you can. I can only suggest that you continue on this path.
You are not the problem though, he is the one with the problem, but if it means more peace for your mom and other family members then maybe for your sanity you ought limit your visits and time around your father, until you receive some, hopefully, wise counsel and perhaps some effective coping tools to deal with the situation.
I do know that for people like your dad, our reaction towards them can either inflate or deflate the mood. We either feed the fire so to speak or douse the flames, it takes skill to know how to respond. Learn to read the signs and try a new approach. I hope the counsellor can advise you in this area.
My dad sounds a bit different to yours, but mine sure knows how to push buttons, it isn't easy to not react, but over time I have learnt to ignore much and not bite the bait. He too has never apologised and cannot admit being wrong. If it's any consolation, my father has mellowed somewhat with age, but he had to reach his 70's to do so.How do you interact, as an adult, with a verbally abusive parent?
I put them in their place and have them wondering if they're ever going to see or hear from me again.
one of my best friends were like that when we became roomates, almost got in fist fights at times. i found out since he liked weed so much i would roll up while he is arguing and light it then pass it to him and then the peace came instantly, so i guess its just a subliminal cry for help saying ';i am not getting what i need and i am stressed out!'; i feel that way at times and it seems the only thing that does help is smoking weed because it relaxes you and makes you happy and think positive, the only reason it is so illegal is because they havent found a way to tax it since you can easily grow it.
just because your dad shouts and argues doesn't mean you have to engage in a shouting match with him maybe you too are both very much alike how about you and your father go somewhere alone together have some father daughter time then maybe you could get to the root of the problem and start having a healthy relationship im not saying talk to him directly about it but to just enjoy each others company without both of you getting wound up and shouting find out what he likes then go with him or take him to do or see some thing you know he is interested in build a bridge before you are unable to .
My dad is pretty much the same way. We got into screaming fits all the time because of the fact that he gets into tantrums so easily. Apparently you assume your not similar to your dad, so you clash, but just because you don't argue the same way, it doesn't mean anything.
The thing you should remember is he is not going to change. He's just that type of person, and if your parents show no signs in divorcing, then they most likely aren't.
My parents have also been married 20+ years, and I have had situations such as yours where it got to the point where his temper was out of control. You can't avoid these tempers sometimes, so the best thing to do is to learn the proper way to deal with it in an adult manner.
By all means continue seeing your mother, but talk to him when he talks to you. Don't be sarcastic or anything, otherwise that will set him off. If his temper starts flaring, you need to take a timeout, tell him, ';We need a break,'; And walk away. The best thing for these tempers is a Cool down time, that way later; you can talk about the problem calmly, and without flailing arms and yelling.
My mom gave me this advice because she dealt with the same thing. Your mom is probably the same way. If yelling starts, stop the conversation and talk about it later, but don't let your emotions soar.
The main thing is that he is your father, so it's not like you can change him or avoid him completely. Don't all around avoid him, because that does not solve the problem, it just covers it. Trust me, I have tried with my dad, and it just makes things worse in the long run. Though I don't tell him that I don't really enjoy visiting around with him there, I don't say that because he is human too. You have to also understand that he is human as well, and is not perfect.
Also, a little tidbit; Hang out with your mom at a time when you know he is at work, out, or just not around. That's what I do. That way, when I am visiting and he's there, it's not quite so nerve-wracking. Trust me; I know the irritation of having a family member that you don't really enjoy seeing much. But if you make peace with it and realize that he is your dad and he loves you, it will be a little easier.
I've had this problem with my Mother-in Law for 16 years. I've finally had it.
I Emailed her to let her know I won't be coming to Thanksgiving this year and why.
I refuse to let her ruin another Holiday for me.
Some people are just mad at life and there isn't much you can do about it.
My father is a real azz, and when he is being a jerk like that,I tell him off.You can tell he hates when I do that,but I really don't care,he knows im right.I know he is my father but in truth he is only a person,and if he is going to act like that, I let him have it.
Try ripping him a new one ( whats he going to do you're an adult living on your own)especially if you are in the right,he might just see the error of his ways and then you might be able to have a real conversation with him.GL
It sounds like you are really doing the best you can right now. You know it's not your fault and you have tried various ways of dealing with it. The fact is, he's a jerk. Others, including your mom, have decided to let him continue to treat them that way, while you have let him know you won't tolerate it towards you. Try to plan things with your mom that will limit your exposure to your dad- take her shopping or to a garden walk, etc. Things your dad wouldn't be interested in. Other than that, just do your best and know that you can't change him.
same situation. i realized that my parents behavior and the way she interacts with me is not really my fault.
i have talked to my older sisters and found that this was the way her parents interacted with her.i was to young to really know my grandparents before they passed away.
i have kids and found myself being the same way with them. i felt terrible and spoke to them about this.i asked them to let me know when i was being verbally abusive to let me know and this seems to work for us.
i cant change the past, i can only be aware of my actions in the future.
