My situation is...difficult... I come from a terrible home filled with drug addicts and narcissists, and I have two people very close to my heart willing to sponsor me in Australia. the problem is, however, that I'm working to get an ID, birth certificate, passport, GED, and SS card. ( I'm 18, and believed at the age of 16 that this should be done on one's own.. Much to my dismay.) I Understand that I need to first obtain all that i listed above before I even attempt to step foot onto a plane. I'm also aware that a tourist visa would be an option, had I the money... but I don't have the security money they require, as I am, myself '; couch surfing'; ( terrible living situation turned mutinous) what I ask is, for any information that may be able to aid me in my current plight, and get me out of this god forsaken shamble of a country ( USA) and into a healthy, productive life.
I have had two charges on my record. Both minor. One while I was a juvenile, and one at the cusp of eighteen. both have been removed.
Thank you, for all of your helpHow, besides the few listed on immigration sites, do I obtain an Australian living visa?
Apply at any Australian High Commission for your Visa or through a registered Immigration agent.
there are no other avenues.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
I've realized that I've been friends with seriously NPD guy and I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt on all the very insensitive selfish things he's said to me in the past, such as: You are not a priority...I did that for him and not you because he is a friend of mine and he didn't ask- you did....Myriad messed up things....In this case, I have been very good friends with his elderly mother who he lives with, and I have helped them out for years with her aging issues...Now, my father is in the hospital. He fell down the stairs and broke his neck. He's in intensive care now and i've been living at the hospital and very upset.The other night I saw this friend out at our club, when I stopped to have a drink and hopefully find a friendly face to sit with after the hospital, and he didn't even come over to ask how I am..He was picking up a girl and obviously- I didn't matter. In spite of the pain that he could see I am in..He knows he did wrong- he's called me 6 times in the last 24 hours- but he has not apologized-he's just left a message saying a trite, '; sorry I 'didn't have a chance' to come over and talk to you the other night at the club';. HE did- he just didn't. I want this to be over. I am drained from his taking from me and giving nothing back. How do I end this? I have to. But I run into him all the time so I don't want there to be too much ugliness. I am sure he's going to end up being angry at ME for not returning his calls and once again it will be my issue. I am so done. Please help?How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
I lived with a narcissist for most of my 25 year marriage. No, they NEVER CHANGE. My former husband is quite handsome but apparently had some severe self esteem issues, and took delight in rejecting me every step of the way. This made him feel better about himself. These personality types prey on people who are kind, nurturing, and understanding. Like you I continued to reach out to him, hoping that he would change, but he didn't.
If I disagreed with him, he'd shut me out by not speaking. His silence would be endless. I was always the one to break the silence, otherwise, he could go weeks on end without speaking.
He loved taking me out to dinner, or bring home fattening foods. He refused to exercise with me, but exercised alone and stayed fit. I gained weight. This gave him what he needed to criticize and abuse me.
I had surgery and my family and friends had to coerce him into visiting me.
Like you, my dad became gravely ill and I drove hundreds of miles, and faced his long illness and death alone. Yet I was always there in support of his mom and aunt, two wonderful old ladies. He resented their love of me, but never in their presence - only when we were alone. Narcissists always make a point of putting on a good show for onlookers, but never when you're alone.
After years of being ignored, and neglected, and his refusal to get counseling, I finally confronted him while we were alone, and he was furious. In weeks that followed, though not speaking to me, he wanted to teach me how to use a gun. Yes, expect him to become incensed, but take comfort in knowing that you've won the battle.
Once you've decided to dump him, make sure you do it in a public place, or have someone with you. Narcissists only abuse their mates in private, never publicly. They don't want to look bad. Narcissism was one of Jeffrey L. Dahmer's numerous diagnoses. Exercise caution.
I've met a wonderful man who appreciates my patience and love. He on the other hand has gone from woman to woman looking for another victim. Most are young women (our daughter's age). Even they won't put up with his selfishness. I'm adding you to my contacts in case you want to discuss more.
My prayers are with you.How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
just leave it at that dont talk to him anymore you seem to be way more in tune with your emotions then he does and that in itself is an emotional problem he has if he has to be bitter and mean to everyone and never give anything back i am surprised you let him treat you like this this long i would have been tired of that **** a long time ago you don't need to call him leave it at that if he doesn't treat you like a friend to him you are not very important to him and defiantly not his friend in his heart so dont waist your time sweetheart there are better guys out there then him and be surprised when they show that it actually exists men who arnt complete and total *****!
I lived with a narcissist for most of my 25 year marriage. No, they NEVER CHANGE. My former husband is quite handsome but apparently had some severe self esteem issues, and took delight in rejecting me every step of the way. This made him feel better about himself. These personality types prey on people who are kind, nurturing, and understanding. Like you I continued to reach out to him, hoping that he would change, but he didn't.