I've recently begun delving through my past and present relationship with my father. A few things that I've discovered are that he is narcissistic, extremely short tempered, verbally abusive and throws 5-year-old temper tantrums. I've had shouting matches, tried to give reasonable answers to his fumings, and simply left the room. I always feel emotionally defeated no matter what the outcome. He does not take criticism. I think he truly believes that he has never been ';wrong';.
I usually do everything I can to avoid being the target of his tirade, but it still hurts emotionally to watch him rant at other members of my family and minutes later he'll try to have a conversation like nothing happened. I've never even once seen him apologize.
It seems that there is no hope that my parents would ever separate, so if I want to see my mom, I have to see him. I live in PA and the rest of my family (mom dad and two siblings) lives in MN).
I've decided to begin seeing a counselor on this issue, but I wonder how other people in a similar situation handle this. I've seen a lot of advise saying to cut narcissist out of your life and believe me, if that was an option, I would do it. I love my mother and would not stop seeing her just to avoid my father. What I want is relief from the emotional stress that I feel every time I see them.
One last comment - My mother tells me that my fathers temper is worse around me. I know he has not directed it at me in the past few years, but I wonder if my impatience with him shows through and makes it worse for everyone. I don't believe that his reactions are my responsibility, but if my presence ultimately causes grief to the rest of my family, I'm in a bit of a catch 22. Should I change my attitude towards him to make life more bearable, or allow him to hurt my family?
If you've dealt with type of person, describe how you've learned to interact with them as you've gotten older, even if that means cutting them off and no longer speaking with them?How do you interact, as an adult, with a verbally abusive parent?
Sorry that you are in this situation.
It seems you are taking the right step for yourself by seeing a counselor. If you get a good one, I am sure they will help you to shed some light on what is the best route to take in this situation.
It must be difficult like you said if it were anyone else you would have taken a hike a long time a go, but when we deal with family there is so much more to consider.
You said that you avoid being the target of your father's tirade as much as you can. I can only suggest that you continue on this path.
You are not the problem though, he is the one with the problem, but if it means more peace for your mom and other family members then maybe for your sanity you ought limit your visits and time around your father, until you receive some, hopefully, wise counsel and perhaps some effective coping tools to deal with the situation.
I do know that for people like your dad, our reaction towards them can either inflate or deflate the mood. We either feed the fire so to speak or douse the flames, it takes skill to know how to respond. Learn to read the signs and try a new approach. I hope the counsellor can advise you in this area.
My dad sounds a bit different to yours, but mine sure knows how to push buttons, it isn't easy to not react, but over time I have learnt to ignore much and not bite the bait. He too has never apologised and cannot admit being wrong. If it's any consolation, my father has mellowed somewhat with age, but he had to reach his 70's to do so.How do you interact, as an adult, with a verbally abusive parent?
I put them in their place and have them wondering if they're ever going to see or hear from me again.
one of my best friends were like that when we became roomates, almost got in fist fights at times. i found out since he liked weed so much i would roll up while he is arguing and light it then pass it to him and then the peace came instantly, so i guess its just a subliminal cry for help saying ';i am not getting what i need and i am stressed out!'; i feel that way at times and it seems the only thing that does help is smoking weed because it relaxes you and makes you happy and think positive, the only reason it is so illegal is because they havent found a way to tax it since you can easily grow it.
just because your dad shouts and argues doesn't mean you have to engage in a shouting match with him maybe you too are both very much alike how about you and your father go somewhere alone together have some father daughter time then maybe you could get to the root of the problem and start having a healthy relationship im not saying talk to him directly about it but to just enjoy each others company without both of you getting wound up and shouting find out what he likes then go with him or take him to do or see some thing you know he is interested in build a bridge before you are unable to .
My dad is pretty much the same way. We got into screaming fits all the time because of the fact that he gets into tantrums so easily. Apparently you assume your not similar to your dad, so you clash, but just because you don't argue the same way, it doesn't mean anything.
The thing you should remember is he is not going to change. He's just that type of person, and if your parents show no signs in divorcing, then they most likely aren't.
My parents have also been married 20+ years, and I have had situations such as yours where it got to the point where his temper was out of control. You can't avoid these tempers sometimes, so the best thing to do is to learn the proper way to deal with it in an adult manner.
By all means continue seeing your mother, but talk to him when he talks to you. Don't be sarcastic or anything, otherwise that will set him off. If his temper starts flaring, you need to take a timeout, tell him, ';We need a break,'; And walk away. The best thing for these tempers is a Cool down time, that way later; you can talk about the problem calmly, and without flailing arms and yelling.
My mom gave me this advice because she dealt with the same thing. Your mom is probably the same way. If yelling starts, stop the conversation and talk about it later, but don't let your emotions soar.
The main thing is that he is your father, so it's not like you can change him or avoid him completely. Don't all around avoid him, because that does not solve the problem, it just covers it. Trust me, I have tried with my dad, and it just makes things worse in the long run. Though I don't tell him that I don't really enjoy visiting around with him there, I don't say that because he is human too. You have to also understand that he is human as well, and is not perfect.
Also, a little tidbit; Hang out with your mom at a time when you know he is at work, out, or just not around. That's what I do. That way, when I am visiting and he's there, it's not quite so nerve-wracking. Trust me; I know the irritation of having a family member that you don't really enjoy seeing much. But if you make peace with it and realize that he is your dad and he loves you, it will be a little easier.
I've had this problem with my Mother-in Law for 16 years. I've finally had it.
I Emailed her to let her know I won't be coming to Thanksgiving this year and why.
I refuse to let her ruin another Holiday for me.
Some people are just mad at life and there isn't much you can do about it.
My father is a real azz, and when he is being a jerk like that,I tell him off.You can tell he hates when I do that,but I really don't care,he knows im right.I know he is my father but in truth he is only a person,and if he is going to act like that, I let him have it.
Try ripping him a new one ( whats he going to do you're an adult living on your own)especially if you are in the right,he might just see the error of his ways and then you might be able to have a real conversation with him.GL
It sounds like you are really doing the best you can right now. You know it's not your fault and you have tried various ways of dealing with it. The fact is, he's a jerk. Others, including your mom, have decided to let him continue to treat them that way, while you have let him know you won't tolerate it towards you. Try to plan things with your mom that will limit your exposure to your dad- take her shopping or to a garden walk, etc. Things your dad wouldn't be interested in. Other than that, just do your best and know that you can't change him.
same situation. i realized that my parents behavior and the way she interacts with me is not really my fault.
i have talked to my older sisters and found that this was the way her parents interacted with her.i was to young to really know my grandparents before they passed away.
i have kids and found myself being the same way with them. i felt terrible and spoke to them about this.i asked them to let me know when i was being verbally abusive to let me know and this seems to work for us.
i cant change the past, i can only be aware of my actions in the future.
My dad is crazy, please help me.?
To shorten things up about my life and my dad. My dad is a chronic narcissist, a mental abuser, controlling, and irrational. He is self rightous. This is why my parents are divorced. My dad put a restraining order on my mom, blaming her to be an unfit parent. Anyways, since i live with my mom primarily i am forced by him to visit him every other weekend, and everytime he makes me feel like i'm insane...telling me the small things i've done wrong that day to use against me, or trying to get in an argument about the Parent Plan. Hence i'm only 15, it's not his duty to push adult information on me or my brother. Anyways, today is an example from one of the many days of torture. I asked if i could go to a friends house to watch a movie with them. He told me no because I stepped on the carpet with my shoes on and didn't ask if he needed help with dinner. I didn't know he needed help and it was an accident that i stepped on the carpet with my shoes on....but yet again he still acted like i'm a corrupted child.
So yet again, i'm imprisoned in my dad's house...dealing with his controlling attitude and it depresses me like mad...I want to leave. I want to go back to my moms house.
How can i live my life normally while visiting with him in the way? How do i get away from him without him calling the police on me? I can't keep letting this happen to me...My dad is crazy, please help me.?
Tell your mother you don't want to see him anymore. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to, especially when being with him makes you feel upset.My dad is crazy, please help me.?
At your age, you are allowed to have a lot of input on being with parents. Talk to your mom about the problem if you are able to talk to her, if not talk to a teacher at school about what you are going through, they can guide you to resources to help with this problem.
maybe he just wants to spend time with his child... i.e. you.... u see him once every 2 weeks and wan to go to ur friends house instead?
tell your mom tell him how you feel and well hopefor the best
So yet again, i'm imprisoned in my dad's house...dealing with his controlling attitude and it depresses me like mad...I want to leave. I want to go back to my moms house.
How can i live my life normally while visiting with him in the way? How do i get away from him without him calling the police on me? I can't keep letting this happen to me...My dad is crazy, please help me.?
Tell your mother you don't want to see him anymore. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to, especially when being with him makes you feel upset.My dad is crazy, please help me.?
At your age, you are allowed to have a lot of input on being with parents. Talk to your mom about the problem if you are able to talk to her, if not talk to a teacher at school about what you are going through, they can guide you to resources to help with this problem.
maybe he just wants to spend time with his child... i.e. you.... u see him once every 2 weeks and wan to go to ur friends house instead?
tell your mom tell him how you feel and well hopefor the best
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