If I disagreed with him, he'd shut me out by not speaking. His silence would be endless. I was always the one to break the silence, otherwise, he could go weeks on end without speaking.
He loved taking me out to dinner, or bring home fattening foods. He refused to exercise with me, but exercised alone and stayed fit. I gained weight. This gave him what he needed to criticize and abuse me.
I had surgery and my family and friends had to coerce him into visiting me.
Like you, my dad became gravely ill and I drove hundreds of miles, and faced his long illness and death alone. Yet I was always there in support of his mom and aunt, two wonderful old ladies. He resented their love of me, but never in their presence - only when we were alone. Narcissists always make a point of putting on a good show for onlookers, but never when you're alone.
After years of being ignored, and neglected, and his refusal to get counseling, I finally confronted him while we were alone, and he was furious. In weeks that followed, though not speaking to me, he wanted to teach me how to use a gun. Yes, expect him to become incensed, but take comfort in knowing that you've won the battle.
Once you've decided to dump him, make sure you do it in a public place, or have someone with you. Narcissists only abuse their mates in private, never publicly. They don't want to look bad. Narcissism was one of Jeffrey L. Dahmer's numerous diagnoses. Exercise caution.
I've met a wonderful man who appreciates my patience and love. He on the other hand has gone from woman to woman looking for another victim. Most are young women (our daughter's age). Even they won't put up with his selfishness. I'm adding you to my contacts in case you want to discuss more.
My prayers are with you.How to end a friendship with a narcissist?
just leave it at that dont talk to him anymore you seem to be way more in tune with your emotions then he does and that in itself is an emotional problem he has if he has to be bitter and mean to everyone and never give anything back i am surprised you let him treat you like this this long i would have been tired of that **** a long time ago you don't need to call him leave it at that if he doesn't treat you like a friend to him you are not very important to him and defiantly not his friend in his heart so dont waist your time sweetheart there are better guys out there then him and be surprised when they show that it actually exists men who arnt complete and total *****!
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
One who claims to be a messenger of God is expected to live a saintly life. He must not be given to lust, he must not be a sexual pervert, and he must not be a rapist, a highway robber, a war criminal, a mass murderer or an assassin. One who claims to be a messenger of God must have a superior character. He must stand above the vices of the people of his time. Yet Muhammad’s life is that of a gangster godfather. He raided merchant caravans, looted innocent people, massacred entire male populations and enslaved the women and children. He raped the women captured in war after killing their husbands and told his followers that it is okay to have sex with their captives and their “right hand possessions” (Quran 33:50) He assassinated those who criticized him and executed them when he came to power and became de facto despot of Arabia. Muhammad was bereft of human compassion. He was an obsessed man with his dreams of grandiosity and could not forgive those who stood in his way. Muhammad was a narcissist like Hitler, Saddam or Stalin. He was astute and knew how to manipulate people, but his emotional intelligence was less evolved than that of a 6-year-old child. He simply could not feel the pain of others. He brutally massacred thousands of innocent people and pillaged their wealth. His ambitions were big and as a narcissist he honestly believed he is entitled to do as he pleased and commit all sorts of crimes and his evil deeds are justified.
..?Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
Yes, the prophets of God improved their life for knowing God. Muhammad seemed to get worse for knowing Allah. His Meccan revelations were much kinder than the intolerance and violence of the Medina verses. Prophets of God allowed for God's will to be done. Allah went out of his way to reveal verses that benefited Muhammad only, verses about letting him marry his daughter-in-law or getting rid of his disobedient wives for new ones and allowing him to have more than just 4 wives. It was all a bit too convenient in my opinion.Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
I saw something similar to this on Ali Sina's faithfreedom website but he has been refuted already
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
Matthew 7:16 (New International Version)
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
because the last Prophet of God to man-kind was John The Baptist
those requirements only applied to Prophets of God who were to speak to God's people on His behalf.... not to prophets of the forces of evil...
..?Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
Yes, the prophets of God improved their life for knowing God. Muhammad seemed to get worse for knowing Allah. His Meccan revelations were much kinder than the intolerance and violence of the Medina verses. Prophets of God allowed for God's will to be done. Allah went out of his way to reveal verses that benefited Muhammad only, verses about letting him marry his daughter-in-law or getting rid of his disobedient wives for new ones and allowing him to have more than just 4 wives. It was all a bit too convenient in my opinion.Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
I saw something similar to this on Ali Sina's faithfreedom website but he has been refuted already
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
Matthew 7:16 (New International Version)
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Why Mohammed was not a prophet ?
because the last Prophet of God to man-kind was John The Baptist
those requirements only applied to Prophets of God who were to speak to God's people on His behalf.... not to prophets of the forces of evil...
Please Help! How do I get her to stop?
my best friend is a total narcissist! She knows it too! how do i get her to stop, it's really annoying because when I'm talking to her, she stands in front of her mirror checking herself out and it's very annoying! She's always like, ';I'm so hot'; and I'm really sick of it, she's my best friend and I can't live without her, but right now, i can't live with her either...what should i do?Please Help! How do I get her to stop?
tell her shes uglyPlease Help! How do I get her to stop?
I'd suggest that you start making additional friends and spending some of your time with them (not in her company). If she knows she's narcissistic and knows that you dislike this in her, but chooses to continue, she's not much of a friend, is she? Maybe if you make friends with others, you'll see what true friendship can be like and it will be easier for you to distance yourself from this girl.dvr web hosting plans
tell her shes uglyPlease Help! How do I get her to stop?
I'd suggest that you start making additional friends and spending some of your time with them (not in her company). If she knows she's narcissistic and knows that you dislike this in her, but chooses to continue, she's not much of a friend, is she? Maybe if you make friends with others, you'll see what true friendship can be like and it will be easier for you to distance yourself from this girl.
Need serious advice about situation....please?
Hello:
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
Need serious advice about situation....please?
Hello:
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
I need serious advice about my boyfriend as he is a self proclaimed narcissist. We've been together for over a yr %26amp; half and live together. In the past we've overcome some narcissistic issues and he has realized how his selfish behavior has affected me and our relationship. He has been doing really well for a while, until last night. He slipped big time and probably had the most selfish moment of his life and it happened in front of his family. Anyways we talked and I told him he needs to go to therapy to overcome his narcissistic disease. I am feeling like I am exhausted dealing with his selfishness, but will do anything to make this work. He is asking that we do couples therapy instead of him doing individual therapy. My question is will he ever change? Should I stick around? Should I go to therapy with him. I want a future with this man, but I'm feeling let down. Please help with experience or advice and thanks. :)Need serious advice about situation....please?
what happened?
i think he should do individual therapy and then you should do couples therapy if he still wants to, but since he's the one with the problem, he should be the one getting the therapy!
you are so sweet to stay with him through this. try to make it work but if he doesn't change after therapy, I would leave if it really bothers you.
God bless and Merry Christmas! I hope everything works out!Need serious advice about situation....please?
Without him overcoming HIS Narcissistic tendencies, you won't have any chance of a better relationship. Just coming to accept it from him ';That's just the way he is'; will kill off your very soul, and give him ';permission'; to continue the behavior. If he isn't willing to change HIMSELF you can't fix this, couples counseling or not.
';If nothing has changed, nothing WILL change'; Therein lies the greatest truth.
Why would you do ANYTHING to make this work? That doesn't make sense. If you don't like his personality and want him to change, YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG GUY! He already told you ahead of time he's narcissistic and you chose to keep him. He will NOT change. You can't polish a turd. Telling him he needs therapy will only fuel the fire. Congrats, out of seventy-quadrillion men, you chose the wrong one.
of course you should go with him,it's not just he's problem you are he's partner and you both need to be have counseling,so you know whats going on aswell but mostly to be support for him.
not all of us can help the way we are and who we are.i think its a bit selfish expecting him to go it alone.
Please leave. I am stuck in this situation, married with 3 children. Please leave for the sake of all of the women who are trying to get away from these abusers. You are free. We have to pay lawyers and go through custody battles. Those N's know how to spite us. Please leave.
narcissism isn't a disease its a disorder and there is hardly any therapy for it. you throw around with words that you obviously dont know the meaning of and that's just flat out silly.
couple therapy is definitely a good idea. TRY THAT for sure. if that doesnt fix the problem, leave him. there are plenty of normal guys out there that will give you an easier time. Ive been there.
If you must stay don't bring kids into the marriage. No sense in the kiddos suffering from their dad acting out or being stubborn then on top of it mommy getting frustrated daily... Get the drift?
since you really want to be with him and want a future with him i think you should just TRY therapy togther and see how it goes. hope that helps(:
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it.
I think you should pass on this one!
Imagine, having children with someone like that and really needing him!
what on earth are you doing with a man like this ...no he wont change wht makes you think he will
i am sorry to let you down.But if a person is selfish to his family who had cared about him since his birth,I don't know what kind of treatment he has for you in mind.Even if you continue with this guy thinking you will be able to change him as you want a life with him then its like your selfishness is higher then his.
Anyway on the lighter side i would suggest you take a chance go for the couple therapy.That way you will be able to great to the root cause of his behavior.May be some childhood experience made him the way he is today.God Bless you both
My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist & my MIL a borderline?
Is there ANY hope for my husband and me? WE have gotten rid of his family, which is hurtful and cost us every penny we ever had,and our house, so we moved in with my emotional manipulator dad and now are living in his house that he refuses to leave and we are supporting him here (including new floors, new roof, etc. since I was hoping he would sell it), and we are renovating a house for ourselves (me , hubby, son) but I dont know how we can ever leave because my bozo dad won't leave his house and can't afford it, of course he took a mortgage out on it that he can't pay and it is in his and my recovering alcoholic mother's name (they divorced last month after 20 yrs of separation, he cries daily) , so she will be financially ruined if he defaults and then I will have two of them to support...... IS THERE ANY HOPE that my hubby and I can become normal and have normal kids? SHould we stop with one since we have so much baggage? WHAT DO WE DO?My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
Normal is relative :-) There's always hope to recover from the damage that our family members did to us. We're responsible for our own recovery and improvement.
On a practical level, it would be wise to disassociate yourselves from dysfunctional family members such as your father, father-in-law and mother-in-law. Your mother sounds okay, since she's a recovering alcoholic, though can also be challenging at times. Your disassociation is not permanent, but only during those times that they cause you problems. You need to set boundaries with dysfunctional people, otherwise they will run all over you and take advantage of you.
But yes, your family definitely has hope. It's up to you to take action to head towards healing and disengage from co-dependent behavior.My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
I will drink to that and if you are anyone you will too
get out and leave your mum and dad to their own little worlds
You cosigned on your fathers loan? THat was your first mistake. You need to get your house finished, get in it, and get your name off his loan. Whatever happens to it after that is not your problem. I know some people will say that he is your dad and he took care of you..blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that he neither raised your husband nor your son and they are suffering because of this too. Get out and cut ties until he stops using you.
Your mom is a RECOVERING alcholic, so that's a non-issue. Every parent can be accused of emotional manipulation, ie guilt trips. A narcissist is just a personality trait, its not detrimental to anyone. And a borderline what? Borderline personality disorder? That is the only concern you should have, they can be unstable.
As for everything else, its your choice whether you support your parents or not, if you can't take it on, don't. This external stuff has nothing to do with your home and the way you raise kids or how your kids will end up. That has to do with you two as parents entirely. If you don't want them around your kids, don't let them. If you think you are going to repeat thier mistakes, figure that out.
Good luck
Wait, you are living in HIS house and you want him to leave? Who cares what his financial state is in this. You are in HIS house. Get out on your own. You seem like the manipulator here. God bless your son. Hopefully common sense kicks in by the third generation or someone upstairs at least feels sorry for the genetic future of this ';family'; of yours.
What do you do?
1. Move out and get YOUR own place.
2. Act like a family that wants to help one another rather than out of selfishness.
Normal is relative :-) There's always hope to recover from the damage that our family members did to us. We're responsible for our own recovery and improvement.
On a practical level, it would be wise to disassociate yourselves from dysfunctional family members such as your father, father-in-law and mother-in-law. Your mother sounds okay, since she's a recovering alcoholic, though can also be challenging at times. Your disassociation is not permanent, but only during those times that they cause you problems. You need to set boundaries with dysfunctional people, otherwise they will run all over you and take advantage of you.
But yes, your family definitely has hope. It's up to you to take action to head towards healing and disengage from co-dependent behavior.My mom ='s recovering alcoholic, my dad an emotional manipulator, my f-I-L a narcissist %26amp; my MIL a borderline?
I will drink to that and if you are anyone you will too
get out and leave your mum and dad to their own little worlds
You cosigned on your fathers loan? THat was your first mistake. You need to get your house finished, get in it, and get your name off his loan. Whatever happens to it after that is not your problem. I know some people will say that he is your dad and he took care of you..blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that he neither raised your husband nor your son and they are suffering because of this too. Get out and cut ties until he stops using you.
Your mom is a RECOVERING alcholic, so that's a non-issue. Every parent can be accused of emotional manipulation, ie guilt trips. A narcissist is just a personality trait, its not detrimental to anyone. And a borderline what? Borderline personality disorder? That is the only concern you should have, they can be unstable.
As for everything else, its your choice whether you support your parents or not, if you can't take it on, don't. This external stuff has nothing to do with your home and the way you raise kids or how your kids will end up. That has to do with you two as parents entirely. If you don't want them around your kids, don't let them. If you think you are going to repeat thier mistakes, figure that out.
Good luck
Wait, you are living in HIS house and you want him to leave? Who cares what his financial state is in this. You are in HIS house. Get out on your own. You seem like the manipulator here. God bless your son. Hopefully common sense kicks in by the third generation or someone upstairs at least feels sorry for the genetic future of this ';family'; of yours.
What do you do?
1. Move out and get YOUR own place.
2. Act like a family that wants to help one another rather than out of selfishness.
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